Can anyone help me get over this?

[Beauregard]

There is one thing i want to be able to do more than anything but i am stopping myself doing it.
I would love to be able to drive.
The world and his wife and do it so why the hell do i have this unrational fear of taking the plunge and booking lessons?
I had lessons a long time ago when i was 17 and had a horrible and impatient instructor ,she would tut and sigh and screech at me so i did the only thing i could and changed instructors and the new one was great but i gave up as i wasn't progressing as i had no confidence in myself(instructor agreed with me).About 2 years ago my parent's started taking me out in their car and i did quite well but then i just stopped and never picked it up or followed it on with lessons.
So fast forward 14 years and i still am a non driver.

It makes me feel so so embarrassed,it limits my career and my social life so why oh why am such a wimp?
I know that noone else can do it for me but i really do have a .......what i can only decribe as a head f* over this
I know that part of problem is that if i am being watched when im doing something then i just mess it up.
HELP

Iklboo-oh it's a shame i dont live near you.

when you ring them up to enquire, you'll probably get an idea of whether you'll get on with them or not.

I'm 36 and I can't drive. i'm like you pelvic, i had lessons when I was 20, but seemed to get nowhere fast, everyone else who started with me all went to do tehir tests, but i was neve roffered the chance. By the time i had been having lessons for 6 months I fel like a failure.
Now I get step MIL saying
"Oh well, X (SIL) can drive, we have bought her a car, she's the best ever pupil the driving instructor has ever had. You have to learn to drive".
I have Dh going on and ona bout it
"Just think you could take the boys shopping" Yeah, right.
Or "You could go off for the day on your own when I'm at work" Right, while you need to take our car to work.

He actually bought me a second hand car off his dad for £300 and moaned becuse I never drove it - well I never asked him to buy it for me. The whole problem is that i panic. my knuckles go white on the steering wheel.

I Pelvic,

I have the same story! I took my test twice about 20 yrs ago, falied, then was skint, then moved to London for 12 yrs so didn't need a car.
Then dh was the driver when we moved to the stix, he left me 2 yrs ago, and I just knew I'd have to face up to it.
Entered a competition, won some lessons, I was in shock, cos the idea was to 'look' as tho I was up for it, not actaully win the bloody things.

So now I've had about 8 lessons, and it has been really tough, I have no confidence, i had to make myself do dep breathing b4 them, and I have a mantra which is something like, 'you can do this' 'other people do it'.
I thought i was and still think I am the only one who is shit scared of driving, but I found a good website called

www.2pass.co.uk

which is great, and everyone is in the same boat, good forum.

BUT, the last lesson i had, i wasnt so scared, and really tried to treat it a s one lesson, instead of thinking'oh god i'll never pass', when i got in the car!!

I have no confidence, and can only dream of doing it, but if i push myself, I cant see why i shouldnt, eventually become a driver.

It irks me when I see little old ladies driving!!!!! I try and think, if they can do it so can I.

So, just gather yourself up and book a lesson.

We could start a driving thread, and encourage each other.

Saltire-Yes it is horrible especially feeling like you are the only one.

Maybe all of us scaredy cats should book lessons.

That sounds great Pirate girl
Thanks for the info,i shall have a look later tonight when i get my proper MN time slot

DH also has pupils ranging from 17yrs olds right up to a 65 year old grandmother - so don't worry you might be 'too old' or anything. PLus get an instructor that is happy to fit around YOUR schedule (DH is working till 9pm tonight

Oh your poor dp.

Yes that is another hurdle to overcome ....fitting a lesson in around work ,having a babysitter.
Also i know it sounds mad but i would rather that the instructor collected me from my parents house(luckily live down the road) as i would worry about my neighbours watching me.

That shouldn't be a problem either. Most instructors will pick you up from wherever you like (within reason) and drop you where you like (again within reason!). Try to get an instructor that doesn't 'piggyback' - eg a pupil picks YOU up, you drive THEM home, then next pupil drives YOU home - it's a big cheat on the instructor's part

Does anyone know anything about the intensive driving courses ?
I dont know if there are any local to me?, i probably couldn't do this as it would mean staying away somewhere?

yes Iklboo i used to hate that.
How do i find that out without asking them if they piggyback

You're perfectly entitled to ask - just say you/your dp had a previous instructor who did this and you'd rather not do it as you'd be uncomfortable being taught to drive in front of another stranger

Hi Pvfnm,
I finally passed my test on 4th/5th? attempt. This was 10 years ago when I was about 24. I must have spent hundreds of pounds of lessons and tests and I honestly thought I'd never do it. But I did, and if I can pass and be a fairly competent driver, anyone can.
I recommend Clive Ash (Halls) - he is a bloke, obv, but really quiet, reassuring, steps in with dual controls without you even knowing...did wonders for my confidence.

DO IT!!!

He doesn't make you share the car w/another learner, either.
R.e. intensive places - I think there is a school in Malvern?

Pelvicfloor, I used to be like you, didnt pass my test until I was in my early 30s, terrified to drive even then until I moved to a new job ahead of DP and had to drive in an unfamiliar town whether I liked it or not.

I had 3 attempts at driving lessons at different stages in my life, which didnt help, neither did a nasty accident when a freind gave me a lesson, which resulted in her car being written off and a dead sheep

Now I drive everywhere and dont give it a thought. In fact I couldnt not drive now, as we live 3 miles from the nearest shop!

Thanks everyone for the info and words of support.
Sassy- Thanks for the recommendation ,I presume Halls is still in buisness?only i dont recall ever seeing them about.

Fubsy-Sorry to hear of your sheep experience.

I was feeling quite brave earlier but im a bit down tonight

More kind words of support needed please

You can do it! You can, you can, you can!

I didn't start learning to drive until I was 30 and I am very proud of the fact that I passed second time. I was terrified at first and I had to make a real effort to carry on. I even hid from my driving instructor one day because I couldn't face the lesson and she was nice in a straightforward sort of way. Eventually I got the hang of it, though, and I even began to enjoy it now and again - it's one of those things where repetition is the mother of all skill - you've just got to keep practising. And you need to make sure you find an instructor that suits you - someone who helps you grow in confidence and who also has full confidence in your ability to learn, and who will be as patient as you need them to be.

It was only after I got my first car (over a year after passing my test and when I picked it up I managed to drive over a roundabout, much to my little brother's amusement) that I really appreciated what I'd achieved. Being able to drive gave me, and my kids, huge amounts of freedom and I've never looked back.

You can do it! You can!

Hello, i'm another in the same boat - i'm kind of relieved to find i'm not the only one actually, because it does feel like that.

My step dad gave me some lessons years ago - he was kind of scary, i drove into a tree, he didn't react well and i decided it was just something i couldn't do. When i left home i went travelling then lived in London for 12 years so didn't ever need a car.

Now i live in the middle of nowhere and am trapped in a tiny village - its like the truman show - can't get out (not the being secretly filmed bit).

I started lessons last year - was so so nervous, and found a woman instructor. She was a bitch - she really was - she had only one method of teaching, which was to bawl and shout and roll eyes and make me feel terrible if anything went wrong. She said it generally made her pupils more determined. I just became determined not to have any more lessons.

I just booked up with another man - on a recommendation. It takes all my mental energy to go - had 3 lessons so far, and have hated almost all of it.

He is far far better than the woman though. I've been honest about how bowel shatteringly scared i am, and at the moment all we do is drive around country roads for an hour.

The first lesson i kept making him jump by actaully screaming - adn he makes alot of gags about how many green and red pills he's started taking since taking me on.

Been a bit paranoid though as he's cancelled the last 3 lesson, and worried he actually doesn't want to teach me as i'm too too awful, but hopefully this isn't the case??

Got my 4th lesson tomorrow morning.

If i can do it you can! I really am shockingly dreadful - i'm sure i was over the limit on rescue remedy last lesson. I panic and don't know what i'm doing with my feet so just do anything and that usually results in the dual controls being used.

I just have to learn though, as living here it would give me freedom and i could do so much more.

Maybe we should start an encouragement thread, all start lessons and keep each others motivation up?

g'won, book some!

there are many of us out there. except I dont want to drive, i think I dont anyway

My parents gave me driving lessons for my 17th birthday (was 24 before I even thought about having lessons)

Hated the lessons, Longest hour of the week, why couldnt my lunch hours be as long?

Passed test first time

never driven since.

We have an excellent bus service and the journeys are made fun but noticing things around us and chatting with kids.

Boco you made me smile ..."over the limit on rescue remedy"

Yes i think we all need a support thread of some sort!

Boco-That female instructor you had sounds identical to the one i had..........cow.

Good luck with your next lesson

I first learnt to drive(manual car) in my twenties. Not very good instructor, 40 hours of lessons and ofcourse I failed. The second time I learnt I was in my thirties. I must add that I am not a natural driver(to put it mildly) and so decided to learn to drive in an automatic. It was definately the right decision for me. My instructor was brilliant, very patient and encouraging. I took more than 120 hours(I had no one to take me out to practice, so had to rely solely on lessons) of lessons to pass. You need an element of luck, lots of practice and the money, esp. if you have no one to take to out for practice drives. If I can do it, really think you can Pelvicfloornomore.

Have just remembered stupidly my other issue with having lessons(not just an excuse)
Will i fit in the car comfortably enough to drive?
I am very tall.

How tall?

Dp is 6'4, and he's fine. Don't learn in a mini. Seats are adjustable, you'll just have to slide back the seat.

Reckon that one is an excuse

I was at 120 hours of lessons! Good god my instructor would definitely lose the will to live if he had to be in a car with me for that long. That must've cost so much money, the expense of lessons is my most viable excuse.

Im 6ft 2 .