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Original poster

So this is how I'm going to remember ds's first birthday...

80 replies

moominmama86 · 19/06/2004 19:22

...by the police arriving and me having to explain that, yes, I'd called them, yes, there had been an argument, no, we're okay now, no, they really don't need to come in the house and check, no, no-one's hurt and yes, I'm sorry I've wasted their time...

I can't believe this. I just don't know how to deal with this crap anymore. My family is falling apart. I just want to run away. I don't think I can do this anymore. I need some help but I don't know where to start.

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Original poster
moominmama86 · 21/06/2004 13:28

Quick update. GP is on his way round to the house. Was shocked when I told him full extent of what we are all going through. Unfortunately mu not happy at all with me for calling. He's here - must go.

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Jimjams · 21/06/2004 13:56

Good luck moomin-this sounds like exactly the sort of thing that needs to happen. hang in there- and hopefully having the GP understand the situation will improve things greatly.

bunnyrabbit · 21/06/2004 14:15

mmm86 I hope all is going OK. Please keep us updated.

Yours, listening quietly 'cos I have nothing to add except hugs {{{}}}

BR

aloha · 21/06/2004 14:16

Moominmama, where did you live when you were married? Why do you have nowhere to go? What about your ex - isn't he providing for you? I think you home life sounds awful (through zero fault of yours, of course) and awful for your ds. And it doesn't sound as if it is going to get better any time soon. What are your options for living elsewhere. As you say, your mum isn't improving since you moved in. She's blackmailing you but you have your life to live too and you sound at the very end of your tether.

Original poster
moominmama86 · 21/06/2004 14:48

OK, GP has left. Mum has 'volunteered' to go into hospital today as long as consultant okays it, which we will find out anytime soon when GP calls back. We have had much screaming and crying and accusations that we (well, me mainly since I am the one who betrayed her by phoning the doc) are 'dumping' her and that she is going to die and rot in hospital. I really don't know how I feel about this. Am pleased that GP is finally aware of full situation but cannot feel good about hospital, esp. since she is so dead against it and seems terrified. I hope I have done the right thing.

Aloha - tbh I don't want to go. I know the situation is awful and some people might say I am not doing the best for ds, but this is my family and I don't want to leave. I am at the end of my tether, yes, and sometimes just want to run away and hide but could not leave my dad to deal with this on his own. Since ds was born a year ago we have already moved 3 times - he loves it here, he loves his grandpa and his nanny and, terrible as the situation is at times, I genuinely don't think it would be any better if we became even more isolated by leaving. Besides which I have no job, no money and no-one to stay with. There is no family on my mum's side, my dad's side live 4 hours away in the wilds of Norfolk, and there are no friends that ds and I could realistically stay with. Dh lives in a one-bed flat that he is having to sublet to pay the rent on. I have never even met my inlaws and they live in the US anyway. So, my options are limited, to say the least! And anyway, as I said, I want to stay with my family and be the best support I can be. It's easy to say 'get away from the situation' but I've spent my whole life running in the opposite direction when things get a bit tough and now I think it's time to stop and stick it out with the people who have always been there for me when I've needed their help.

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bunnyrabbit · 21/06/2004 15:03

mm86,
Well done for getting the GP involved. It must be so difficult for you with your mum protesting so much about going into hospital, but I'm sure you realise this has to be for the best if she is going to get the treatment she needs and start to make a recovery.

How is your dad taking it? Have you managed to talk to him again?

BR

Beccarollover · 21/06/2004 15:03

Add me to the silently listening list - it all sounds so awful - you have done the right thing by ringing the GP - your family needs the extra support right now.

(((HUGS))) I hope the hospital have some answers for you

Twinkie · 21/06/2004 15:05

Honey - you don;t have to cope with this - and you are not being selfish just selfless - your mother cannot see this because she is ill but keep chanting that everything you are doing is for her own good and it will also benefit the rest of you - its sad that it happened on Ds s birthday but I hope you had a good time before this happened - birthdays and xmases are hard for lots of people its just sad that your dss tripped your mother over the edge!!

Original poster
moominmama86 · 21/06/2004 15:13

Hi BR - Yes, dad and I are thankfully back on good terms again We had a good talk this morning before he left for work and then he came back home once I had rung GP and is here now looking after ds. He just feels useless and frustrated, as I do. He loves my mum so much and can't bear to see her like this. He has stuck with it through years of crap, really (he's already lost one job because he's had to take so much time off work at short notice, for example) and I think he's just exhausted by it all. Am trying to keep positive and you are all helping so much - thank you.

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luckymum · 21/06/2004 15:16

Moomin - try not to feel guilty about the hospital you know its the right thing just now. She's understandably frightened especially having been there before but if nothing else it will give you, ds & your dad time to get your heads together which is much needed I'm sure. Good that your GP is on side and doing his best for you all. Good luck.

suedonim · 21/06/2004 16:33

Good luck to you all, MinM86. Of course your mum is upset but you must try to ignore it, because you know you're doing it for her own good, not for yourself or anyone else; you're doing it because you care. Maybe look at it this way; if she had raging appendicitis or a heart attack, you'd be desperate to get her into hospital, this is no different. Best wishes.

Original poster
moominmama86 · 21/06/2004 19:36

Well, some success this evening, for those who are still following

Mum has just come back from an assessment at a local residential clinic and will be admitted tomorrow morning. It's an alternative to traditional hospital admission and is women-only and staffed entirely by women. It's for patients with ongoing mental health probs who are suffering a 'mental health crisis' and need 24-hour care. Apparently the treatment is quite intensive so that's quelled any thoughts she had of being shut away and ignored and she even admitted that it was 'lovely' and the staff were 'very friendly' - although she also said it was 'all pointless' but that's par for the course.

Soooo, I have some hopes. Some. She's going in with the attitude that they can't help but something has to be better than nothing. It certainly can't make anything worse. She's still pissed off with me for starting all this in the first place and I'm sure there'll be ructions tomorrow morning before she goes but for the time being I am quietly confident that this is the right thing.

OK, well, I'll update again in a few days! Can't tell you how much MN support has meant to me over the last couple of days. I'm sending you all big hugs back (((())))

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soapbox · 21/06/2004 19:46

That sounds like progress. They will hopefully have seen all the denial stuff before and have ways and means of convincing her that it is working and she should stick at it.

I've been following this thread and I am glad that there appears to be some relief ahead for you

Well done for sticking at what must seem like an impossible task at times. Your love for your family really shines through in your posts despite all the trials and tribulations!

tigermoth · 22/06/2004 09:45

oh yes, definitely sounds like things are moving in the right direction. Really pleased your mum has somewhat come to terms with moving away from you. I logged on especailly to see how you were - excuse hasty message. I think you are doing all the right things. So glad you and your father have made up.

bunnyrabbit · 22/06/2004 13:33

How did it go this morning mmm86?

BR

WideWebWitch · 22/06/2004 13:42

That really does sound like good news moomin: persuading your mum to accept any form of help was half the battle by the sound of it and this sounds like a huge step in the right direction.

maomao · 22/06/2004 13:49

Thinking of you, moominmama

Momp · 22/06/2004 14:09

MMM86 - You are so brave and so strong for sticking at this. I don't think I could have coped it this was happening to me.

Well done!

Hope all is ok today xx

Original poster
moominmama86 · 22/06/2004 19:29

Well, she went this morning...not happy but she went and that's the main thing. Still saying it's pointless but hopefully there'll be some nurses etc there who'll have seen it all before and (in the nicest possible way of course) won't take any old nonsense!

We can only hope. Keep something crossed for us

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luckymum · 22/06/2004 21:24

Moomin - glad she went OK, hope you and ds, and your dad can recharge your batteries a bit now. Have they said how long they want her to stay for?

bunnyrabbit · 22/06/2004 22:59

mmm86,
I hope you sleep well tonight knowing that your mum is in the best possible place she could be. IMHO this was the only plausible next step forward for your family. You now know that your mum is in good hands so take and deep breath and let it all out....

It's not over by a long way.. but you're on your way to regaining your family... you should feel proud and relieved.

Hugs

BR

Original poster
moominmama86 · 23/06/2004 08:58

F*ck. What a shitty start. Have just been into my mum's room to change her bedding - thought it would be nice to tidy up a bit, etc.

Under her pillow I found three letters in sealed envelopes - one for me, one for my brother, one for my dad. No prizes for guessing what that's all about. Shit.

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gothicmama · 23/06/2004 08:59

Are you ok- can you phone the unit

beetroot · 23/06/2004 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
moominmama86 · 23/06/2004 09:13

I don't think I'm going to open them - it would upset me too much. Think that they may have been written quite a while ago - envelopes look a bit crumpled as if they have been slept on for a while. Have just changed all the sheets and put them back where I found them.

I don't want my dad to find them tho - he would be devastated. He and my mum have had separate rooms since this all started and last night I heard him get up in the middle of the night and get into her bed . So maybe I'll move them anyway so he doesn't find them.

Right, when ds wakes up am going to take him into town, got to PlayTown, buy extortionate Starbucks coffee and muffins, try and relax...

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