I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

TheMortificadosDragon Can I ask... Are you a scaled mammal... Or a warm blooded reptile... Or are you cold blooded and your inner fire keeps you warm? I've always wondered but never met a dragon civilised enough to enquire.

Touche, Queen Mortificado - I wondered what I could put on mine!

Interesting question UnicornMortificado (Tee-shirt slogan - "Want To Fondle My Horn" (Some of these write themselves . . . ).

I suspect it is your third option. I suspect that even hinting at mammalian blood could cause you to be suttee'd in a second.

Dragons, remember, lay rather beautiful and intricately scaled eggs, with iridescent blue yolks () which is a reptilian characteristic and of course reptiles, except for crocodilains, are the highest form of life. Ever. Except perhaps GodMortificado in his/her/its 3 persons.

()

Dragon - I have never accused Flappy of being a crocodilian, even when I have been very angry at his naughtiness (he is a high-spirited little soul), which I have always attributed to his ghastly mother's DNA. Even though through her, he has Royal Blood.

Unicorn (good to see another noble beast here!) - Flappysmammy is essentially correct. The recent incursion of Ice Dragons should have been a clue. They actually have fascinating biochemistry to allow their chemical processes to work sufficiently fast at low temperatures, I'm sure theres a good PhD in that for someone.

OMG. Unicorn blood! That would seal the hellmouth!

Right - are there any virgins left in Mortificadia? I need you to come to the Tower right away.

No, it isn't like last time, don't look so worried. All you have to do is stroke a horn.

What?

Oh and Chardonnay, I see you took that tacky Halloween costume with the pink fluff which I never wore. It really suits you. That's all I'm saying.

FlappysMammy I do like my slogan!

Dragon I do hope my question didn't offend. Thankyou for answering and for the welcome! Although now I feel I need to look more into Ice Dragons biochemistry. One question answered, so many more created! Any chance your fabulous son might know more? Or if there is still one around he might tell me more?

Princess Threatening a creature with a weapon on its' head... Also keep your "virgins" away from me, I dread to think where they have actually been and fear you might open the hellmouth further if you and they get close! not to mention I don't want to get any leaky foof juice on my coat

Can't help but feel a little excluded from this thread

Easy to judge until you're literally made of piles, isn't it?

BigPiles

Struggling with a slogan for you, i'm afraid . . .

What about "Haemorrhoids Need Love Too"? or "Haemorrhaoids Are People, Too"?

Oh HA HA HA.

(But, the first one)

Right - are there any virgins left in Mortificadia? I need you to come to the Tower right away.

Yes of course. Part of the papal job description being a virgin.
turning a blind eye to various antics in the Vatican wine cellars

*PopeMortificado - "Born-Again Virgin - The Wine Cellars DOn't Count"

Bugger. Never mind Pope, I think the horse is on to us.

How are you with big gaping holes full of hungry, voracious creatures by the way?

(And no, I'm not talking about my ever-more-infamous fanny. Thank you so much for those flattering photos on that fecking tshirt PopeInExile)

You're welcome Princess

And may I say that a Consumer Poll indicated that more people recognised your - er, bits (us ex-Popes have to be careful how we frame things - no pun intended) than recognised your face. Make of that what you will.

And UnicornMortificado - please note that the "Pope" (hahahahahahah - cynical laugh!) and the Ex-Pope (me ) are two entirely different people.

You can trust me. I have a baby dragon. (Adopted - they don't call me PrincessMortificado) (

Guys! Guys I've discovered a new drink, it's amazing! It's called coffee! Coffee! Coffee, isn't that a nice word. I like coffee. I like words.

I feel a bit jittery but I'm sure that's just the excitement of a new discovery!

Coffee everyone! Have some on me!

Excellent, supposed to be good for your brain - not that you need it (#soproud) but the humans could do with it.

Unless you've also discovered how to make decaff, I'll stick to (very) hot chocolate at this time of the evening thanks. Got any marshmallows? and a biccie

In the interest of merchandising (and thanks to Dragon's new discovery you said this was free, yes? ) I've been up all night drafting The Official Mortificado Family Tree. I daresay we're going to need it for our third installment 'Game of Mortificados'. (Sorry God, marketing edited the title. I bet Barry from legal is behind it.) Diagram to follow.

BigPiles WAS locked safely in the back passage, must have used the rear exit to escape someone be a dear and push it back in.

WOW! QueenMortifauxcado, I'm really looking forward to the Game of Mortifauxcado!

Will it be commercially available in time for Christmas? At least it will be a new reason for families falling out with each other and splitting off into temporary alliances and then grassing each other up 10 minutes later (so tapping into established Christmas traditions - nice touch!), and whatever it is, it's got to be better than Monotony the Game Whose Name May Not Be Spoken.

Sorry Game of Mortificados - I got over excited - I do apologise.

Have a Game of Mortificados tee-shirt. On the house. there will of course, be a small shipping fee of M25.99.*

*For those new to the Land of Mortificado, the Mortificado Munny is our official currency. At the moment, most of it is made of plastic, but there are Plans Afoot To Change This, I believe.

Ow. Owwwwww. Stop that. Stop it! I'll hurt you more!

Yay!

Mortificado is classicked!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics

YES!!!!! ()

I feel as though I am at the birth of a new era . . .

Keep up Pope that's why we're all busy releasing Mortificado Merchandise. What exactly do you bring to the team hmm? FlappysMammy I forsee an opening in the clergy and I'm not talking about the nun's.

Still working on that Family Tree, keep running out of ink and does anyone know where to get a parchment the size of a dragon?

Fgs just write names on the tree, and a not-to-scale thumbnail picture. Are all humans so lacking in nous or is it particularly royalty and clergy who are so afflicted?

The thing thats bothering me is that while its lovely that the first chapter has made classics, the shortsighted OP of this one made it '30 days only'. Can she ask for it to be moved somewhere longer lived even if it doesn't merit elevation to classics? Not sure which topic would be most apt.

Maybe 'other subjects' though tbf we don't talk much about the subjects.

What exactly do you bring to the team hmm?

Papal dignity and a beatified smile of calmness dontcha know?

and the Vatican wine cellars