I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

Wow, Mortificado has risen from the ruins again! Drink?

Well you don't look dead any more, kids, so I suppose I'm going to have to think of you long enough to ensure the inheritance is in order

or pax?

thanks. Should have sent Princess to Eurovision, she'd have aced that.

Don't watch it myself, sensitive ears. I hear the princess clears out the local every thursday on karaoke night. I once saw people falling out the doors clutching their ears and screaming. Best avoided if you ask me. What is this stuff anyway? Flavoured vodka?

Eau de Queen Mum .

...Has brewer been experimenting again?

No idea, but it's no good. I can still type...

Can't have used my mum then, someone should probably inform the queen. Try mixing it with

I reckon those Mortificado hoodlums drank it all and filled the bottles with water and a dash of aftershave to hide the fact.

It's somewhat telling that it's taken you this long to notice. Think I'll stick with my whatever this is.

Montepulciano no doubt. Apparently some people believe it's Italian. It's in the name! Legfishwine.

Mortepulciano sorry

We really need a more reliable supplier. In fact, how do you make booze?

Take organic matter (sugar, fruit, anything princess birthes...), blitz it in the food processor. Add yeast, leave to rot for a couple of days at the air. Now lock the air out, leave to ferment. It'll "burp". Filter out the crap (fins, plant bits, yeast). Drink.

That Legfishwine recipe sounds ACE Pax,

*begin, not behind

Jesus wept! Can I not post a single message without autocorrect sticking itsoar in?

Apparently not . . .

*its oar, not itsoar

Gut the fish before putting them in the food processor. Who know what those horrid things eat!

And you're going to drink them why? I'm using a pineapple.

Needs must. Not much vegetation in Mortificado. Don't think that's a pineapple, either. Looks like one of those hideous polyps from the moat I'm afraid.

Don't worry . . . I . . . gutted them . . .

Boak, fish excrement wine. Too much for me and I'm not proud, I drink after shave.

No I'm pretty sure it's a pineapple, I ordered it from mortifocado. It came complete with the plant so I just used the whole thing for flavour. It's called space wine. You know, because pineapples are from space. Too cold for them down here.

Too much for me and I'm not proud, I drink after shave.

Was it you who drank the Harpic, Pax? And the bottle of Irn Bru?

The wine's coming on nicely actually. I just hope the Princess people will keep her their hands off it for a week to give it time to mature.

I don't think there's much chance of that happy, especially not with my delightful space wine tempting thieves