I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

Well, flappy, I've been waiting to see if it hatches into another pterodactyl. I'm not quite sure though - it's quite big and sort of greenish. I've not noticed any movement yet but I've been keeping it warm and talking to it so it's familiar with my voice. I've also made it a tiny crown so you know which egg not to cook

You do realise that telling it how fabulous it is and endowing it with the trappings of royalty will give it a HUGFE sense of entitlement, don't you?

Is this what happened with Princess?

*HUGE - not HUGFE

If it doesn't hatch into a pterodactyl, can I eat have it?

Egg to dragons as agreed please.

It's probably a horrorfish with legs and who knows what else.

I agreed to nothing. Anyway, I make the rules I outrank you.

I think that depends if it's cute, flappy, and I take no responsibility for the princess, that mess was made before I got here

The dragons have agreed and they report to nobody. They'll get the egg and either have a dragon baby or a fish omelette tonight.

Boak.

Here!!!!

That's MY egg if Queenie doesn't wany=t it!

I've got dibs! and a fish kettle

Whatever happened to the executioner? Do we need a new one? (Asking for a friend)

Evil stepmother.

My full name is Paxillin Cinderella Mortificado.

I'm not your step mum, not sure who is these days, whatever did happen to the king? Anyway, my role is royal stand in, not nanny, I take no parental responsibility for you lot! It's in my contract and everything.

Daddy met a sticky end. Can't even rest in peace now I've lost his skull on the football field.

Last I saw he had a small role in the MortificadoShakespeareCompany's production of Hamlet Pax.

Ah, how unfortunate. What do the critics make of it?

They thought he was a bit hollow.

"MortificadoKing's performance was lifeless and lacking in substance. He had a certain skully veracity, but this was offset by the fact that no-one could hear a bleedin' word he said.

Stick to the day job Kingy, and leave the acting to the professionals!

(MortificadoStageMagazine Jan Issue p87)

I thought he was brilliant. Very dignified and did not buy into this youth cult. He smelled a lot better than in the olden days, too. He didn't even try to shag Gertrude or Ophelia.

I have to agree about the smell Pax

Who would have thought that "Putrification" would become a royally-endorsed deodorant scent.

certainly not what I'd wear. Speaking of putrid smells, my egg appears to be omitting one. And it's got a bit of a crack. I think it's hatching! Someone grab some hot towels!

Hot towels coming up!

And I've pit the kettle on = nothing like a nice cuppa tea

Any sign of the Little One?

Told you it's a fish egg

It's not really doing anything. Lazy little thing. It's gonna fit right in here. flappy, I'm appointing you chief egg doctor. Try not to cook it.