I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

Its not meant to be your dad's skull you fool; that's pissed him off royally (ho ho) but I suppose having his ghost angrily trailing you to school adds a certain je ne sais quois to the 'costume'.

To pee, or not to pee, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobbly in the mind to buffer
The swings and barrows of outrageous monnies,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
Send by opposing mend them: to die, to sweep
No more; and by a sweep, to say we send
the heart-ache, and the thousand natural socks
that mesh is heir to?

Oh dear . . . . .

How can I put this Queen?

Do you want the bad news or the even worse news first?

The bad news (for some) is that the legfish are evolving at a rate of knots and some of them have now taken to the air and are flapping awkwardly soaring majestically around the castle parapets.

The even worse news (for one of us - or two if you count Mr Bitey) is that the ones on the ground found an unconscious pterodactyl lying on the grass. Apparently was delicious. The airborne ones (hereinafter referred to as "wingfish") came swooping downed carried off the leathery bits to make a nest out of. (It is in the crenellations on one of the turrets - I would keep away if I were you.)

There is some good news - the Mortificado Guano Industry is going to experience a massive revival very, very soon.

You'se wasted here, Pax!

You could be a contender . . .

Oh lord.... am I going to have to do some aerial swooping and flaming to get rid of this infestation? I'm not eating them, mind.

Bravo Pax, Hoglet, Prince of Mortificado.

Now then, Out, damned Spot! Lead on, McDuff! (Time for the corgis' walkies, dunno why a welsh dog has a Scottish play name)

They are not an infestation Dragon - they are a blessing, part go GodMortificado's rich and infinite blessing.

Mr Bitey, noooooo!!!!! I will have my revenge! Hold my throne and fire up the... err, fire. I'm going fishing

We can used torched fish for fertiliser, TheMortificadosDragon. Not all that green round here.

Oh, Your Maj, I lost daddy at school. They borrowed him for football and then he was gone.

Whew. Your majesty, you'll be pleased to know I've incinerated the plague (correct term if 'god' involved, I believe) of wingfish, including their nest. I'm sure the pong will dissipate soon.

Do you mean the king or your pet daddy longlegs, pax?

Anyway, I hunted this string of legfish if anyone wants them, should take them a while to repopulate. Also I found this Rather Large Egg. You'll do well to keep your paws off it.

I wouldn't have mentioned eggs in HappyFlappy's hearing.

Egg?

What is this egg of which you speak?

Also

*confitting, not committing

You can have the fish as long as you keep your paws off my egg!

What do you intend to do with the egg?

How big is it?

What type is it?

Oh SHIT! - It's not another bleedin' pterodactyl, is it?

Let's just sort out the fauna round here. Moat gets fat carp and ducks like a proper moat should have, nuke the trolls and legfish. Any weird eggs and whatever princess birthes gets handed to the dragons, if they decide it's a dragon, they raise and train it, if not, they eat it for supper. Spiders are ok, as are hogs.

Sounds like a plan - I'd keep unicorn foals too dont like the taste they're truly noble beasts.

And corgis, of course, but they're responsibly sourced from a very nice old lady in Windsor.

That Windsor Wife is a backyard breeder!

Cages full of gorges - they get a very restricted diet of flunkies and guardsmen - totally lacking in essential nutrients and not even a trace of Vitamin X (essential for the maintenance of dandruff).

She just doesn't care! They are just a cash cow to her . . .

*CORGIS - NOT GORGES YOU BASTID AUTOCORRECT!!!!!

Unicorn foals, fine. Corgis really need to stay in Windsor.

There's a reason they don't allow dragons there. The two don't go together. Dragons are jumpy and easily annoyed. Corgis are yappy and noisy little fuckers. Dragons spit fire when annoyed and cough fire when startled. Corgis are very flammable. It's a kindness not to keep them in Mortificado. Besides, they are ugly and useless as guard dogs.

Corgis are very flammable

I believe there was a regrettable incident on the Classics Mortificado thread with one of the dragons torching all the fucking Corgis. Bloody MSPCA got involved and we weren't allowed pets (other than wet ones, hence the grizzly fish) for ages.

Some other dragon tried to incinerate them but I protected them. They're my little pals, and it would be extremely foolish of you to mess with them.

Oh was that what happened? That thread is one foggy haze for me. Party after epic party, it was carnage! We're practically teetotal now.