I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

What sewerage "system"? I thought stuff just falls from the garderobes into the moat? Is there more to it? Could we pour perfumed oil into the moat?

Quite so, and you people expect me to eat fish from it?

I wish I'd encouraged the kid to go into civil engineering rather than chemical (let alone brewing, that just contributes more to the moat).

Between your hogs and HappyFlappy's vile harpy concoction, I'm seriously contemplating vegetarianism.

How Very Dare You!!!!!

My Harpy Concoctions are celebrated worldwide, and indeed, the only thing that Maintains World Peace in this Post-Nuclear Age, it the threat of being served one at a Buffet Lunch for Visiting Heads of State.

The Harpy vol-au-vents, Harpy in white sauce, Harpy brioche and Harpy Marengo strike fear into the hearts of warmongers on Seven Continents, and Luxembourg.

Just make some fucking toad in the hole or Spag Bol. We're not that poncy.
Chant Mortificado not Versaille over and over if it helps you remember.

Harpy-in-the-Hole is delicious a life- enhancing changing experience.

Three (!) of the senseless bunfights interesting exchanges I took part in yesterday got deleted for trollery or fighting. Let's see if I can blow up Mortificado.

Trolls huh? Bet the dragon has been tasting the fish out of curiosity.

The grass has started dying off around the moat guys!

That'll just be the corgis piddling on it. Someone needs to take them out for proper walkies.

You do know what unicorns eat right???😱 why have the corgis been piddling there???

The poor little chaps (actually it's the girl dogs who are worse grass-killers) have to go somewhere and this bunch of humans is to idle and disorganised to take them for walks beyond the moat. I would attempt it myself but don't have the manual dexterity for poop scooping, and I gather that in the wider world, leaving dog poo unscooped is among the worst of crimes. My hide may be tough but I don't think I could deal with the wrath this would provoke.

I'll see if I can find you a few naice bales of hay when I'm out foraging for my fruit&veg.

Who the fuck is Errol?

Oh, was Errol butting in again? he can sod off back to discworld. But he was right about the corgi issue, I'll get some hay for that poor unicorn.

^^

Shouldn't you have been laying eggs Princess?

Eee! I've always wanted a pterodactyl! Can I keep it?!

leave the pterodactyl alone! It's mine, I'm going to keep it and call it... Flappy the Third!

I will be incredibly grateful to anyone who can get me some hay! I would offer to walk the poor corgis myself but with hooves I couldn't operate a poop scoop and as the strange Errol character says it is a crime of the highest sort to not scoop. Could the trolls be employed for this purpose? Any merpeople who could teach the dogs to swim instead floating around? If the fish do grow limbs and come up on land this should most definitely be their first job!

Is the princesses foof a wormhole? I'm becoming scared of what will appear next! Although the pterodactyl is cute, would her fake highness appreciate some support protecting it till it's large enough to defend itself?

You BITCH, Queen!

I'm going to ask Flappy (The Original and Best) if he wants to change his name by Deed Poll, of if he just wants to immolate the Pretodactyl.

(You know they never learn to talk don't you? - despite the fact that they pretend to be birds. Just sayin')

Is the princesses foof a wormhole?

If only unicorn, then things might disappear into it instead of pouring out of it all of the time.

Well there's no need to be stroppy about it flappy(2)! I'm just not very good with names is all. Maybe I'll name it after Barry from legal... Barrydactyl! Ooh ooh or... Mr Bitey! that is a good name for a guard pterodactyl. Say, has his taste for fish come in yet?

Actually - I rather like "Mr Bitey".

Or Bitey McStabface - that would be good.

I think pterodactyls eat archeologists and similar.

FFS, its either BiteyMcBiteface or StabbyMcStabface.

It's going to be CrispyMcCrispface soon if it doesn't quit trying to stab me.

Stop threatening the baby, dragon! Anyone murdering my precious pterodactyl will be exiled. Or have to clean the moat or something. Mr Bitey is my family now and I expect you all to treat him as such!

Anyway, poor thing is probably hungry. Someone take him outside and teach him how to hunt.

I volunteer for exile. I would rather allow the drunken spirit of Oliver Reed tattoo my eyeballs than clean that stinking moat.

Perhaps Mr Bitey would enjoy a delicious meal of harpy inna bun and chips.

As Mr Bitey is still pretty much a baby I will provide it as a McHarpy Meal in a box with cartoon dragons and unicorns on it, and containing the harpy inna bun, a small portion of chips, and a Petit Filous (bat guano and kipper flavour). It will help to get him onto fish.

By the way - is Princess about?

There appears to be a wyvern in the Mortificaso Public Telephone Box and I can't think who else might have laid mislaid one.

Pass the message on if you see her.

CHeers