I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

Ooh is he coming? I got this bottle in, should have the desired effect. You'll have to do the tour though, can't drink and coach myself. I get alcohol induced travel sickness.

There will be a hog in the coach to eat up any, ahem, spillages.

Is that the same hog we're planning to eat?

If you think I'm pulling a coach containing you lot and a hog you've got another think coming. Which is probably more thinking than you can manage

Same hog, alive is the freshest you can get. We need two, one to bribe Dragon to pull the cart.

Well I'm not eating the one filled with vomit.

You remove the digestive system before eating it. It'll be nicely marinated already after cleaning the cart. Hog au vin.

That's disgusting. Hog goes with bourbon. Wine is for cow.

I'm not very fond of pork and I'm not pulling your sodding coach.

But if you do then it will be pulled pork, which everyone loves, even you dragon, surely?

Har-de-har.
Between your hogs and HappyFlappy's vile harpy concoction, I'm seriously contemplating vegetarianism.

Bit ambitious in Mortificado. We haven't seen a vegetable since 1978. Whole place is overrun with avocados.

No vegetables? Apart from the prince and princess Don't worry, I can fly and raid the NDNs fields.

Eat the fish from the moat

eating creatures with scales is tantamount to cannibalism.

They do have a lovely allotment. If you wouldn't mind on the fish though, big carnivorous things they are, keep taking out the bridge trolls.

They are fucking fish and live in the filthy moat. They probably welcome the opportunity to be eaten.

I don't know pax, have you looked out there lately? Pretty sure one of them is trying to grow legs.

Oh, gross. Fish on land freak me out.

Maybe we should put up a net.

Bloody internet connection is terrible in Mortificado today. Probably those fish.

Even if I was a pescetarian, do you really think I'd want to eat fish from our moat? I don't suppose you royals have ever thought how the castle sewerage system works. Ew.

That's what I meant about taking out the trolls - darn fish keep knocking off the internet connection. Whoever thought to install it under a moat has got some explaining to do. What good's a troll that can't get online?

How do you know so much about the sewer system, dragon? Did you have something to do with this?

I have a sense of smell unfortunately