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Original poster

I don't have big piles.

998 replies

QueenMortifauxcado · 29/11/2016 21:26

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

OP posts:
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Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 02/02/2017 00:03

I quite like the idea of a knitted tank actually. Keep at it dragon, I believe in you.

OP posts:
paxillin · 02/02/2017 00:09

But what can you do with a lovingly knitted hole in case I'm good at that?

I have a nasty cold and feel very sorry for myself. Don't even feel like drinking. Sobriety experiment.

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 02/02/2017 01:06

I don't know, sell them on petsy as shawls for tiny dogs?

There there When you feel up to it, a hot spiced rum'll do you some good.

OP posts:
TheMortificadosDragon · 02/02/2017 07:19

A knitted tank? I assume you don't mean a Frank Spencer top, not very regal. Ok...

boingboing.net/2012/09/18/pattern-for-knit-panzer-tank-s.html

Or maybe more like www.creativenottingham.com/2014/01/29/new-year-resolution-1-take-up-knitting/. ?

Original poster
QueenMortifauxcado · 02/02/2017 10:43

Well the first one looks good but loses points for being slippers. The second one looks like it has more firepower and that's quite important in a tank.

OP posts:
HappyFlappy · 02/02/2017 22:27

Don't even feel like drinking

Blimey! The end of civilisation as we know it!

paxillin · 02/02/2017 22:35

No failed projects at the mo. I do still have the needles and they are long.

TheMortificadosDragon · 02/02/2017 23:37

Threatening a dragon with flammable sticks? Blimey, you must be poorly.

paxillin · 03/02/2017 00:30

Didn't think that through. No dragon shashlik I suppose.

TrumpMortificado · 03/02/2017 07:29

I hear this is the best place to go for dragons? I need four hundred now. The best ones, the very best, can't be girls though, you know what they're like #crooked

paxillin · 03/02/2017 08:30

The dragons might prefer to be skewered by me.

TheMortificadosDragon · 03/02/2017 08:38

Possibly, but better you skewer him, you chump. You skewer, I'll grill and the harpy will eat anything...

Which of the various queens and other pretenders thought a state visit was a good idea? Hmm I know its generally considered bad form to BBQ visiting heads of state, but here in Mortificado we'd cheerfully do the same to our own if the need arose

paxillin · 03/02/2017 09:52

Not sure bamboo knitting needles will go through that hide. Though he can be remarkably thin skinned at times..

HappyFlappy · 03/02/2017 10:21

TrumpMrtificado

We do have the best dragons!

Look at them! They're beautiful!!! Aren't they beautiful?!?!?!?!

I've seen them, and anyone who says they aren't beautiful is a LIAR! LIES - it's all LIES because I have SEEN themandthey are so beautiful and just look at their claws - have you ever seen claws like that, people?

Come on - have you? Have you? No - because these are the greatest claws ever - just beautiful. There is no dragon anywhere with sharper, pointier, slicker claws that the Mortificado dragons. I've seen the reposts and they are truly the best!!!!!!!

And their wings! - Look at those wings, folks!!!!!

Leathery - shiney - flappy . . . . You will never see wings like that anywhere else!!!!!!

And the fire is just amazing - there is no dragon more fuel-efficient that the Mortificado X - 1 - 11. Can flame all day on a nugget of coal; temperatures hotter than the centre of the earth; speed is 0 - 258 mph in a twentieth of a second; carb emissions lower than that of a woodlouse; methane - well, er, carb emissions are less than that of a woodlouse. I've seen the reports, people and these dragons are the BEST.

AND

They DO NOT CONTRIBUTE TO GLOBAL WARMING (a phenomenon we all know does not exist, but if it did, they wouldn't).

This is why we are going to use Mortificado Dragons to construct a wall to protect Mortificado from The Rest Of The World (did I mention that their scales are tougher than TUNGSTEN?!?!?!?!??????? - f*ck - I've run out of exclamation marks - well, anyway the are - the reports say so.)

If you want to invest in Mortificado Dragon Armaments Inc, let me know. I can supply as many as you want at competitive rates.

paxillin · 03/02/2017 10:31

Oh dear, HappyFlappy has been at the overproof rum again. Can you deal with him please, TheMortificadosDragon? He spits bullshit as well as fire so randomly when pissed.

HappyFlappy · 03/02/2017 10:55

He's a she Pax, though my adored adopted dragon son is a boy (obviously).

And please bear in mind that as a single parent of a growing dragon, I need all the help I can get, and if that involves over-proof rum () and becoming involved in construction work and the Arms industry to support my darling boy, then so be it.

paxillin · 03/02/2017 11:00

'Tis hard to tell with dragons, what with all the bits being on the inside. We should colour code them by sex, pink and blue worked for humans I believe.

HappyFlappy · 03/02/2017 11:47

Flappy is magenta, with coal black wings and claws of purest ebony and amber eyes (verging on gold).

He does have a small birthmark on his forehead in the shape of a lightening bolt. It is cerulean.

He is very shiney because he consumes lots of (not necessarily cod) liver oil. Very good for the scales, apparently.

TheMortificadosDragon · 03/02/2017 11:58

It's an evolutionary adaption that its hard to tell the sex of a dragon. Because a dragon which knows it's male can't tolerate the presence of another dragon which it knows to be male. Don't ask, don't tell is safest, and courting has to be done at a distance (the expectation is that OLD will be a boon and cause a resurgence in the dragon population - hadn't you ever wondered why there aren't many?)

HF is almost literally playing with fire by announcing that her adopted dragon is male. Sad Didn't you notice how carefully Brewer and I have skirted the issue?

As to HF's claim to be able to supply TrumpMortificado with many dragons - maybe that would be more credible if she hadn't scoffed all those poor defenceless confitted eggs?HmmAngry

paxillin · 03/02/2017 12:11

But a dragon's sex is not so well hidden that the dragon isn't sure herself (himself?)?

paxillin · 03/02/2017 12:14

Also, all dragons (except Happy's outed ds) identify officially as female, but there are stealth males among them?

TheMortificadosDragon · 03/02/2017 12:17

yup. Has to be that way. Like I said, its not surprising we're rare.

Also, can I point out that if you were unwise enough to assemble a troop of 400 specifically male dragons, you would rapidly learn the meaning of 'mutually assured destruction'.

TheMortificadosDragon · 03/02/2017 12:19

I was answering first question. We don't 'identify' as anything except 'dragon'Hmm what earthly interest is it to anyone (except oneself and another dragon, rarely) what sex we are.Confused

paxillin · 03/02/2017 12:24

But Mortifytrump wants males, so they have to identify?

ErrolTheDragon · 03/02/2017 13:03

Well, there's me...but honestly, the only reason male swamp dragons are the exception to the rule is that we're a bit pathetic. Blush