I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

I am a bit overdue for a skin-shedding.

Did you remember to buy some extra-high grade coal and the metal salts we requested for doing the colours?

gatecrasher. can you still only flame from the wrong end, I'm sure Her Majesty doesn't want to see that sort of thing whatever the colour.
But yes, the metals - Its the strontium which we always run out of.

You can flame the lush bath bombs left over from Christmas. Nobody is going to put them into bathwater and I bet they contain every compound know to dragonkind.

I dunno, might liven up the place a bit. Evening Errol, I have a mighty fine picture of you in my hallway. Still not quite sure who you are but the more the merrier

Starting on the plonk now, school night and all that. Got to get my units in and still go to bed at 1 am. An essential skill honed during the many years of post- 11 pm prohibition in the UK .

Errol ... are you my real dad?

Happy Birthday to you
We live in a zoo
You look like a dragon
And you smell like one, too.

Hip hip...

I do not

ooh... cake

Happy Birthday, your Majesty. Ignore that rude boy.

(she's nothing like as deliciously smoky as a dragon)

Why thank you dragon! ... I think.

Whose turn is it to clean the Harpy's litter tray?

That thing is DISGUSTING!

I know she doesn't use it often because she's cr*pping all over the offing castle, but still . . .

Put her back in nappies, too much faff.

She eats the Pax.

But not until after she thrown the contents from one end of the castle to the other.

And somebody has been feeding her hedgehogs again. They upset her otherwise cast-iron digestive system. And they give her worms.

I don't know how the MortificadoDirtyTeam manage the cleaning up. I see them around in their HazMat suits (usually throwing up into the dustbins - she's a rank little bugger) but their shovels and stuff just seem to dissolve on contact with her - er, faecal matter. And her pee goes straight through the stone floors. It's getting pretty treacherous underfoot here.

*eats them, not eats the

Is this how we're celebrating my birthday, endless conversations about poo?

Shall we burn it instead? I'm celebrating with a huge mug of coffee.

And I've written a song last night. And started cheering, but the others were all asleep.

💥 🗃

Oh, thanks for starting the fireworks, errol ....WTF is that .... no, I know you think its a perfect balanced diet of flammable and metal you disgrace to dragonkind But don't eat it, here, have a coalscuttle.

Sorry about that, your majesty.

🎉 🎂 💥💥💥💥

(Lots of strontium in the fireworks!)

Going to need more booze for this, where's the champagne?

And what's the song?

Got booze. It's overproof rum mixed with aftershave, but needs must.

And everybody:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HARPY'S SHIT ON YOUR SHOE
DRUNK DRAGONS ON THE FLO-OR
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow...

I can flame him if you want, your majesty. He'd go up beautifully with all that rum in him.

Hick hick, HOORAY!
Hick hick, HOORAY!
Hick hick, HOORAY!