I don't have big piles.

[QueenMortifauxcado]

Which is mightily impressive for sitting on a throne all day and existing primarily on carbs (and the odd avocado), isn't it?

Anyone else got an arse of steel?

Where is everyone?

Switzerland. I've just got back - had to leave early because my internal heat was causing snow melt and avalanches.

dragon everyone moans they can't see me when it snows, can I stay close to you this winter?

Someone needs to tell FlappysMammy we need him back as pope. I'm worried about what the new one may find rummaging round in the cellars! Also he's claiming he was the first

You're misgendering FlappysMammy, who claims to be a ladypope. I won't report you to the Inquisition this time.

Whoops, I'm sincerely sorry FlappysMammy the word mammy should have clued me in if I forgot I'll send some more gold to Flappy as an apology!

There's plenty of narrative thank you pope, the castle is haunted and... we'll I'll fill in the blanks once we get this seance going. But anyway there's going to be SPOOKY ACTIVITY and DRAMATIC HISTORY and all the other things I've been twatting about in preperation for our new show. Maybe even a washed up celebrity or two. Maybe the princess can present, although I don't know how many people are going to recognise her face. Anyway, you stay on standby pope I'm pretty sure we can work an exorcism in there somewhere, might make a good finale.

Unicorn, since you're not showing up on camera how about we use you in special effects?

Sure, just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. Do remember my lack of opposable thumbs though... Or fingers in general!

Err I don't know, kick some barrels around, move some crockery. You know, SCARY stuff.

Will do. If someone covers me with a sheet I could be a ghost horse think of how fantastic it will look on film when someone yanks the sheet away and nothings there...

Ooh good one Unicorn. Although... will your horn not give away the ghost?

Is the unicorn under a sheet yet? I am allergic to horses.

Why'd you date Kate then?

Maybe cut a hole for my horn? As long as you film me side on noone will notice the hole.

paxillin it is scientifically impossible to be allergic to a unicorns fur. Also I have already said this once but... Not a horse! Harrumph

Whereas centaurs... I once knew one whose human part was allergic to his horse part, poor chap. And another with hayfever. There are reasons why they're so rare and often bad tempered.

Someone needs to tell FlappysMammy we need him back as pope.

HER! - HER back as Pope. I am, as Dragon says, a LadyPope, like Pope Joan.

But fatter, because f the Toblerone.

Unicorn

I forgive you for your golden generosity to Flappy.

I did not have sex with any dragons.

And when the FUCK did you all come out in Harpies?!

And WHY did I just read all this?

I did not have sex with any dragons.

Oh, is the kid also only half-dragon, like Flappy?

Could the horse allergic centaur not shave or wax the horse part?

I stand corrected, unicorns clearly are not horses

I suppose he could, and then get a onesie to keep himself warm, cut the head part off of course. (it may stretch your credulity, but horse onesies do exist. How the heck you get a horse into one I don't know but the centaur should be able to manage.)

You were not kidding.

I preferred the zebra print.

How about now?

You PROMISED you'd never show anyone that picture! You PROMISED!

Ah but that was when I was posing as Princess Chardonnay, so technically your agreement was with her and since she no longer exists, that agreement is now void. Now I suggest you do something to kick this show into action or I shall have no choice but start rummaging in the archives. I'm sure there's plenty more where that came from.

I think we should have you center stage as some sort of clairvoyant, your short stay in the afterlife must have left you with a marketable backstory some sort of powers, yes?

I see the Mortificados have left the building!