Oooh can we have a thread about things you said and thought about your Precious First Born which make you blush looking back on it

[Anchovy]

Following on from the other thread which was veering that way.

My mum said she had seen a baby on the telly who was the same age as DS (three months) who seemed more alert than DS. I cried into a muslin.

I said I would never have an epidural.. women managed perfectly well without them for millenia and natrual was the way to fo!

Ha fecking ha! I screamed "GET ME AN ANAESTHETIST NOW!!!!!" repeatedly until one arrived and demanded immediate epidurals in early labout in subsequent child birth scenarios.

Not sure if this is exactly relevent but it sprang to mind.

That level pain is not normal, reasonable... or.... ethical!!!

My dh would video our pfb at any avaliable opportunity and show anybody who came to the house. Even I was embarassed that he didn't cut out the 20 mins of video showing the parent end of the baby monitor with the light going backwards and forwards as dd made cooing noises in her cot upstairs
For months I assumed that every time pfb cried it was because she needed her nappy changing...
I took mine to baby massage etc mainly so that somebody would make me a decent cup of tea cos I never got to drink a full one at home!
Was slightly surprised when I took ds (then aged 2) to Jo Jingles and saw a mum & dad there with a week old baby (who was asleep!)

I was quite mad when I had ds.

I kept the flat at a steady 18 degrees evem though that was too cold (and every room had one of those mothercare thermometers)

at 6 months and 1 day moved ds into a room of his own (FSID guidelines)

nearly hit another mother when she called ds "placid" (mind you she did tell me how bored her ds was when he was 2 weeks old )

when I expressed milk, I sterilised the pump, then because I had opened the steriliser, I re-sterilised the bottle while I was expressing and sometimes, I re-sterilised the lid while I was putting the milk in the bottle. If I ever dropped a bit of the bottle/breast pump on the side, I re-sterilised everything (I was a bit obsessed with sterilising).

I massaged ds with olive oil every night with the techniques learnt at the baby massage class(in his lovely bath stand which we lovingly wheeled into the living room every night).

I was too ashamed of ds's apgar score to tell anyone (he was born with the cord round his neck, so wasn't very responsive) )

Oh I was pretty unhinged looking back.

I now I bet you let him juggle knives don't you Pollanna! (Quote: Parenthood)

I developed an almost OCDish compulsion about sterilising with DS. I expressed for 4 months, as I couldn't bf & my routines resembled pollyannas. I used to have to wash every item of the expressing machine twice in boiling soapy water, because I was overcome with terror that there was bacteria I hadn't removed.
My hands were raw from washing.
Was definitely a first-timer thing as I didn't was obsessively with DD at all.

Oh, agree baby massage and any other classes that get you out of the house and meeting other people are A Good Thing. Apart from anything else, tiny babies (and older onese too) just like to be touched gently. Was just 'aving a laff at my earnest new mum self.

These are soooo funny . Laughing my head off at work .

I remember really looking forward to taking my newborn twins to the baby clinic for the first time to be weighed and I spent ages dressing them up in their gorgeous little clothes. When I arrived I was quite surprised/shocked at the lack of effort everyone had seemed to make with their babies, they all seemed to be in babygros.
I soon realised why, when I spent about 30 minutes undoing weeny cardigan buttons and trying to get teeny tights on wriggly newborn legs, with a long queue of grinning mums behind me.

Before DS was born had to move all our medicines from the floor level cupboard they lurked in - got quite obssesive about needing to do it. Of course newborn babies are well known for their crawling/cupboard opening skills. Ok a job that needed to be done but not for another 6-8 mths!!!!

God, I must have been a really "uncaring" mother. The only thing I can think of that's on this list that I did was to record how long he fed on each boob and at waht time, and when/waht bowel movements he had had. But then - he'd had jaundice and then wasn't gaining weight, so I was actually advsied to do this by the Breast feeding specialisats at the hospital.

I never had any problems going to the loo - or even having a leisurely, lavender oil infused (for healing purposes of course! ) bath - and leaving ds in his crib (fed and changed, so if he did cry, I knew it wasn't anything serious) - from less than a week old - ie as soon as I go home (which was at 5 days, 'cos of the jaundice).

The only thing I can think of is that we did keep the cats - who were used to sharing our bed, out of our room while ds slept in the crib beside us, and out of ds' room, when he transferred to the cot.

Does being paranoid that if I gave him any formula mil, my own milk would immediately dry up count? . Certainly worked as an incentive to persevere at the breast feeding when the little tyke, sorry, darling, pretended to suck and wasn't actaully taking anything - hence the slow weight gain . Did succeed in feeding him for 13 months - and if I were able to have another one, would this time look at the baby rather than the scales. If he/she is happy, healthy and alert, who cares what weight he/she is?

Ringing for the midwife a couple of hours after dd was born. I was in a blind panic because she had hiccups...

I was a bit obsessed with weighing but I liked talking to people at the clinic.

You are all mental. I did none of this. Of course I'd leave DS1 upstairs asleep and come downstairs when we'd just brought him home

Mind you, I did cut the top off his finger when I was cutting his nails when he was about 8 weeks old. I sobbed "I've never seen his blood before and I wouldn't have done yet if I'd not been such a bad mother" fgs. (Ignoring the fact I had seen his blood when he had his heel prick test.

Not read all the threads but I went through just about all of these with my two. In fact I still sometimes sit on the toilet seat to warm it up for a few minutes, after ascertaining from my 4yo that he needs to go for a poo..... (he so hates to sit on a cold seat that it puts him off...used to result in an accident, but why am I still doing it???)

This thread made me laugh so much that I had to immediately join Mumsnet!

I am a new mum to Zoey, who's 3 months old, and I recognise so much of me in this thread! When she was three weeks old a friend asked how much water I was giving to her in addition to formula and I cried for a whole day as I didn't know you had to give extra water and was convinced she was dehydrated... and today after speaking to one of my mates who was off to a baby & toddler group I had a complete panic attack that I hadn't joined one yet... then I read this thread and felt normal again!

Thank you all for making me feeling so much better!

HM, dh did that last week as well and we didn't realise until i noticed blood over the car seat harness. And last night i forgot to turn on the monitor whilst we were downstairs having dinner -
I like the saying from earlier - love them like they're your first and treat them like they're your second.

When my dd1 was born she was so swollen I thought she only had one eye, I can remember thinking "oh poor thing, I'll still love you." Thankfully I didn't voice my concerns.

I spoke to the HV about my DD1s blinking - her eyes wouldn't shut and open at the same time

I still worry about filling up with petrol. I don't want to leave my children in the car alone just in case there's a fire and no-one could get them out

Am I a complete lunatic?

Used to take dd along religiously every week to be weighed until the health visitor failed to keep a straight face one day & suggested perhaps weekly wasn't entirely necessary for the Fuller Figure Baby!!!!!

PMSL, repeatedly!

I love the idea of the nightvision function on a videorecorder -- if only I had thought of that I could have slept in the dark all these months instead of using a nightlight!

My PFB is 13 mo and I still poke her sometimes to make sure she's breathing... Are we out of the woods on the SIDS thing yet? I think so but can't stop checking to make sure she's ok...

The MW said that she was exceptionally pretty. I believed her and was beaming about it for weeks. Do you think she says that to everyone?? Looking at the photos now, I'm assuming she must!

OMG I have laughed so much at these, the tears are rolling down my face, a childless colleague has asked what I am laughing at but I could not tell her, she just would not of got it.
I am guilty of so many of these, I remember my MILs partner looking at me like I was totally crackers when interrogating him about the freshness of the freshly boiled water!
When DS1 first spent the weekend with MIL at 5 months I wrote in Excel a detailed itinerary that was printed and laminated! I was concerned that if she spilt her coffee or anything else on it and it was illegible she would be at a total loss the entire weekend as how to care for my boy! The itinerary was so anal it even had instructions as how I?d like and exactly where Sudacrem was to be applied. Sado!
When DS2 had his first weekend without mom & dad he was delivered with a grunted, ?Everything you needs in the bag and you know the score, bye?.

I would actually get upset if I went out & no-one complimented me on my lovely baby (I got very used to compliments). He was and still is beautiful though. So is DS2.

I'm just bumping this thread as it was sooo funny, for anyone who needs a laugh!

the thing that really makes me blush was visiting some friends - for several days - when dd was about 4-5 months. I thought the whole world stopped for newborns. My friends had an 18-month old (who looked HOOOOOGE), one at 3 and a half and one at 5 and a half. and i just thought she was expert mum, that her whole life was sorted and easy because she knew what she was doing, wasn't breastfeeding and the kids all slept through the night. I have apologised so many times since. she's lovely and laughs and promises me she didn;t think I was a pita. she's a real friend

that at eight months he was far too young to be left withn anyone but me even for an hour!now he wont stay with anyone and ive not been out for years silly silly twaty me,oh and an hour out of hospital announcing that he never crys.......again silly me

I do remember thinking that the fact the midwife commented on dd following the light was a sign of her superior intelligence. she was about 10 days old. w.t.f.