Oooh can we have a thread about things you said and thought about your Precious First Born which make you blush looking back on it

[Anchovy]

Following on from the other thread which was veering that way.

My mum said she had seen a baby on the telly who was the same age as DS (three months) who seemed more alert than DS. I cried into a muslin.

Hey WWW your house has a purpose built 'naughty step'. How cool is that?

I would've done the same with the gate too though At one point our house seemed like Prisoner Cell Block H, just walking through it you had to clank in and out of about 5 gates.

I was overly paranoid about DS1 being cold. On a hot August day I took him out in vest, t-shirt, jeans, shoes, socks and coat. Poor little fella it was about 26 degrees. After seeing half a dozen other babies in just vests, i took his coat off.

I remember spending about 40 mins explaining to my Mum how to look after my DD - like she'd never had a baby

I used to put a fan heater on every time I changed his nappy to prevent cold breezes on his little newborn bum! Ahhhhh...come to think of it, I still do it when it's cold! (and he's 15 mo).

I know someone who refused (pre-birth) to have ANYTHING secondhand hand for her PFB. Now the ds is 8 weeks, she is gratefully accepting bumbo seats, clothes and toys after she checked her bank balance.

I took ds1 to a nursery rhyme show for his birthday as I KNEW he was musical and I believed he'd recognise some of the songs and thoroughly enjoy himself.
He cried from the moment the curtain went up.
He was 1!

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I used to lie under the baby gym with dd and 'play' with her!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF????????????//

Why didn't I sit and drink a coffee while I could??????????

What a fuckwit I was!

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Was changing my ds nappy one day when he was about 4 weeks old and he peed straight onto his face AND HE LICKED IT OFF HIS CHEEK Became hysterical and made dh call the midwife to make sure he hadnt poisoned himself. (Have since read that some movie stars drink their own urine )
Also made dh ring midwife when ds ate some of the bubbles from his bath.
Needless to say, she hated me!

I wrote thank you notes for various things, written from dd1's point of view

I cringe just thinking about it now!

I also used to play with dd1 on the floor at a few weeks old under her playmat, took her into the bathroom when I had a shower so she wouldn't be alone, ironed babygros and vests

lots of these things!

also went every week without fail to have her weighed

dd3 has been once, at 5 weeks. She's now 5 months!

LOL at these!

I remember shouting at my mum because I had boiled the kettle for my newborn DS's bottles and I was waiting for it to cool down and she had the cheek (in her house fgs) to come into the kitchen and switch the kettle back on to make a brew for my brother!!

I went ballistic screaming that I would have to start all over again after waiting for an hour for it to cool down - SO embarrassed about it now (7 months later)!! I know they recommend only boiling water once but I don't think he would have come to any harm

highly embarassing (my excuse is that I probably had drugs still coursing through my system) - WHen I was still in hospital, saying loudly (so I am sure the whole ward could hear), 'oh we're so lucky with ds, I mean he's so beautiful. I feel sorry for all those others with ugly babies'

I cringe when I look back

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Lol at all of these

I went to have a look around a house with DD (approx 6 weeks old). Dear old biddy owners offered to hold DD while I went upstairs with estate agent.

On the way up the stairs I started freaking out that they were going to do something awful with my precioussssss.

Started looking around bedrooms, patently not listening to a word the estate agent was saying. Started sweating. Milk began spurting through breast pads and dripping down top. Agent asked pityingly if I wanted to go and get DD. Gratefully yelped YES (like I needed permission?! ) and ran downstairs to snatch happily gurgling DD back.

Was genuinely fantasising on the way home that they might have poisoned her. Felt compelled to strip her off and bathe her as soon as I got through the door...

OMG, i can't breathe for pmsl at WWW - stairgate and MB..baby gym.

I was pg with dd when I announced to dh I would not be allowing the tv to babysit our precious children! I Would be playing with them and stimulating them!!

Fast forward>> 6 weeks old dd planted in front of the teletubbies every evening dh came home from work.

Also remember playing ball with dd when she was 3 months old! WTF??

I rearranged my entire flat so that all ds1's sleeping areas were next to an outside wall as it was warmish when he was born and I was terrified of him overheating.

I too felt sorry for all those mothers with unmodel-like babies. And was convinced someone would try to swap him, so always slept facing him on the maternity ward.

I used to take him to the bathroom with me in a tiny one bedroomed flat, where, if I left the doors open, I could actually see the living room from the toilet! When I finally plucked up the courage to leave him in (my totally unoccupied and secure) the living room, I drew the curtains, to ensure nobody covetted his beauty through the window.

At 5 dyas old with pfb I phoned the midwives as she hadn't done a poo that day.

At 2 weeks old I phoned NHS Direct because she wouldn't stop crying

Can you tell I hadn't even really held a baby before I had her!?

Oh and during the evenings I put her to sleep in her moses basket in the lunge next to the tv in case she stopped breathing... No wonder she didn't sleep

So funny, I have tears in my eyes! I just being immediately desperate to have another one almost instantly by Dh wouldn't oblige

Err, should read just remember being...tears obviously blurring sight

Oh, I remember those special new mum glasses that make your own baby look perfect and every other baby look inferior... used to honestly pity most of the other mothers in my baby massage class. Esp. the ones whose babies were 4 months while mine was newborn.. they were just TOO DARN BIG.

Key symptom of being a precious first time mother is, of course, actually taking a newborn to baby massage classes...