Feeling fat, depressed, frumpy and old (at 26)

[nutcracker]

I don't know whats wrong with me but for the past few days i just feel sooooo fed up, p**d off and old.
Don't get me wrong, i am still ecsatically happy about the new house e.t.c. but I keep geting this feeling that, thats it, i'm 26, i've had my kids and now my life is over.

Bloody stupid i know, as i have my whole life in front of me. I think i have way to many regrets about my life so far, which keep dragging me down.
I've tried to tell myself to get over it and move on buti don't seem to be able to.

Just feel so pathetic and useless really.

Sorry for moaning. I was kinda worried this would happen. Thouyght i was just depressed because of the housing probs, but i think i always knew at the back of my mind that there was more to it than that.

Hi Nutcracker. Once you've got the house sorted, it sounds like it's time to sort out your future. Do you still have plans to go back to college? Or do you think there's something else niggling at the back of your mind?

Oh, and I feel just like your thread title some days too - just add a decade to the age!

Yes nutcracker you do have your whole life ahead of you, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel low sometimes. Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings? How old are your children? Moving house is rather a big upheaval though and anything else that was troubling you will have been pushed to the back of your mind while you think house/moving/stress thoughts! I'm a little older (34) and feel like that many a time. These feelings don't make us either pathetic or useless. I'm sure you're a lovely person doing a great job raising your family. Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

TBH there is always lots of things niggling at the back of my mind, and i think thats what gets me down sometimes.

I know everyone must have some regrets about things that they did or didn't do but how do you get over them. I just seem to have them going round and round in my head all the time.

I know i should concentrate on getting me sorted once we've moved, but tbh something else will probably happen to stop that, it usually does.

nutty you are me! join my club, no help whatsoever! just the same age, same sentiments. I feel the same. I even went down the job centre today and no-one helped me!

Aero - My kids are 6, 4 and 18mths. I was seeing a pyschatrist but he discharged me because he felt all my probs were housing based (which they were then), and he couldn't really help me with that.

I just feel like such a moaner.

Fio - Why did no one help you ?? I thought thats what they were there for.

I know this is going to sound awful! but she seemed to think I should be concentrating on looking after my 2 year old until he started school ?!!

and i thought i might be able to do this new deal thing because i am carer, but i cant

Hmmm, practical help - maybe, been thinking about how to help you feel a little bit better.

Would it help to........still thinking......
think about women you admire both in and out of limelight that don't conform to being stick thin??????

Would you feel better if you went and had a hair trim and bought a shampoo with a colour in it to give you a bit of a lift??????

Took an hour out to pamper yourself, paint your nails etc.

Am I helping, at all??????

Sorry babes, wishing you a smile on your face.
TC x

Oh thats no good is it.
I have quite often seen jobs advertised which i would love to do, but then i find that they are for college leavers or a new deal scheme.
Fair enough but what about the rest of us.

Oh i've just burnt the bloody tea

Even Big Brother is depressing me, how sad is that.

Those are all really good ideas Thomcat, thanks.
Suppose i should pamper myself a bit. Can't remember the last time i did that.
As for the feelking fat thing, I know i am not really, i am 5'2 and 9 stone,size 10/12 but i have been trying to lose some weight and getting no where fast .

I feel like i need someone to shake me up and tell me to stop being stupid. Thing is even if they did, i don't think i could.

When I feel down about being overweight I think to myself 'but would you really be happy on a diet' to which the answer is a big fat no! So I think okay so be fat and happy rather than being ona diet to and miserable only to become a bit slimmer, maybe and be down about soething else anyway! PS being a sixe 10/12 is just fine babes. I've 5ft 5/6ish and a 14. So what!!!

Who cares if you have a roll of fat round your iddle mate, beauty come from within and there is nothing more attractive than a nice smile.

Put on a Cd, and dance round the house being mad, that might cheer you up a bit?????? if not it'll make the kids and the neighbours laugh at least!

Did I already suggest painting your toenails?

How about try wearing a new bottom and top combination so you have a new outfit (that's not new at all but you won't have worn it that way before)!!!???

Phone a mate and ask them over for a cheap bottle of plonk.

Nutty, i always follow your threads (i am not a stalker - honest!!) because in some ways you remind me of me iyswim?

Quite a few of your recent problems remind me of mine, and i just felt as if i was getting lower and lower, with no way out.

TBH, i think i near enough hit the bottom before i actually started to make changes in my life, and there are still lots of things i want to change.

I remember that we were both talking about taking driving lessons at the same time. I had been thinking about it for years, but there was always something in my way. I didn't have enough money, and i thought i would be rubbish - i didn't even think i would be able to start the engine my confidence was that low.

But i got myself a part-time job. I work as a lottery agent, 3-4 hours a Week on a evening is all i do. But i get payed about £30-£40, which is enough to pay for my driving lessons, with a little left over each Week.

Then i got myself a driving instructer who deals with nervous people. She has been brilliant, and to my suprise, i am doing really rather well!!

Each of these small things has given me a huge boost in self esteem, which in turn is helping me to tackle the 'bigger' things in life.

I am going to start college in September, so that i can train for something new, especially for when my 2yr old starts school/nursery. And i will be able to drive myself to my new job!!

Obviously these things are in the future, but it is giving me something to aim at - and to be honest, i feel like a new person.

Looking back at what i have wrote, it seems like a huge brag about me, but what i am trying to get over to you, is to start with small things, one at a time, and you can turn your life around. XXXX

Your first two are the same ages as mine and ds2 is 5 months. That make you a pretty young mum - Just think - by the time you're 40 they'll pretty much be looking after themselves. Can anyone babysit for you to have a night out with friends to give yourself a bit of a lift. If you really are depressed, then you will need to seek help from your GP who can sort out some counselling or medication if necessary. The housing thing may have just been masking your other thoughts and feelings.
What sort of things are bothering you? (Won't be ofended if you don't want to answer that).

Hmmm don't really have any friends, suppose that gets me down.

Saintshar - Good for you. I still haven't sorted my driving lessons out, just keep making excuses.

Aero - I think you are right about the housing probs masking other stuff. Whilst it was depressing it was something for me to focus on and work at.
I'm not really sure what i'm depressed about.
Actually thats not really true, i'm depressed cos i'm 26, have no friends, never go anywhere or do anything exciting.
I think i'm also annoyed with myself (actually i know i am) for not making the most of my pre kids years (not that there were many, i was 19 when i had Dd1).
I went to college and came out with nothing, got asked out by gorgeous blokes and was always to shy to say yes, never went clubbing or anything like that. I was just boring really.

God i could cry, it's hard writing it all down, especially as most of it is just silly things.

be my friend. with my sisters and aprents away this week, i releised how few friends i have. god i'm sad.

did u suffer pnd at all nutty? i did with dd12 and even now, 4yrs on, i feel terribly down for days/weeks at a time over nothing. drives me mad.

Don't worry about not coming out of college with anything, you can always do a distance learning course later on or go back to college. Try not to dwell on the past but think about the future and how much fun you will have when your children are a bit older. Do you have a dp or dh? Can they offer any pearls of wisdom? Sorry if my advice hasn't been helpful - I generally turn to alcohol when i'm feeling down - naughty I know

Do you have a dp/dh around (sorry - quite new so don't know your position re that)? You've definately got friends - even if they are virtual!!. Try to focus on the future rather than the past - you'll still be young enough to enjoy life loads when your kids are 'off your hands'. Is there anything you'd like to do in particular? Think baby steps and just concentrate on achieving things one thing at a time.

Also, are there any other mners in your area you could meet up with?

hi nutty,
i dont no what to say except your are a lovely lovely person dont feel down your moving into a new house soon p.s didnt you go to the collage yet

Remember, you can't change the past. It has gone. Regrets drain and torment you but keep you trapped in the past. But the future is there for you and you can sit there dreading it and fearing it, or you can walk towards it and feel it open up to you, which it will, if you can do it with optimism and bravery. Doing anything at all that takes you into that future in a positive way will make you feel better and stronger and happier, and that will give you the strength to make more changes. You only need to take tiny steps. Don't think "I have to change my whole life right now or it's not worth doing anything'. That will just paralyse you. Sit down and write 5 or 10 things you would like to do with the rest of your life. Anything. Big, small, trivial or serious. And then brainstorm ideas of how to get there. Don't allow yourself any negativity. You are only thinking positive thoughts here. So, would you like a qualification? What in? Why? What is the first tiny step you could make to get it? Do you need to do a course to access the qualification? Can you find out more about that course? The steps can be very small - ie maybe making a phone call, or just looking it up the number in the telephone directory. Do one tiny thing towards your big goal. Would you like to have shinier hair? Go out and buy a hair pack. Or ask a friend what they use. Just one tiny step. But really, it's not your body or your looks that are making you feel gloomy. It's your feelings of being trapped. Your body is fine. Not perfect, but unless you are Naomi Campbell or Gisele, who can say they have a perfect body. Nobody cares about that inch or two around the middle. Think about your friends and celebrities. Do you judge them harshly for their looks and a few pounds of flab? Do you think they are worse people or less competent because they don't look like supermodels? Honestly, Nutty, it's not your body. You will like your looks better when your life is happier, and you can start making changes - tiny, teeny ones, today, just by making that list of goals and ideas of how to get there. Let yourself be open-minded. Think BIG! Let your imagination go. Imagine yourself in five, ten years time. What would you like to see? And if that's too scary, just think about what you could do to make tomorrow better.
And do try to think about good stuff in your life. You are moving to a new house that will transform your day to day life. Moving is stressful though, and so is change, so expect to have some mixed feelings about the move. That's OK. You have lovely kids that you've had young so you will be pretty much free when you are my age - and I've got a nearly three year old! You haven't 'lost' the years when you didn't go out and socialise, you will just have them a bit later. It's the same life, just the other way round. And can I tell you something, I'm 41 in July and I think I enjoy my life much more now than when I was 26, which in my opinion was a bit overrated. I don't feel old, I still have long hair and wear reasonably funky clothes and can touch my toes! I know when I was 26 I thought 41 was clapped out, but now I know it isn't. Having kids hasn't taken any years away from you, just put you on a different timetable, not a worse one by any means.
Give yourself a break. Look forward to small things in life. Enjoy the thought of your new house. Do something nice for yourself every day, even it's just having a cup of coffee in the sun or buying yourself a rubbish magazine. And try not to use such nasty language about yourself - you know, words like 'Stupid', 'pathetic' and 'useless'. Would you say those things about a friend? If not, why say them about yourself? Cut those critical words out of your life. Be kind to yourself - just like you'd be to a friend. It will honestly make you feel better!
Good luck!

Oh my, what a huge post! Sorry!

Nutcraker - I know that things seem bad at the moment - it is just a bit of a rut. Things will pick up - I admire you having three children so young and still being sane!! I have one and feel exhausted. You always give good advice on here and seem like such a nice person.
I am double your size and would love to be a size 10 - 12! You should have more confidence in yourself, you have done well having 3 kids and being so slim!
Just think of what a stressful time you have had lately and dont expect so much of yourself. You are not going to be the life and soul, you have had a rough time. This time next year you will look back on all this as a blip.

aloha - you should be an agony aunt!

Thanks for all the replies, sorry if i miss anyone...

Misdee - Yes i did have PND, with Dd2 and mildly with Ds. The PND with Dd2 really knocked me about i think, and i didn't have any treatment for it. I think thats when i sort of lost my identity iykwim. I just turned into a mom and thats it.

Vict & Aero - Yep i do have a Dp but to be honest he moans more than me, which also gets me down alot and i never ever talk to him about my probs as i don't think he'd listen and i probably wouldn't listen to him either to be fair.

Nikcola - No haven't been yet, keep losing my nerve and can't decide if i'm doung the right thing/course.

Aloha - Your spot on really (you really should be an agony aunt). I do tend to worry to far ahead iykwim. I should just break things up in to managable pieces i know, but my mind runs away with me.
I worry alot about the future. I would like a career and wanted to do nursing but i'm really not sure i'd be up to the study. I'm not thick but i'm easily distracted and get bored to easily.
I really DO want to learn to drive as it would make my life so much easier, and i must get that sorted i know.
I know i'll still be young enough to do stuff when the kids are older, but tbh that wories me too, like i don't want them to get older and not need me.

God i'm just waffling now really aren't I.

Did i miss anything or anyone ??