Feeling fat, depressed, frumpy and old (at 26)

[nutcracker]

I don't know whats wrong with me but for the past few days i just feel sooooo fed up, p**d off and old.
Don't get me wrong, i am still ecsatically happy about the new house e.t.c. but I keep geting this feeling that, thats it, i'm 26, i've had my kids and now my life is over.

Bloody stupid i know, as i have my whole life in front of me. I think i have way to many regrets about my life so far, which keep dragging me down.
I've tried to tell myself to get over it and move on buti don't seem to be able to.

Just feel so pathetic and useless really.

Sorry for moaning. I was kinda worried this would happen. Thouyght i was just depressed because of the housing probs, but i think i always knew at the back of my mind that there was more to it than that.

Sorry, forgot Carly.

Thankyou for the compliments and yes you are right i should have more confidence in myself, and i do try to, but i always seem to fail at it.

know what u mean about loss of identity. i was 19 when i had dd1 and i felt like i had gone from a fun loving raver who was always out and having fun to a moaning old woman who had to stay in with baby all the time. i got very irrational, remember screaming at dh for leaving a spoon out on the drainer, and just wanted my old life back. it took 18months to get to some sort or normality after being told i had PND. Surprisingly didnt have it with dd2, but i think that because i was thrown into helping care for dh who was ill when i was pregnant, and the we split up, and got back together, so altho i was down i wasnt depressed iykwim. I still feel like i want some of my old life back (who wouldnt?) and wonder if i'm ever gonna have a normal life. some days i go on strike atround the house, tho that backfired the other day as after 2 days of housework strike, i did the washing up and blocked the sink which resulted in a flooded kitchen.
Oh gawd i'm rambling. I always make sure i have time to get my hair cut every 6-8weeks, atm am sporting a very short spikey do, its quite libertaing really, and its lovely feeling the breeze on my neck today inbetween the heat.
One thing i've learnt is no matter what (even tho i long for it all the time) life just wont change back to how u want it, its best to just get on with it, only you can change the future

(i got there in the end inbetween all the waffle)

Yeah you are right.
I will have to start setting myself little goals and see how i go.

O.k my first one is

• I will send off for my replacement birth certificate so that i can get my provisional licence.

I know that is a very small thing but i've been putting it off cos i knew i would then have to book some lessons.

and we will badger u till its done!!

LOL, o.k

nutcraker - i have just started learning to drive and can recommend the AA. Once you get started driving you will realise how good it will be to drive!

Also just a thought, I have been reading a book that has really helped me with my life (setting goals and looking at self image and so on). The author is Dr Phil Mcgraw(he is great! I love Dr Phil) and the book is called 'self matters'.

Oooh thanks Carly, i'll look out for that.

Do you mind if i ask how much the AA charge for lessons ??

Look it up on www.theaa.com nutty

I pay 220 pounds odd for 12 lessons (blooming expensive arent they!!) You can pay over the phone and the aa set up an account. Or you can pay lesson by lesson to the instructor. I asked specifically for a woman instructor and they were very helpful. You learn in a Ford Focus. hope this helps mate

I think we all feel depressed and as if we are not doing anything much with our lives, when our children are small. Another year or two will make all the difference.Lets face it we all spend most of our time running around after everyone else and putting ourselves last on the list.
Since my DS twins started school in September, I've really started doing things for myself again.
Your time will come again soon, your still young, and can follow any career you fancy once your kids are a bit older, you just may have to wait a little longer, but you can make a start with the driving lessons.

Thanks Carly. Works out to about 18/19 quid a lesson so thats not too bad. Bsm are the same i think.

I think i would want a woman instructor too. I like them Ford Focus's so that would be good. They aren't so small are they. I am terrified of having to learn in a didi car and then having to drive our estate .

The focus is a nice car to drive in as it is not too small - but then again it isnt massive and a nightmare to park! The cars are never older than 6 months old (the AA replace them every 6 months) so they are lovely to drive!

Nutty, the price of lessons with national school varies from area to area. This link should enable you to work out how much it'll cost in your area. Also don't bank on there being an instructor available in your area right away.

Thanks NDP, checked it out and it won't give ma an online quote because there is a very high demand in my area at the mo.

Oh well, i'll have a look at some others.

Oh nutty. Would it help if I came and took you and the kids out for the day? I don't live too far away from you (and I'm older and fatter so that should make you feel better). There could be a slight logistical problem about how to get 4 car seats into one car, but we'll work it out somehow. Perhaps someone else could come along too and we could do a mini-meetup complete with transport from Nutty's? Do you know Sandwell Valley? It's not far from you, and fantastic value (and ds loves it). A farm park, and a modern farm which is open to look round, and a country park, totally free during the week and even at weekends only £1 adults/50p kids for the farmpark bit) We could go to the farms (I'd pay - afraid it would have to be a weekend due to work), and round the country park, and take a picnic.

I know what you mean about not having friends - all the people I work with are male, and single, and because I work I don't really get a chance to do anything which involves meeting other mums as any activities are all daytime/midweek. Really, so many peoople will feel the same way, but to look at them you can't tell, so it's so easy to end up feeling it's only you. It isn't, honestly.

Nutty, on the driving front, can I just say that its the best thing I ever did. Everyone has days when they feel trapped, when its hard to see the positive side of your life, and for me, being able to jump into the car, even with the kids, and scoot off to a cafe or a park or the garden centre, gives me a real sense of freedom. And I am not a 'natural driver' BTW: it took me ages to pass my test, but now I am so glad I stuck at it! Hope you have a lovely day

Hi nutcracker, sorry I don't have time to read the whole thread and may repeat something.
Do you exercise? It's just that you don't sound as if you need to lose weight but maybe u need toning plus exercise lifts your endorfins and the happy mood chemicals

This is pot calling kettle as I should exercise myself

Nutcracker, I know how you feel. I have just seen a ex-work colleague who is the same age as me and she looked fabulous! Beautifully made up, tanned and sophisticated looking. I feel like crap! I need to lose 3.5 stone, my hair is a mess, I can't work because of clinical depression, I have no friends or family near me and I'm a crap housewife! I don't feel like I have the energy to do anything about it at the moment but I can't stay like this! Will take the dog for a long walk and think how to tackle it. I'm 38 next week and 3 people have asked me if I am my 3 year old's Gran! Aaaaagh!

Hi nutty

I really know what you mean and I really feel for you. I'm stuck in a terrible rut right now too and don't feel much hope for a shiny happy future, but the one thing I do know is that nothing stays the same forever

Everyone who's said take tiny steps is right - sometimes the idea of changing your life can be so overwhelming that it's almost easier to do nothing, but bit by bit you can change things. For example, I'm going for a job interview today - just 16 hours a week and I have no idea how I'm going to sort out childcare if I get it but I'm going to go anyway and see what happens. If I start worrying about the hows and whys I'll never go. And maybe it'll make me start to feel a bit more like a member of the human race!

The little things really can make a difference. Chin up, mate, you've got so much ahead of you, and we're always here, as you know!

Morning Nutty, how are you feeling today?

OH nutcracker, i felt like this the past few days, just completely fed up of things and you can't shake it off. I hope you feel happier soon.

Oh Nutty, sorry to hear you are feeling so low but, blimey I would give anything to be 26 again! I'm 40 and TBH my life didn't even begin until I was 26. Until then I also felt useless, stuck in a rut, fed up etc and I got really radical and moved ... to Australia! I was reading your thread about your new house the other day and you know I was so envious, I've never owned a house yet, always renting, always moving, I would love to be able to say 'this is mine' and to settle somewhere. Try and concentrate of what you've got, not what you haven't and take each step a tiny bit at a time - did you send off for you replacement BC yet? It's a good start, keep going. Oh, and by the way, one of my all time favourite women is Dawn French and look at the size of her - I bet she'd love to be your size! Size is immaterial, it's what's inside that counts and from what I can gather you seem to be a great person with a lot to give. Sorry, this is turning into a pep talk isn't it - I'll shut up!

Thanks again for all the replies.

Haven't finnished reading them all through properly yet but i will do once the kids are in bed.

I am feeling slightly better today, although very tired for some reason.
I did enquire about a new birth certificate but i'm gonna have to wait until we move, as i don't want it going to the wrong address.

I know i am not old or fat really, it just feels like that some days.
I am going to get myself an excercise vid/dvd as i think thats what i need to do.
I am also going to ask my one friend (well dd's friends mom) if she wants to go out as a belated birthday celebration, as i'd really like that and was quite upset when i ended up doing nothing again on my birthday.

Will post again later when i've had chance to read it all properly.