ITALIAN mums out there - franca etc

[eastend]

DS is sick, what would a good Italian mum cook for him? First time he is properly sick, I need to cook him something, even if he might not eat it...

Ciao! Med, I'm sorry you are feeling low. I'm pretty sure the holidays are going to help. And the sunshine. And the sea. Sembra un luogo comune, but I do believe that stare all'aria aperta, deos wonder for physical wellbeing (and the mood goes on the up).
I hate being a sahm.

wonders

FGTH your new name is fantastic!!!!!!!!! I hope you will keep it!!!!

agree, the holiday I am sure will make wonders.

thanks!

franca is it difficult for you to find p/t work outside the house?

I don't know pippi. All the things I'd like to do need retraining. Which requires commitment and efficient childcare arrangements. Everything seems to be incredibly daunting and I don't know where to start. I think everything is linked to some underlying "depression", no, depression is not the right name, I don't know, as if I'm trying to be detached from real life here.

apologies for cheap psychology: is it that you do not want to committ in this country for fear that it will mean stay for ever?

you probably know better than me that it won't be the case, but I think it will give you an independence that might allow you to see this place as more 'yours' rather than only related to DH's job IYSWIM. and who know whatever you might retrain on might be useful once you go back home. you do not want to go back home and look back at these years and think, I should have enjoyed them more.

re: looking for childcare it is daunting I admit.I considered not returning to work because of that TBH. and it is stresful at time to see your kids learning stuff some other ways than you would have but it is a small price to pay for a bit of sense of worthiness.

please please sorry if I sound patronising it is not what I meant. I just feel to hear you are not are your best! I am sure you have a lot inside that MUST come out!

defined by, rather

yes, your analysis is spot on. Add to that metres and metres of lack of self confidence, which has always been my problem.
I don't have a personal problem with childcare, I'm a great supporter of nurseries, and the children have always gone (part time) as I think it was the best environment for them to learn English. But what happens when they are ill? Since I took up this translation, I've always been the one staying with them when they are unwell. Which is fair enough. I don't know, I'm in a bad mood today...
You will be you even as sahm, pippi. It's not our job that defines us. Even motherhood, which I do believe takes up a huge amount of our "being", defines us a 100%.
Yes, it'd be nice to meet up sometimes!

doesn't define us a 100% I meant.

Hello again , Nice name Franca I will be dropping the 5 soon ..when I get round to changing it!
YOu know guys I feel the same even though I am in Italy part of life here but not really .
However I think it was Pippi or med who asked here are my votes on mozzie things... And I have tried the lot !

Up to one year best is a citronella cream it is a bit thick and it stinks I wash dd in the morning almost a mini shower.
Chicco Zanza stop is CR*P as ist the chicco anti sting for after bite.
Autan do an Autan family but I am a bit wairy of using that as its not all natural ( fingers in mouths etc etc ).
Best after bite cream is boots own sting relief .
For adults use the After bite ammonica pens.
We also use citronella plug in things and have just got Sandokan tablets to put in a machine. Again all natural.

Before dd Just did a spray of the room and then open windows when we went to bed!
We do have zanzaniere by the way but they get in somehow!!

Rosa, I bet you do feel the same !
I had a fantastic natural repellent which I bought in some Italian farmacia, I think it's name is babyzanzara? You can both spray it on baby and in the room.
Sandokan tablets? As Sandokan the RAI whole time hero????
There is a lovely negozio biologico in Venice, I went with a friend last year, it's near the big outdoor market... (ok, I'm suffering a major attack of amensia at the moment)

I do like this new name a lot I must admit! You 'look' all glam and sparkly my dear francagoestohollywood!!!

true aboout the not being defined by the job... I'd die if I were to be known just for my shitty job. what I meant was, I think, that one does more than one thing... or something I don't know.

DD and I went out for lunch and to the park playing frisbee today, it was quite nice actually.

DH p*ed me off a bit, unreasonably I must admit as he is always at home, because he said he was going to be hime early and now is 100miles away!!! literally!!

I suppose it depends if your identity is linked to your job. Before ds i had a normal office job (nothing glam,but flexible and well paid, or at least average london wage), and it gave me zero sense of worthiness, only cash. Don't feel guilty about dh bringing in the main money, we live fairly frugally by shopping around, hols with friends, 2nd hand clothes. Would be nice to move to a house with a garden, impossible on one wage, but great as it allows me to have a chilled out time. Also dh is freelance, so often home, so we can eat together most lunchtimes, share a coffee, etc. Anyway I think I get my sense of self from reading, writing, watching films, exhibitions, having adult time, thinking but also on on the other hand from being a mum to ds. Ideally I want to be with ds and have time for my inner life if you see what i mean which i have now to a certain extent. I would go mad if i was split between an office and ds, and no time to just sit and wonder.
Thank you for zanzara tips rosa.
Franca do you think you may have a very mild depression? Sorry i am asking but one can be open on the internet after all. I feel less depressed as time goes by,also started some counselling which is great, it was a real chemical rollercoaster.

I like people to be open Med . I don't know. I think I'm quite ignorant about depression. Sometimes I think yes, I might be mildly depressed. Sometimes I believe it's just me, being lazy and full of doubts as I've always been. However before coming here, I felt a bit more "grounded", as my perception of self worth was confirmend by abitudini, friends, and a small number of (small) accomplishments. Yes, I've been thinking of seeing the gp for this, but I've never been sure whether it was just me being a bit paranoica and basically a pain in the neck. Glad you are feeling better Med, tell me, what's this counselling thing like?
Has your dh arrived Pippi?

I have a great gp, young and knowledgeable, so quite lucky.
I think depression is about an underlying problem, i think mine in a way was triggered by the miscarriage, hormones, etc, but I think the depression was there for years and years, and managed to stifle it with my routine, when I had a job, with the routine of a job, and the habits that one fills life with, friends. and then the baby came, etc. I think the miscarriage in my case has brought to the surface unpleasant childhood stuff that I need to talk through, elaborate on, etc.
I also think that having children brings a lot of childhood stuff up to the surface, and as much as one tries to lock stuff away, at the end there are leaks, and I had leaks.
Counselling is great because one tends to put things away, in a suitcase, and then unpleasant things (and it could be anything, it could be losing a job, moving away, a miscarriage, a break up, etc) acts as triggers. I suspect if one has had a very happy stable childhood then one is more likely to deal well with life's crises.

so does the gp refer you for counselling?
I'm prone to think I had a nice, normal childhood. Although I think I had a few "truamas" between 25-28 (delayed adolescence, I think)

Yes the gp refers, but you can also find your own. You like to think that it was nice, or was it. I liked to think that mine was, till I began to think about it more deeply. Do you feel happy with dh? My dh has suffered from depression in the past, he has put himself together now. He is quite a nice dh I think.
Being away from home with small children can be very hard no?

Yes the gp refers, but you can also find your own. You like to think that it was nice, or was it. I liked to think that mine was, till I began to think about it more deeply. Do you feel happy with dh? My dh has suffered from depression in the past, he has put himself together now. He is quite a nice dh I think.
Being away from home with small children can be very hard no?

Dh is a good man, and I love him. He is a man of poche parole though, and this I find hard, given that there are days when he is the only adult I see, and non mi da spago.
Gosh, yes childhood. Who knows? I really think it was nice. There were things that weren't perfect, but all in all I really think it was good.
Adesso sono piena di dubbi !!!

no franca but he is on his way. bless after all he only went to see a friend he hardly ever sees... oh well. at least I had time to reason it through and won;t be a psychopath when he walks in!

I'd go and see your GP but I think med is right it is an expression of an underlying problem or situation, be prectical or emotional, which needs to be resolved.

i think I was slightly depressed during the first year after DD was born. yes it was hormonal and I was exhausted but also I think I was not prepared and I was not accepting my new role. also, and most importantly, I felt trapped.

Mine is def lack of confidence/self worth. I think. Where the hell does it come from, I don't know!

I think my childhood was good. Really. You put some doubts but no I really believe it was. My 'traumas' came during high school really... that's why I had to forge a new life for myself away from it all. (nothing too drastic - parents divorcing, hideous classmates, unsuitable boyfriend etc)
and that's why now it is difficult for me to see myself living back home because I always associate the place with that time - it's like it is frozen in time.

re DH od poche parole, I found that when I was not working I relied on him too mich for verbal interaction, as, like you say franca, he was the only adult I would see. But if I am honest when I was working f/t I was fine if after a day at work we'd just slouch in silence.

The main problem I found is that when one work and the other stays at home you are in two completely different worlds that are not compatible: one wants to enjoy the quietness, and a weekend at home and the other wants to talk and do lots of stuff at the weekend, for example.
med you probably do not feel that because your DH is at home as well sometimes.
I found myself waiting for the time DH would come back come un aquila e se ritardava di 10 min mi saliva un nervoso da ucciderlo.

adesso che lavoro certe volte e' il contrario e allora si riequilibra.

I certainly found lots of things...

franca you don't sound to me to be someone who lack in self worth - quite the opposite TBH!

Pippi, I pretend ! Oh my God do I sound stuck up?