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Original poster

QUICK MUMNETTERS!!! Slap some sense into me!!

42 replies

tammybear · 12/06/2004 18:52

Okay heres the deal. Dp is going to a concert on 20/6, Ive got an exam 22/6. He was going to look after dd for me whilst I have my exam. However, he is spending Sunday and Monday at his friends house, so he says he cant do it now. Ive got noone else to ask. Im really pissed off, so much that I could cry!!! I know Im being really stupid, and that I shouldnt be pissed off but I am. So could you girls help me see sense that Im just being stupid!

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codswallop · 12/06/2004 18:53

I think you tell him to cancel the concert. why does he nneed to go for two days?

codswallop · 12/06/2004 18:53

concert ont he satirday?

Grommit · 12/06/2004 18:54

Tammybear - NO WAY are you being stupid - your dp sounds very selfish - unbelievable. Can you not talk some sense into him???

codswallop · 12/06/2004 18:54

what exam is it? will it bring in extra £?

cazzybabs · 12/06/2004 18:56

No - because I get equally pissed off with (d)p going out to coach rowing when I have a week to write my reports and then he wants to go out for dinner on Sun. So sorry I can't help!

Bettybloo · 12/06/2004 18:56

You're not being stupid Tammybear! Why does he have to stay two extra days if the concerts on the 20th? I'd cry and be pissed off if someone had made a committment and broken it, specially when it's something serious and important like an exam. How far away is the concert?

Clayhead · 12/06/2004 19:00

No, you're not stupid at all, you NEED him to do it and he had said he would; you were relying on him.

I speak as someone who has spent most of the last 2 years with dh doing exams (he has sat 6 in the last 2 years so has been revising almost non stop, he has two more in November and January) and so I know how it feels to be the one left holding the baby but I also know that he needs to get these exams for his career. I have spent many an hour truding round to give him the peace and quiet he needs, especially in the week before. I really don't think it's too much of you to ask and it's also really short notice of him to decide not to do it. on your behalf!

Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:07

codswallop - concert is on sunday. hes staying that night at his mates, and his dad cant get him to station to get the train on monday to come to mine til he has finished work, and he doesnt want to be running round cos he nva gets much sleep when hes round his mates, so doesnt wanna get ill. its a levels exam.

grommit - he'll think im in the wrong and think im being selfish as i got upset that he didnt ask me if i wanted to go with him

Bettybloo - he lives in kent and im in watford you see, so it takes 1 1/2 hours by train. i cant see why he cant come monday evening, but he doesnt want to get ill as everytime he rushes round he seems to.

plus i was going to ask if he can get a day off work for my birthday next month, but the way im feeling id rather he wouldnt

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Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:12

im glad you guys agree with me, now i dont feel so bad for feeling like this. and i bet you he's going to end up reading this, and i hope he bloody well does!!

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Bettybloo · 12/06/2004 19:18

If 1 1/2 hours travelling over 2 or 3 days will make him ill, he needs to party a bit less with his mates. IMHO. And grow up a bit- he's got responsibilitiies!

Bettybloo · 12/06/2004 19:19

Sorry if that sounded rude - men aren't my favourite species today.

Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:20

i know what he'll be like though, he'll say to his mum or his brother or one of his mates about it, and be told that he isn't in the wrong as dd isn't his responsibility as he's not the father, although he is the godfather.

he tends to get ill when he does too much all in one go, but its not like he's going to do much when he's here. if he wants to just rest up, i'll let him

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Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:21

its quite alright bettybloo, not mine either

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Grommit · 12/06/2004 19:22

tammybear - do you mind me asking how old he is?

Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:23

19 (we're both quite young ) and he doesnt have any proper responsibilities so i guess this wont seem like a big deal to him.

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Bettybloo · 12/06/2004 19:26

oh I see. But even so - he still aagreed to babysit over your exam and he's reneged, so he is in the wrong. And becoming the partner of someone with a child involves a certain amount of taking on a level of respnsibilty too? As in, you're a package deal, even though sh's not his.
Poor you - is there no one else who can help out?

Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:27

Well I spoke to my sister as she's currently unemployed but job hunting, so hopefully if she's still unemployed (as awful as that sounds) she could look after dd. If not, then there's my brothers, but they've only just turned 16, and not exactly responsible and mature, so i dont feel too comfortable with that.

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Grommit · 12/06/2004 19:28

Tammybear - sounds like you need to sit down and have a good talk about his position/responsibilities - you need someone you can rely upon

Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:30

I know, but I can see what his reaction will be

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hercules · 12/06/2004 19:31

He is very young - only a year older than some of the kids I teach who are still at school.
Perhaps it is time to reassess whether or not he is ready for this relationship with a child.
Yes he was wrong but I dont think you can expect much else from many blokes this age if the child isnt his.
I think most 19 year olds would choose a concert over babysitting for a child thats not theirs.

Sorry to sound harsh, you are right to be annoyed as he promised but perhaps not surprised.

Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:34

he does enjoy spending time with dd, and is growing to love her as if she was his (and he isnt going to be replacing exp), other exams Ive had he has been happy to look after her, and has enjoyed it

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hercules · 12/06/2004 19:36

I guess the real test is if he is prepared to sacrifice something he wants to do for looking after her whilst you do something important.
There's more to being a responsible parent then playing as you know.

Clayhead · 12/06/2004 19:39

tammybear, is there anyone at the school/college where you're sitting them who could help you out? Is this your last exam?

Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:40

i know but like i said he'd probably think im being selfish to ask him for him to come. they only decided this today, and i know he doesnt get to see his mate that often, but i am annoyed with the fact that he didnt even consider me and dd.

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Original poster
tammybear · 12/06/2004 19:42

clayhead - ive got an exam two days later which dp will be looking after dd. this ones in the morning and he kept saying that if it was in the afternoon it wud b ok like as if it was my fault its in the morning, and then he asked me what i expect him to do.

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