How does one convince a lady?

[user1466055892]

Yes I'm a male on Mumsnet(LOL)... So I choice this particular Forum/ site thingy due to the shear volume of female users and, I need advice.

Basically we(fiancée and me) currently live in London (Marlybone) in a 3 bedroom cramped flat with no children (yet) :P and, to be quite frank I hate it here, it's huge and small all at the same time. I feel like moving and, in particular I have my sights set on Birmingham as I recently went there to visit a friend and I felt 'at home'.
Henceforth I want a change but my fiancée doesn't.

My question is to all of you women how would you be persuaded to move to an unknown location?

Another question, What are the best areas to live in? On a side note I've read via Mummyloos' thread what places are good but I want it too be more specific and, what I mean by this is postcode specific considering the following;

1. Good community all ethnicity's are welcome.
2. Safe
3. Good facilities e.g tennis court, swimming pools and nature reserve parks(like Richmond) or any nice park for a good stroll.
4. Big garden for barbecues and parties
5. We have a budget of about 1-1.2mil I'm looking for around a 5 bed so when friends or family come they can stay for the weekend.
6. Family friendly.
7. Excellent Night life (prob one of the highest priority on the list)
8. relatively close to amenities like doctors and dentists.

Thats all I can think of right now( seems a little bit since I had a list of stuff. Weird.)

Another thing would be if I posted links if it's allowed could you guys give your opinions? Highly appreciate it.

I decided to post my own thread as I did not want to steal the other users

What about your job and your fiancee's job? Are they London based? Would her family be able to visit you?

I did move from London to the country and we now live near my partner's family. Mine are in London suburbs. We have children now and his family are no help whatsoever so I have felt isolated at times. In that respect I have sympathy for your fiancee.

If you have your heart set on moving then why not try to spend more time in Birmingham with your lady? I'm talking weekend breaks? She may get used to the idea then?

Jeez, just get on the tube, man.
I haven't been on the tube for a while simply as it's 'packed' I prefer driving.
Don't get married before you decided where you're both going to live.
Obviously, thanks for the tip! Well appreciated. We don't argue this is just a mere disagreement, granted I'll end up losing this disagreement too.
Have a look at some places in West/North London where you'll have easy access to Birmingham.
I'm not too keen on anywhere other than South west and central london.

So why not ask them where the best places to live are?

Already did, But it to be more specific and they don't wander out of their really wander out of their area not to mention more opinion the better right?

Hi OP

I moved for my DP. We emigrated.
He didn't need to convince me.
The reason behind that was he was fully supportive when I changed job.
So I felt the least I could do was pay it back when he needed support for his career, hence the move.
It was a massive mistake.
We hadn't done the proper research, benefits/long term aims did not pan out, it was the wrong decision.
I know what you mean about wanting to feel "at home" though. I am missing that and would love to be nearer family and friends. I get it.
You could express how unhappy you are to your partner.
You can find beautiful homes up North for that much money.
You can look at the telegraph's best places to live stats (although you willnonly find Stratford and Warwick from West Midlands) or Guardian's Why not move to..?
Ultimately however you should not be surprised if she wants to stay put. Being a "trailing spouse" is not much fun. Being one who never wanted to move in the first place is going to cause unbridled resentment if it goes tits up.
You need to look at a five year plan/long term shared goals/her career and pros and cons spreadsheet, plus a map where you can look at possibilities between London and B'ham.
I am not that keen on B'ham, prefer Manchester. Would never move to be closer to in-laws ;-)
You also sound concerned about the hassle of moving if not long term/geographically profitable. This causes difficulty in that you cannot put a concrete Let's give it a year get-out clause, if you cannot cope with two moves in quick
succession. Also cause for concern is that you cannot even talk about this topic. That doesn't bode well.
You could:
Give a get out time clause if you know you would stick with it.
You could offer to put her on deeds of new house if have not already.
You could agree to move to house of her choice, her furnishings.
You could agree to sell up in 2021 and move to destination of her choice for five years.
You could go and then try to maintain long distance rel.
You. ould offer to be the SAHP for when you do have kids.

What about your job and your fiancee's job? Are they London based? Would her family be able to visit you?
Well I'm a Fx Trader so my job could pretty much be done anywhere with wifi and a laptop. And she's a marketing exec. So she doesn't really need to go to the office, all she needs is a car as she is usually visiting clients. However I believe I make enough for both of us so she wouldn't need to work.

I did move from London to the country and we now live near my partner's family. Mine are in London suburbs. We have children now and his family are no help whatsoever so I have felt isolated at times. In that respect I have sympathy for your fiancee.
Well it depends what you mean when you say "they were no help at all" is that financially? or just moral support. But I mean we don't argue this is our first one and, I'll just end up giving in and accept we are never moving until she says so I guess it's life.

If you have your heart set on moving then why not try to spend more time in Birmingham with your lady? I'm talking weekend breaks? She may get used to the idea then?

I've been doing that but she just isn't set on it. She says she is to far in her job to leave and her family is here. But my family is in Birmingham and, I've lived here with her because she wanted to move to London so badly.

So how did you two meet, may I ask..and was that in B'ham?
You cannot expect her to give up a career.
You can peruse jobs and see if there are any exciting opportunities in the midlands.
How long have you been in London? Did you expect it to be short term?
Do you see her family often? how would they accept news of a move?

Hi KimmySchmidtsSmile,
Thing is she doesn't need to work I make more than enough for both of us, she just works since she has spare time and most of her friends work.(But hey I ain't complaining if she's making her own money that's more for me) For me my family would be there and I've lived there pretty much my whole life until I met her at uni...(we met in London LSE hence why we thought it'd be sort of romantic to live where we first met?) She knows I want to move back home but she just doesn't want to go there permanently. She likes it for week-end breaks but nothing more. Yes I'm all about the money as well as moving I also see it as a long term investment and Marleybone is increasing crazy(current flat value is around 2mil but if we move to say somewhere like Canary Wharf it's not worth it as the price in CW is only increasing at about 7% compared to MB 27-37%... that's 2 miles for a 20-30% yield? that's silly wouldn't you agree? Uh... her choice is if were moving we are moving to SWL or nothing... Basically closer to her family... She already knows she'll pick the furnishing and stuff... btw what do you mean by sahp?

So how did you two meet, may I ask..and was that in B'ham?
Nope it was at Uni(London School Of Economics and political sciences)
You cannot expect her to give up a career.
I understand this but still...(yeah there is no argument here..)
You can peruse jobs and see if there are any exciting opportunities in the midlands.
The salary is slightly lower but she doesn't really need to work.
How long have you been in London? Did you expect it to be short term?
Around 7 years?
Do you see her family often? how would they accept news of a move?
Yeah we are consistently with them... They would object hence not mentioning it to them.

'She doesn't need to work' and? I'm guessing if she got that far, she loves her job, and she's said she doesn't want to leave it.

SAHP means stay at home parent.

She doesn't need to work' and? I'm guessing if she got that far, she loves her job, and she's said she doesn't want to leave it.
Yeah... I understand this part, However she doesn't stay in one place it requires her to meet clients all over the place.
SAHP means stay at home parent.

Ow... ya... I think I rather stay in London than opt for that option ha! I hate diapers = worst enemy.

Honestly the more you say, the more it sounds like she'll never do it. Imagine how lonely she'd be - away from her family, she sounds like she's v close to them, away from all the amazing stuff you can do in London, her amazing career... to what, Birmingham? Not a chance. She'd be insane to do it.

Your comment about increases in value - i don't really understand your point, surely it'll be even less increase in b'ham than canary wharf?

And of course your fiancee's happiness should be more important to you than money.

Well all I can say is we were in the same position as you and your fiancee. I was a Londoner born and bred, my partner was not. It didn't take much for me to leave London but we met in our late 20s / early 30s and I was ready to leave London then. London, for me, was not somewhere to bring up children. I wanted somewhere quieter.

What I'm saying is, she may come round. Give it time. You don't need to move straight away. The other places you could look at which is supposed to be nice is Surrey? I've heard Epsom is very nice.

She may not want to give up her job just yet but once you have children she may feel differently. I'm a SAHM (stay at home mum) but would definitely work if we didn't have children.

Only thing I probs absolutely love about where I live is how close everythings is and that theres a Rolex store 5 min walk

Honestly the more you say, the more it sounds like she'll never do it. Imagine how lonely she'd be - away from her family, she sounds like she's v close to them, away from all the amazing stuff you can do in London, her amazing career... to what, Birmingham? Not a chance. She'd be insane to do it.
Yeah but what about me? unfair...

Your comment about increases in value - i don't really understand your point, surely it'll be even less increase in b'ham than canary wharf?
No, I won't care about the profit or even loss in B'ham since the value of family is infinite. But CW compared to MB isn't worth it.

And of course your fiancee's happiness should be more important to you than money

Ha her happiness is why I've stayed here for 7 years after uni I'd have left.

What I'm saying is, she may come round. Give it time. You don't need to move straight away. The other places you could look at which is supposed to be nice is Surrey? I've heard Epsom is very nice.

Yes but for me it's not simply worth moving unless it's Birmingham.

She may not want to give up her job just yet but once you have children she may feel differently. I'm a SAHM (stay at home mum) but would definitely work if we didn't have children.

Yes it's a topic we has talked about a bit. Her plan is wen we have kids we will move closer to her family in Wimbledon (SWL) so they can help with the kids I practically work from home unless I feel like going to the office.

If you want children (and I'm assuming your partner will be the stay at home parent) then she might really need to be near to her family and friends, not least for child care and support.
She will have her inlaws if she moves I suppose..

Of course, all this is hypothetical, you need to speak to her.
The only other option is bribery ..joking.

I don't really get why it has to be birmingham. I thought your family were in London, or have I got that wrong? What exactly is it? Normally people leave the bright lights of London for a rural idyll, not Brum...

And its not that unfair, you've just stayed where you met her, haven't you? You haven't moved to London to be with her, you were there when you met her, its not really the same.

If you want children (and I'm assuming your partner will be the stay at home parent) then she might really need to be near to her family and friends, not least for child care and support.
She will have her inlaws if she moves I suppose..
We will both stay at home. I want to deffo be there for my kids since day one.
Of course, all this is hypothetical, you need to speak to her.
We already spoke it's here plan to stay in London until we have kids and then move next to her parents

The only other option is bribery grin ..joking.
LOL! are you really?

I don't really get why it has to be birmingham. I thought your family were in London, or have I got that wrong? What exactly is it? Normally people leave the bright lights of London for a rural idyll, not Brum...
Nope, that's hers' in London, mines are in Birmingham hence the move there. I basically feel like going back home after recently visiting it I felt so nostalgic and idk it felt good and it's weird to explan.
And its not that unfair, you've just stayed where you met her, haven't you? You haven't moved to London to be with her, you were there when you met her, its not really the same.

Hmm debatable...

User if you have your sights on being a dad get used to the idea that you WILL be changing nappies at some point of your life whether you are the one who becomes a SAHP or not.

I was never career driven but Ive always had a job. My OH like you he earns enough for the both of us and while he pays for everything and I love our kids I fooking hate the fact that I'm dependant on him. I also hate the fact that when I buy something for my kids I have not gone out and slogged for that money. When I was working I would go shopping on pay day or shortly after and I loved knowing that I worked for and paid for my things. Being a stay at home parent takes over your whole life and it's great doing it it really is but it's a huge change in life and you can't say whether she will find giving up her job to raise kids that easy. It's bloody hard at times.

If you agreed to move to London that's not her fault, she doesn't owe you any move, ever and to be honest I don't get what your problem is because if you have enough disposable income as you say you do then surely you could just go up on the train whenever you want?

I have a plan sort of a bribe... I'm going to give my card for her to go on a shopping spree and then BOOM! drop the topic hotter than the latest handbag? idk...

Please don't do that.

Are you her fella or her sugar daddy fs!

User if you have your sights on being a dad get used to the idea that you WILL be changing nappies at some point of your life whether you are the one who becomes a SAHP or not.
I can't I've tried changing a nappy and, I was vomiting; it's my worse enemy I rather the kid poops and vomits on me simultaneously

I was never career driven but Ive always had a job. My OH like you he earns enough for the both of us and while he pays for everything and I love our kids I fooking hate the fact that I'm dependant on him. I also hate the fact that when I buy something for my kids I have not gone out and slogged for that money. When I was working I would go shopping on pay day or shortly after and I loved knowing that I worked for and paid for my things. Being a stay at home parent takes over your whole life and it's great doing it it really is but it's a huge change in life and you can't say whether she will find giving up her job to raise kids that easy. It's bloody hard at times.
I'll be there, I'm not going anywhere just not nappies... I can work from anywhere... I'm in fact working right now at the same time.

If you agreed to move to London that's not her fault, she doesn't owe you any move, ever and to be honest I don't get what your problem is because if you have enough disposable income as you say you do then surely you could just go up on the train whenever you want?
I do visit my parents but it's just I want to live next to them and be there it's the little things plus going back and forth again and again 2-3 hour drive is rather boring when I go myself.

Just from the tone of his posts..if I was OP's partner I would never, ever give up my financial independence. Futureproofing....