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Quootie's friends here please - new support thread

419 replies

beegeeWithBellsOn · 22/12/2006 22:27

Hello Quootie - thought we should start a new thread.

Will be thinking about you tonight. Hope you can get some rest. Could you try having a bath or something? Can really help me to un-wind.

OP posts:
Quootiepie · 23/12/2006 18:37

I guess... I guess ill have to get a job, or 2... and put DS into a nursery. At least ill get to keep the house.... Id love a nice man. I really would I never used to think about other men, at all, but I find myself dreaming now... of a really nice, loving, caring man...

Emskilou · 23/12/2006 18:58

Hello quootie, I have just read your thread and I have read a few others recently. I am so sorry you are haivng such a hard time, and it is quite clear that your H is not helping in any way shape or form (tell me to f orf if I am being horrible btw). I have, of sorts, been where you are now (just over a year ago actually) and believe me you can get through this on your own. If that is the choice you make then you may find that you will get some strength because you are no longer relying on your H or anyone else, that is what I hav found.

In a nut shell my husband left me when our dd was 8 months old and I was 3 months pg with ds, well actually he dropped me and dd off at my grandmothers and didnt come to pick us up.

My life was horrific, I wanted to die, I even planned it to the very last detail, one plan was to get dd up give her breakfast a bath then she would have a nap then I would go to the bathroom and end my life (when I was younger I took an overdose so I knew what I was doing and I was scarily very matter of fact about it) but things wou;ldl happen that meant I couldnt go ahead with my plan. I honestly thought my dd would be better off without me and unborn child would be happier not to enter this world. Horrendous I know but that was my reality and thinking about it still scares me especially when I look at their beautiful chuby little faces.

It all came to a head when I had a routine hv appointment for dd, I broke down and went a bit nuts in front of the hv, within an hour I was with a gp then within 2 days I was getting cbt, at first I felt the therapist was clock watching and generally just being fucking horrible but as the sessions went on I started to notice a difference, I was being taught how to think dfferently and it has changed my life. I still get periods where I am in a black hole with all those nasty thoughts again but I can get myself out of them now and each time I do I get that little bit stronger and I can start to enjoy being me again.

So (I am so sorry for going on and on and on) I guess what I am trying to say is you can get there I was left with nothing just the clothes on my back and a few bits for dd, but I got there and we are doing fine now and you honestly can too, it is hard work, but the end result will be a stronger, happier and even more fabulous you (and you are faulous by the way ) If I can be of any help to you please let me know

Em xx

DimpledThighs · 23/12/2006 19:21

best wishes!

whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney · 23/12/2006 20:13

hey quootie... haven't been around much but i have been keeping an eye on you. I'm gutted that your DH is behaving this way, but i'm not surprised. he can't handle being a grown-up and dealing with grown-up things. his recent behaviour fits with everything you've said before...

however, these are things to talk about after the 27th. and we will, my dear girl.

i have some thoughts, though, about your mum. if she is high up in the NHS then she will be able to get friends and family to the front of any list going. i know that because my mum is high up in the NHS as well. although my sis once worked as a temp in a hospital payroll office and also got physio immediately because she was working there. it's one of the few perks of working in the NHS, and you should get her to take it up. (i should add that my mum has only ever pulled in that particular perk once, for herself, and it's as well she did because the hospital had lost her notes and it turned out she had cancer so there you go...)
so i'd give some consideration to confiding in her that things have gone terribly wrong for you (because they have, the wrongest of the wrong if you have tried to end your life). perhaps the thought that you might have died a fortnight ago will kick her out of her complacency towards your recovery?

fuck it, quootie, just ask her to read the threads... it sounds extreme but you've poured out your heart on here and you've not said anything bad about your mum, other than she's rather got the wrong end of the stick vis a vis your recovery. she can take it, she's a big brainy woman i'm sure. and however much it might hurt her to think that she's given you the impression that she's ashamed of your mental health issues (which i kinda find hard to believe, tbh) it won't hurt her a zillionth as much as it would if you had succeeded in killing yourself.

show her the thread.

idontlikecrusts · 23/12/2006 20:16

Quootie I know it is hard getting out of a miserable relationship. I've had to go through this before when my husband left me several years ago. He did what I wasn't brave enough to do at the time although he went about it pretty shoddily. Now I am there again but this time trying to do something about it.

I am worried about bills, and childcare and what happens if the boiler packs up or my car breaks down, etc. However, I also know that I actually cope with most of this on my own anyway - I don't get much practical support and absolutely no moral support from my OH.

You are welcome to join the 'leaving your relationship support group' with me any time! I know I'm going to need help but I also know the misery free time I dream of is now in sight.

I also realised I couldn't make it work when I started imagining a life with a different man.

lulumama · 23/12/2006 20:48

agree with everything aitch has said

especially

"hurt her a zillionth as much as it would if you had succeeded in killing yourself. "

hope you are having a good rest...x

whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney · 23/12/2006 21:15

funnily enough lulu, the only thing i forgot to put into my previous post was the phrase 'and by the way, i agree with absolutely everything lulumama says'. i honestly did intend to.

lulumama · 23/12/2006 21:17

thanks aitch

TBH aitch, i have been there, and sometimes a bit of tough and honets talk is good.. if DH hadn;t done a bit of that, i would not have agreed to see the psych etc......

anyhoo......hugs are all well and good...but sometimes the strak reality forces a decision......

if quootie is upset with me, but it helps her to make a choice, then i can live with that..

whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney · 23/12/2006 21:21

quootie's in a bad way right now but she's a big girl and shitloads stronger than she knows. i'm sure that she'll take on board everything that you've said and then decide what, if anything, she's going to do about it. she is, as i may have mentioned before, annoyingly stubborn in that regard...

hope you're sleeping, miss quootiemule...

lulumama · 23/12/2006 21:22

me to aitch...sleep well x

shazredredrobinbobbobbobbing · 23/12/2006 21:29

sending you a hug Quootie xx

Astrophe · 23/12/2006 21:50

Hi Quootie - I sort of met you on a post natal thread - my DS is 9 months too. I have skim read your thread but don't really understand your situation (which is fine - no need to go over it again). Not sure if I remember correctly, but I thought maybe you live in the Midlands, and if so, just wanted to say please CAT me if there is anything I can do for you, especially over Christmas. I am in Derby. Merry Christmas.

beegeeWithBellsOn · 23/12/2006 21:58

Quootie - you ok? Hope you're resting.

Just caught up with thread - sorry dh is being an arse again...as I've said before - you deserve better and I KNOW YOU'LL GET IT ONE DAY. Someone to cherish you because they want to be there. Someone to hold you physically close and say 'what do YOU need...I'm here for you'.

If it's ever a battle to get dh or any partner/lover/husband to be at home with you then they're not right for you. A dh should choose to be with you because he loves you and you're a priority - esp right now ffs. The pub? Grrrr...how can he have a drink knowing how you are? And be at his mums earlier...GRRRRR

Sorry - makes me mad. I used to be in fucked up relationship - I'm so in love now...life does get better and you'll get there, matey.

(bubblebath image LOL)

OP posts:
beegeeWithBellsOn · 23/12/2006 21:59

Astrophe - Quootie's in Berkshire (Bracknell)

OP posts:
MerrilyTooBuzzi · 23/12/2006 22:04

Q just popped in to say goodnight. I have skimmed the threads from the last few hours and i cant beleive that you are so young - with all this on your young shoulders...i want to give you a mothery hug {{{{{{hug}}}}}}}} please think of what all the positve things others have said here tonight. It is YOUR life and everyone has a chance of happiness...dont let those around you stop you from making your life what it should be and what you deserve it to be. Please think of your children and give them the best too.
Try to be as strong as you can..sending u some positive vibes tonight. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

Astrophe · 23/12/2006 22:17

Hmm, don't know where Berkshire is as I'm an expat, but don't think it is near me is it!

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 23/12/2006 23:06

Q sleep well, catch up with you tomorrow xxx

Quootiepie · 24/12/2006 07:20

Morning everyone - saw one or two posts last night but was in no state to answer them DH kept arsing about, then started saying he wasn't sure he was coming home at all etc. etc. he turned up at 10ish, but I was in bed (all cried out) and stroked my head. We are both up nnow, and he hasn't said a word.

Anyway, I have no idea why you think I might be annoyed or anything at you lulu! Silly billy. I don't get annoyed at peoples honest opinions I know I need a kick up the arse, and not all fluffy love, but lordy Ive tried begging for professional help. Now DH is back {fhmm] ill get hom to go bully to GP. I told him last night to, and he said he has a few diazepam hidden away from me so I have them when im really bad until 27th. And before I go for any help, im gonna come on here and get myself all worked up so I give them a peice of my mind! And not just say "oh, it's ok, I understand you're busy over Christmas" etc. etc.

Em - thanks for sharing your experience... Ive been where you were (sort of) 2 years ago, when DH suddenly left me the day after the abortion. I had to build my life up, from scratch. But its coming crashing back down again by the looks of it! I thought id die then too... thats when I couldnt function, couldnt get out of bed... just... was so broken. Obviously this time, ill either find the strength and get on with it, or ill crumble again. Thing is, ive worked out, no matter how hard you cry, no ones going to come and save you That was hard to learn.

Aitch ~ as for my mum.... again, I hate speaking bad of people, but... shes just not a sympathetic person. After an OD once, and I tried cutting my wrists she just got angry at me, slung me into the car to take me to A & E. She does try sometimes, but, shes just not that natured. She gave me two days off my studies, then back to it, full on. This was January, and A -levels were in June, and I was trying to cram 5 in - home study because id missed the start of school year. I was doing 4 hours of intense maths a day, then no break and the biology tutor would roll up... then another day, it would be maths and philosophy... Some mornings the maths tutor would have to come at 7am. Thats all she was worried about. After the abortion, and I was abit "ill" again, she said "good job you didnt have it, social services would take it off a young mother with mental health problems". She has harsh reverse psychology aswell... telling me when I had my first boyfriend, well, ringing his house one time to scream at me, I had better not get pregnant otherwise she would make sure I was sterilised. She can be a nice person, but... shes just not caring. Ive tried thinking "ok, well, she doesnt know what im going through, so how can she be?" and let some slip, and she proves me right.

earlgrey · 24/12/2006 07:25

QP, I'm rank at offering advice.

Just wanted to say that you're very much appreciated in this household for all the advice you give, when you're obviously going through something much bigger yourself.

Hope you know what you mean to all of us. XXXX

Quootiepie · 24/12/2006 07:29

Thankyou so much xXx

my festive got abit mucked up

Quootiepie · 24/12/2006 07:33

that wasn't at you earlgrey! was correcting my post xXx

Quootiepie · 24/12/2006 07:35

that wasn't at you earlgrey! was correcting my post xXx

Quootiepie · 24/12/2006 07:35

that wasn't at you earlgrey! was correcting my post xXx

Quootiepie · 24/12/2006 07:35

that wasn't at you earlgrey! was correcting my post xXx

Quootiepie · 24/12/2006 07:35

that wasn't at you earlgrey! was correcting my post xXx

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