Quootie's friends here please - new support thread

[beegeeWithBellsOn]

Hello Quootie - thought we should start a new thread.

Will be thinking about you tonight. Hope you can get some rest. Could you try having a bath or something? Can really help me to un-wind.

all good in theory lulu... but who'll pay the mortgage? the bills? I can't afford childcare & keep the house going. Besides, when he is loving and supportive, he really is...

Q i have got to go now...but i will be back later...take care

Thankyou xXx

DHs phone off now

Hi Quootie, had to go out with lo's as they were bouncing off the walls, tried a new softplay that smelt of chip fat - yuk.

Just wanted to play devils advocate on the side of your dh, if he's been very supportive, maybe he needs a bit of time to let of steam. I know you'd feel a lot better with him there, but perhaps you od-ing etc has taken it's toll on him too and he may need a night of drinking. Try not to get too upset by it.

I hate bad mouthing him, but, he's been no support. At all. He's always doing as he pleases, and when it "gets too much" he's off to his mums, leaving me holding the baby, literally. He went off to work fine, then obviously saw how much fun his unemployed half bother and his wife and kids and mum were having , and decided to stay there. Text me saying sorry, he didnt go to work... Said he was having fun there. Said he was going to the pub, then he said "no, im coming hom, your my wife..." then changed his mind again just saying "im off". I thought that meant he was leaving for home. He rung and I asked where he was. He said the pub. Time out my arse

and he's still there, he just text "i love you", just rung, asked where he was -stupidly thinking he was on his way home when I hung up, and he said "the pub". He was in the pub when he was making me have an abortion, and hes there now. BASTARD. LIterally actually.

I hate him

quootie...you started a thread recenlty which let me to believe that you would consider a fresh start without him.....i know it is all good in theory...but if he can;tbe here for you now, he is never going to be .

you are 20

you could be living like this for another 50 years

you deserve better, your DS and any future childrenc deserve better.

i don;t know anything about council houses, benefits etc..but you can make it without him....without a doubt. and if you have to live in a one bed room flat while you start again, so be it....

you have the strength to get through this....and once your head is sorted.you can make it.

if you hate me for being so blunt, then so be it........i can take it ! but i cannot bear to think of you living like this for evermore...he is a weak man, shirking his responsibilities and you can do better..

what will it take for him to step up to the plate and be a man, be a husband and a father..more to it than paying the bills......

you cannot rely on him..you are here.waiting, alone, ill and frigtenend..he is in the pub.

end of

I really want to leave I cant beleive hes actually doing this right now. He has been far from a rock, and hardly bent over backwards to help me that he needs time out. Everytime I think he's not what he is, he proves me wrong... hes horrible. Hes just rung me and had a go at me for asking why he is still there. He sees his brother going to the pub, and leaving his wife behind and doing what he wants, and copies it. I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's like "well, X lets Y do it...."

My goodness Quootie - I take it all back, had no idea he was so bloody unsuportive.

You are right to be very cross, but try not to wind yourself up tonight, while you there without him, you'll just spiral.

If I were you, I'd eat chocolate and drink wine.

this really is the type of thing that gets me all upset again...

& I bet he doesnt even come home tonight, to rebel or whatever.

so, his behaviour makes you feel worse......

well, i;m sorry if being so blunt has made you feel bad quootie..but this is just intolerable..how old is he?

I thought it might, that's why I was saying try not to let it get to you. Distraction usually helps me, phone a friend, read a book, watch some crap tv and of course MN.

I'm got to go off soon as we are all about to watch a movie (kids Sat night treat).

will be back on later though.

24, and very much acts it.

ok, thankyou Glass xXx

its already got to me though

read a book, watch the TV...eat somehting yummy...don;t sit and clockwatch

You know that you can let it go though.

If you don't you're going to have a crap night and it won't punish him, just you. So look out for yourself and talk yourself out of it. You can deal with him when he gets home, but don't let it ruin your evening.

Why don't you have a look at the online CBT thing - the one I tried was called MOODGYM - it'll give you something else to focus on, rather than him. Invest some time in yourself.

if he gets home. He'll probably decide again he can't be bothered with the relationship again. He sounded very "I can't be bothered" on the phone.

so, call his bluff and remember there's a whole world of lovely men out there that you haven't yet met. When my first husband left me I was a lot older then you - 29 and thought that I'd never have another serious relationship, never have children etc. Exactly a year to the day that he left I found out I was pg with dd1, my then dp, now h absolutely adores me. Its a great feeling to know that and if I can find happiness in love you can too.

well said glassofwine....

quootie..take back some power, make a decision, about what is best for you and DS

and also, you can be more selfish, like i said yesterday, think of yourself, and what is best for you ..and he isn;t best for you

this is not just a relationship, this is a marriage and you have a child.

do something for yourself

Right, off to watch The Corpse Bride - doesn't sound much like a kids movie.