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Original poster

Jokes - Child Friendly Ones!!

36 replies

Twinkie · 19/04/2004 14:02

DD has decided that she is going to start telling us jokes - thing is only one she knows is wearing a bit thin (Doctor Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!!!) does anyone know any jokes that I can tell her to expand her repetoire?? (DP and I are doing a great job of belly laughing but inside we have had enough!!)

OP posts:
Codswallop · 19/04/2004 14:04

Knock knock etc

Interrrupting dog

as they ask interrupting dog who? you interrupt and bark!

can work for a variety of farmyard animals

binkie · 19/04/2004 14:06

What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
Time to get a new one!

What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?
Two-thirty [tooth-hurtee]

What time is it when a crocodile sees a pirate?
LUNCHTIME

(We need new ones too please)

roisin · 19/04/2004 14:10

DS1 has apparently memorised an entire joke book this holidays ... Unfortunately it's not genetic, and I can't remember a single one!

Marina · 19/04/2004 14:11

What's yellow and very dangerous?
Shark infested custard

What's green and goes up and down?
A gooseberry in a lift

I think we could do with some new ones too...

CountessDracula · 19/04/2004 14:12

what goes in and out and smells of wee

The queen mum doing the hokey cokey

Original poster
Twinkie · 19/04/2004 14:14

Just see her trying that one out on our super duper royalist middle class in laws CD!!!!

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 19/04/2004 14:16

go on twinkie it would be great

You could amend it to Grandpa/ma doing the hokey cokey

Original poster
Twinkie · 19/04/2004 14:19

You are joking - I have to so try hard not to swear in their company and I once took the piss out of DPs lisp (I have a slight one so not being serious) and got the worst withering look from his mother!!

They even say things like they cannot believe how well adjusted, happy and what a good eater DD is - what compared to her slut of a mother - god I am just tectchy about them at the mo - gonna have to tell them I am 'up the duff' soon and I canjsut se them being extremely dissappointed with DP - oh well back to the jokes!! - Oh hokey kokey kokey

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 19/04/2004 14:43

what's brown and sticky?

a stick

babster · 19/04/2004 15:03

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

littlemissbossy · 19/04/2004 15:08

David Beckham goes into a library
walks up to the desk and says to the librarian "fish and chips twice please"
Librarian looks confused and says "I'm sorry David, this is a library"
David whispers "oh sorry, fish and chips twice please"

v. appropriate considering we now realise how thick he really is!!

Janh · 19/04/2004 15:11

I heard this one the other day - not sure how old you have to be to get it though:

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a moth.

You want a psychiatrist, not a doctor.

Yes, but your light was on!

Original poster
Twinkie · 19/04/2004 15:11

DOn't think DD will get that one littlemissbossy - she is 3.5 years!!

OP posts:
littlemissbossy · 19/04/2004 15:12

meant to add on that neighbour's 7 year old told me this yesterday!!

SenoraPostrophe · 19/04/2004 15:17

how do you get 4 elephants in a Mini?

2 in the front 2 in the back.

How do you get 2 whales in a Mini?

Up the M4 (should be "to Wales" obviously. Not 100% sure on the geography! )

Lisa78 · 19/04/2004 15:25

Whats pink and square?
An orange in disguise

Why does Tigger keep looking in the toilet?
He's looking for Pooh

Frenchgirl · 19/04/2004 15:28

how do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?
there are foot prints in the butter.

Pretty appalling one now (but i love it, how sad...):
Little girl says to mummy: 'mummy can I lick the bowl?'
mummy replies: 'no darling, you'll have to flush like everyone else'

SenoraPostrophe · 19/04/2004 15:32

you've reminded me:

why does Mr Spock keep looking in the toilet?
he's trying to find the Captain's log

(OK, not child friendly really, sorry)

How do you know if there's an elephant in your frisge right now?

You can't get your bike in.

SoupDragon · 19/04/2004 15:48

DSs current favourite: Knock knock, who's there, Boo, boo who, Don't cry it's only a joke

and one I don't understand but if anyone can work it out, please put me out of my misery:
Knock knock, who's there, fox, fox who, fox is in your closet ?!?

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wonkey

Frenchgirl · 19/04/2004 16:08

what goes '99 bonk, 99 bonk, 99 bonk'?
A centipede with a wooden leg....

(but you don't say centipede, do you, I can't think of the other name....the curse of being foreign is that you forget words in your mother tongue and you can't always remember words in your second language GRRRRRRR)

OldieMum · 19/04/2004 16:19

Q: Why do little ducks walk softly?
A: They can't walk, hardly.

Call me anything you like, but don't call me late for breakfast.

GeorginaA · 19/04/2004 16:24

How can you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
Your nose is touching the ceiling!

(boom boom tish)

Pancake · 19/04/2004 16:41

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9 (gettit?)!!!

Ho ho ho!

Lisa78 · 19/04/2004 16:48

what goes ha ha bonk?
a man laughing his head off

Blu · 19/04/2004 17:11

Knock Knock...

Toodle
Toodle who
But I only just got here!

Joe
Joe who
Joking!