We have been let down by the justice system. [**Edited by MNHQ, thread may be triggering**]

[OpiesOldLady]

I need to get this out. Some of you will recognise the details, I posted previously under a different name, but tbh I'm sick of hiding now, and being ashamed.

My son was raped and sexually abused by my step son. He also abused my daughter. He was found guilty of two counts of rape and four counts of sexual abuse. We were led to believe that the judge would send him to crown court for sentencing and a custodial sentence would be imposed.

Today he was give a two year rehabilitation order and has been placed on the sex offenders register for five years. He has basically gotten away with a slap on the wrists.

I feel so incredibly let down. My babies had to give evidence against him, he put them through that... and yet he gets to go home tonight, free.

He will get counselling and all manner of professional help, whilst I am having to fight tooth and nail to access some proper support for my children. They are on a waiting list for intensive therapy, but that could take months. In the meantime, I have to watch as my son fades away before my eyes, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And this is justice?

I want to appeal his sentence as I think it's far too lenient, but I don't know if i'll be allowed to, I'm waiting to hear back from the Attourney Generals office.

I am swinging between being so furious, devastated and wanting to kill him with my bare hands. How could he do this and just get away with it?

I've just read through the whole thread and can't even begin to imagine the Hell that you and your DC are going through.

My 9 year old dd has said your son can have her spare xbox360, it's just the unit but the wires you have for the existing one will work with this one. It's been in the cupboard for months so won't be missed, I'll erase all her data from it am more than happy to get it to you if it will be of any use to your ds.

Do you think its possible he almost needs permission from someone he sees as an authority figure to talk? If the police as big authority figures have told him not to talk and with all thats gone on he understandably has significant trust issues, it must be hard to feel its okay to now talk.

Regarding the moaning, moan away. Its very cathartic and absolutely necessary. You really don't need to be a superwomen all the time.

INickedAName - totally reduced to tears here. Thank you so much. You've raised a wonderful little girl there, you should be proud. As it happens my friends husband is collecting our xbox on Monday and will sort it all out at his house then hopefully bring it back to us by the end of the week. I haven't told DS yet, and won't until it's all set up again. Thank you ever so much though, for the offer, it's so appreciated, it really is

I really don't know M. it is possible I guess.

Hopefully once the therapist is back from her holiday he can have some 'make up' sessions and hopefully he will feel he can trust her before too long and off load some of this onto her?!

Poor little mite :(

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist.

Don't encourage him to talk about it.
Don't prevent him from talking about it.
Be led by him - always.

You are his mother, his safe haven and the Centre of his Universe.
Just be there for him.
He'll talk when he's ready. Which might take a while or could be tomorrow.

What do I know

I've never said to him that he has to tell me what's happened, but I have said that he can tell me what he wants to when he's ready to do so and i'll always listen. I wouldn't ever force him to talk if he didn't want to. He's leading this completely and I'm bumbling along behind him following his lead.

I know you are

I am trying to imagine how hard that must be, to so desperately want to fix something that is beyond your power.
It is plain for all of us on this thread to see how wonderfully well you are doing. Truly.

I hope you did not feel I was offering some kind of critique on how/what you are doing.

Oh gosh no, not at all, honestly.

TBH it's really helpful to have outsiders perspectives on all this. I feel sometimes I'm too close and can't see things clearly. Really, it all helps

Have you thought about the kick boxing, martial arts that I mentioned before? Or a punch bag at home? Brilliant for boys who are angry and their mum's

Have you got much planned for the weekend, or just a quiet one at home?!

To be honest - and this is my wimpy head on - I struggle to get the kids to things like that, especially now I'm on my own. They are usually in the evenings, and dragging the other three along, and keeping them occupied whilst waiting for DS is really difficult. From 6.30pm I usually start our bedtime routine of shower/bath, then pile on the sofa for cuddles and a story, DS3 has his sleeping meds and then he's usually asleep by 7.15, and I am really loathe to interrupt that. He struggles with change immensely, going into epic meltdowns that can last for hours, and frankly, I just want a quiet life.

But, on the flip side to that, I know DS would really benefit from something like that. I think it would give him confidence and something to focus on. And I feel very guilty that because I struggle with the above, he can't do that. Gah.

As for the weekend, today is my dads birthday, so we're going up to his house to spoil him lots. I'll poop something in the slow cooker before we go so I don't have to do much when we get home. Tomorrow we don't really do much, just prepare for the school week ahead etc. Think we might write letters to Santa!

I can totally understand your first paragraph and it's not wimpy at all!!

However, have a little think about all the people who have said 'Let me know if there's anything I can do to help'...if I lived near you, I'd happily take him every week. Happily.

Could your Dad take him?

Any of his class mates go? Their parents might be able to take him?

Or is there anywhere you could take him at the weekend where it wouldn't be too hard to amuse the others? (DD might even enjoy it?)

I hope you have a nice day at your Dad's :)

I hope you haven't pooped in the slow cooker
Xx

I've just read this whole thread. You really are a fabulous mum

Many happy returns to your dad

And yes, pooping in the slow cooker amused me too - imagine the aroma on your return [childish]

Wrt activities: I have the same problem as you do and am very lucky that some of my older boys' activities are v close by and they now go on their own. But in the past this is what I found helpful: find out whether any of your DS's friends or classmates go to whatever class you might be interested in. See if another mother might be able to take him and bring him back - you could 'pay' in cake or something, or offer to take them out at a weekend in return.
Do you think your DS would go with somebody else's parent?

You'll be relieved to know that I did not poop in the slow cooker

We had a nice day with my dad yesterday. Can't believe he's seventy eight now. He is in the early stages of vascular dementia and I feel it's important to make as many memories with him now, while we can. He's pretty well at the moment, though Feb/March were really tough as he had a bad fall and then I had to get the police out to break into his house as I couldn't rouse him. So yep, making memories for us all.

We then spent the afternoon at the seaside. It was bitter cold, but the kids loved running around and making sandcastles. We collected shells and looked in rock pools and just had fun. I saw DS laugh for the first time in a while. It was good. When we couldn't stand the cold anymore we went and got chips and ate them in the car. They were yummy. We had a good day.

WRT DS going to clubs etc, I wouldn't feel comfortable with dad taking him because of his dementia, plus he no longer drives. And tbh I don't really know any of the school mums. They all seem to know one another but I've never been part of that popular crowd. I'll see if I can sort something out though.

Hi, you changed your mind about pooping in the slow cooker? Great!

I'm glad you had a good day with your Dad yesterday :). Dementia is very difficult for everyone, so all of these good days really, really count x

Ooh the seaside! Lucky you! I really miss living near the beach. I used to spend as much time, if not more, there in the winter as the summer, great for blowing the cobwebs off! I do my best thinking at the beach, even now. I'm so glad that DS was able to laugh and enjoy it. Chips in the car...perfect! Did you take any photos?

Good days really will start to fill the memory bank and make the bad days smaller xxx

You are lovely. I am sure, if you thought about it, there must be people who have said to you 'If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know!?' Ask. It doesn't matter if they have kids going or not. I'd take DS for you, even if I wasn't already going. I assume a taxi would be too expensive or too scary? Anyway, I'll stop banging on about it because it was just a suggestion and I don't want you to feel pressured. It's just frustrating me that I can't do anything practical to help and I'm sure others must be feeling the same who live close enough to you to do this xxx

I hope you have a nice day at home today :)

Glad you had a nice day and that DS could relax for a bit. We live by the sea too and will brave the cold later!

Yes, I took loads of photos!! Here's one

Bracing day by the seaside sounds like Just The Ticket!

Lovely photo too - they all look like they are having such fun.

Great photo :). It looks like a lovely, sandy, beach!

If you have a nice one at Grandad's and a nice one at the beach you should get them printed out and put them in frames or on the fridge where you can all see them :). Maximise the Good Day Vibe ! Xx

That's a great idea - I will

:)

Op I haven't got much to add but you sound lovely.
I like your user name are you watching the seventh series?
Best wishes for you and your dc.

I haven't watched the sixth series yet - I have it here to watch, but haven't been able to find the time just yet. Not entirely child appropriate watching And love your NN too!

Lovely looking beach, whereabouts are you, if that's not too nosey. We are NI, and the water here is FREEZING!