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Original poster

fallen out with friend, pls tell me what you think of this.

47 replies

Thomcat · 16/03/2004 14:54

I have fallen out with a friend and we have decided just to put some space between the 2 of us and see what happens. She's really upset me and been bang out of order. I've seen a different side of her and feel let down and quite angry about a few things.

Anyway we have mutual friends and tonight we are both supposed to be going to our book club meeting. I was going to leave it and not go, but another mutual friend told me that I should go and basically persuaded me. I rang the girl whose house it is at tonight, who happens to be the oldest and closest friend of girl I've fallen out with. I checked with her it would be okay ans she was fine and said yes of course.

I then thought, that as friend I've fallen out with happened to include me in a group email this morning that I should just drop her a line to say that I wanted to let her know I would be there tonight so it wasn't akward.

She came back and said 'Does L know?' (L is girl whose house it is.

I thought that was odd becasaue why should she ask that, unless the 2 of them had been discussing me and L had been siding with her or something, I don't know.

So I thought oh , and rang L and said 'Look hon' I think I should leave it tonight' and when she asked why I told her what M had said. She said 'oh look, this is silly and I insist you come tonight'. I was pleased that that was resolved and thought okay I'll go.

I then emailed M to say that the problem was with me and her and to please not involve L and that I would be there tonight and that we should try and be polite for sake of mutual friends but not have any more one on one contact. That was it, no more no less really.

She then emailed me back and saud. 'Yeah, well stop pestering me, Grow up, chill out. Get over yourself. Leave me alone'.!!!!!!!

I couldn't belive it. I emailed back that she seemed she needed to do some chilling out and that I was just tying to make tonight less akward and that she shouldn't flatter herself so much and I didn't want to be in her life or have her in mine, I just don't want our friends to feel awkward.

Do you think she was out of order there with her email, or should I never have bothered warning her that I was going to be there tonight, am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:
Tinker · 16/03/2004 15:03

No, you're not in the wrong and yes, she was out of order with the email. Have been in a very similar situation (except friend wouldn't send an email like that). I think contacting her before you meet again is the grown-up thing to do and I'm sorry your ex-friend is too immature to see that this is what you were doing.

Beetybeetybangbang · 16/03/2004 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Thomcat · 16/03/2004 15:09

oh, god, thanks, so nice to have you say that. I was so shocked ny her email that it made me doubt myself and I just feel crap about it all. So nice to hear you say that you think she was being immature. Feel i can breathe easier now, thank you.

Can't believe I thought I knew this person and am shocked at the other side of her personality.

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 16/03/2004 15:13

She over-reacted - probably out of anger that L hadn't taken her side. Or possibly out of annoyance that you're being so reasonable (other people being reasonable wind me up if I'm in a really bad mood. luckily I don't gt those very often.)

I really feel for you though - I hate this kind of situation. It's one plus point about living so far away from my friends I suppose. Hope the evening goes OK for you.

lazyeye · 16/03/2004 15:16

Think you were right pet - sounds like she is bothered about something else - probably your bust up. You were right to warn her

Funny, a very similar thing happened to me about 5 yrs ago & I recently contacted one of the girls I fell out with (bouyed by new sense of at oneness with the world...)to get a very snotty e-mail back. Ho hum. Life eh?

Hurts when friends fall out though.

Sonnet · 16/03/2004 15:18

No you weren't in the wrong - you were being grown-up and mature and thinking about others feelings...
Sounds like you are better off without her .
I too have been hurt by people I thought I knew so so well. When the hurt has died down I have asked myself "how come i got them so wrong..." don't suppose we will ever know the answer to that ...

Twinkie · 16/03/2004 15:22

She sounds as though she is jealous of you - thats the main reason adults tend to be nasty I think!! - she has every right to be envious of you - you are lovely though and she hasn't even got a lottie to brighten her life - you should just feel sorry for her - go the the meet and be nice - polite and friendly - if she isn;t to you she will show her true colours to everyone and they will realise just how ugly she is inside!!

I fell out with one of my friends when she lodged with me and x2b years ago she really took advantage and stole from us - then she attacked me - silly woman I was so cross I knocked out her front tooth and split her lip!! Never knew I had it in me - she then started laughing and tried to be all friendly - she had super blown it though - turns out she was jealous of my life - complete saddo!!!

Original poster
Thomcat · 16/03/2004 15:23

I want to cry, you're all making me feel so much better and relieved that you think I did the right thing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

OP posts:
fio2 · 16/03/2004 15:23

TC you werent in thw rong she was. You are better off without her by the sounds of things. Is she jealous of you by any chance?

udar · 16/03/2004 15:24

She was definately in the wrong there, you both should be worried about making friends feel uncomfortable not just you. Shows a selfishness on her part.
I've been on both sides of the falling out process, having had friends seriously let me down and I hate to admit it but have been the one to let 2 friends down (seperate issues) and was lucky enough for them to slowly become fantastic friends again. It took quite a lot of effort and understanding that trust takes time to build back up on my part but a lot of forgiveness on their part and I consider myself so lucky.

lou33 · 16/03/2004 15:30

Definitely her problem TC. You sound like you behaved impeccably, and her reaction to a grown up solution, shows she isn't ready to be an adult yet. Leave her to it, and don't get drawn in. If even her bf thinks it's silly, it says more about her than you.

I've been in a similar situation btw, and feel nothing but relief that we are no longer in touch.

Twinkie · 16/03/2004 15:31

Tell me where she lives and if she is mean to you tongiht I will pop round in the morning and give her a good shoeing!! That'll teach her - am feeling particularly nasty today with all these hormones whizzing around!!

Oooohhh you can really make her feel inferior too with talk of your appearances in national papers and mags and your upcoming interview on primetime TV - you are a star after all - tell her you know Lorraine and will mentiont hat your friends have found it hard to deal with your new found fame and are being yucky to you - ha ha - show her up on national TV!! God I am a bitch!!

aloha · 16/03/2004 15:36

She sounds like a loon!

lou33 · 16/03/2004 15:40

Aloha, are you talking about Twinkie or TC's ex friend ?

Original poster
Thomcat · 16/03/2004 15:41

Oi cheeky! :0

OP posts:
Twinkie · 16/03/2004 15:42

Not me - she always agrees with me 100% he he

I am a loon though (slightly crazy looking emoticon to be inserted here!!)

lou33 · 16/03/2004 15:44

Snigger

aloha · 16/03/2004 16:09

Twinkie's not a loon...she's hormonal

Thomcat's ex-friend, however, is a grade A, Class 1, certified genuine loon.

Original poster
Thomcat · 16/03/2004 16:10

Aloha - did you hear about GMTV?

OP posts:
Jimjams · 16/03/2004 16:15

TC- I think you were very reasonable- if I had had a row with someone I would have taken your email as a chance to try and patch some stuff up. She sounds insane.

Hope you don't spend too long getting the daggers from her tonight. Drink, be merry and ignore her.

Being a nosy sort I'm dying to know what your row was about

Lazyeye- I know it shouldn't have but your message made me laugh- the way you wrote it I mean.

Twinkie- my god!

aloha · 16/03/2004 16:19

Tell me! What about GMTV?

katierocket · 16/03/2004 16:20

aloha TC is going on GMTV - have alook at the other thread

Kayleigh · 16/03/2004 16:21

Blimey Twinkie ! I've changed my mind about fighting you for that cheesecake - it's all yours honey.
I don't fancy going back into work on Thursday afternoon with a split lip

aloha · 16/03/2004 16:22

Which thread?? Am off to search...

katierocket · 16/03/2004 16:27

aloha here

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