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Original poster

fallen out with friend, pls tell me what you think of this.

47 replies

Thomcat · 16/03/2004 14:54

I have fallen out with a friend and we have decided just to put some space between the 2 of us and see what happens. She's really upset me and been bang out of order. I've seen a different side of her and feel let down and quite angry about a few things.

Anyway we have mutual friends and tonight we are both supposed to be going to our book club meeting. I was going to leave it and not go, but another mutual friend told me that I should go and basically persuaded me. I rang the girl whose house it is at tonight, who happens to be the oldest and closest friend of girl I've fallen out with. I checked with her it would be okay ans she was fine and said yes of course.

I then thought, that as friend I've fallen out with happened to include me in a group email this morning that I should just drop her a line to say that I wanted to let her know I would be there tonight so it wasn't akward.

She came back and said 'Does L know?' (L is girl whose house it is.

I thought that was odd becasaue why should she ask that, unless the 2 of them had been discussing me and L had been siding with her or something, I don't know.

So I thought oh , and rang L and said 'Look hon' I think I should leave it tonight' and when she asked why I told her what M had said. She said 'oh look, this is silly and I insist you come tonight'. I was pleased that that was resolved and thought okay I'll go.

I then emailed M to say that the problem was with me and her and to please not involve L and that I would be there tonight and that we should try and be polite for sake of mutual friends but not have any more one on one contact. That was it, no more no less really.

She then emailed me back and saud. 'Yeah, well stop pestering me, Grow up, chill out. Get over yourself. Leave me alone'.!!!!!!!

I couldn't belive it. I emailed back that she seemed she needed to do some chilling out and that I was just tying to make tonight less akward and that she shouldn't flatter herself so much and I didn't want to be in her life or have her in mine, I just don't want our friends to feel awkward.

Do you think she was out of order there with her email, or should I never have bothered warning her that I was going to be there tonight, am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:

Original poster

Thomcat · 16/03/2004 16:31

Aloha - I emailed you abpout it 1st thing, sorry you didn't get it yet hon'. I wanted you to be the first to know!

So you think I should still go tonight. I should shouldn't I. Ohhhh, how deadly dull and boring and childish this all is.

OP posts:

katierocket · 16/03/2004 16:32

TC - definitely go. Rise above it - she's the one being an arse not you.

Kayleigh · 16/03/2004 16:35

Yes you should go. Be cool calm and collected and if she starts anything she is the one who will look stupid and childish.

lou33 · 16/03/2004 16:36

And make sure you look fantastic.

Fizog · 16/03/2004 16:39

Don't forget to mention that you're going to be on TV

Original poster

Thomcat · 16/03/2004 16:47

I just want to go home and get under the duvet, it's all so horrid and I'm so tired.

I will go though, i can't not really.

uggghhhh, why oh why or why?

Will let you know how awful, or not, it is.

Bloody discussing 1984 by Geaorge Orwell to make things worse!!!!

OP posts:

lou33 · 16/03/2004 16:52

Quick everyone! Give TC loads of things to say about 1984, so she can make exf look a fool!

lou33 · 16/03/2004 16:53

She says, having read it, but now her mind has gone blank.....

momof2 · 16/03/2004 16:57

1984, George Orwell's nihilistic vision of the future may not be entirely accurate datewise, but it is still a poignant warning for our obsessively voyeuristic society.

Sorry - copied this from someone else, but sounds good doesn't it??

marthamoo · 16/03/2004 17:00

No, you weren't in the wrong and your "friend" was horrid and mean in her email. You are being thoughtful and mature and trying not to have a bad atmosphere with your other friends and she is being a bitch!

I hope the evening isn't too bad. I fell out with someone I considered a best friend several years ago( I genuinely don't know why - she just stopped talking to me). We hadn't seen each other for over two years and then were both invited to a mutual friend's 30th. I was soooo nervous, but in the end we were polite to each other and it was OK. We send Christmas/birthday cards again now, but we'll never be friends again It did make me feel better that her dh collared me in a quiet moment (we had all been really good friends, went on holiday as couples together etc.) and told me she was a sily cow and I should punch her on the nose

Hope your evening isn't too stressful - can't help you with the book, have never read it!

Original poster

Thomcat · 16/03/2004 17:00

You funny girl lou.
Think I might just drink lots and sit with fixed smile avoiding all eye contact with her.
Will look mad, as in crazy!

OP posts:

marthamoo · 16/03/2004 17:06

Oh I drank LOTS at that 30th party - I downed several glasses of wine before she even arrived, Dutch courage and all that.

Original poster

Thomcat · 16/03/2004 17:08

Just texted another mutual mate and asked her to pick me up so I can walk in with her and not have to drive so can drink more than I should!

OP posts:

lou33 · 16/03/2004 17:15

Learn Momof2's script off by heart TC, it sounds v impressive! Or you could turn into the awful/hilarious woman in Nighty Night. Would pay good money to see that.

amess · 16/03/2004 17:18

Plus remember all the time everyone at Mumsnet thinks you are right. You never know, if she is a MN too and has read this she will be feeling really stupid now
That should help you to keep smiling

Original poster

Thomcat · 16/03/2004 17:35

What with GMTV and now this feel like I've spent the whole day feeling as if I'm going to throw up!

OP posts:

momof2 · 17/03/2004 09:36

Hi Thomcat - Was thinking of you this morning - hope last night went alright.

Kayleigh · 17/03/2004 09:41

How did it go Thomcat ?

Original poster

Thomcat · 17/03/2004 09:48

Well, I was outside having a ciggie with a few girls when she arrived and then as I came in we all went through to the other room to sit round table and discuss book so there was no contact. I was just myself, being chatty and normal. Spoke A LOT more than she did and was great when i made the whole room laugh a few times I have to say!!! Then when we were discussing where to have the next book club I offered my house which I wanted to do anyway but was even more keen in case she offered hers!!! Silly I know but it felt important, like I was back in control a bit seeing as it's her that was in the wrong and it was me feeling sick a t having to see her. Anyway at the end I was outside agin with a couple of the girls and when we came back in she'd gone

No eye contact or anything the whole evening.

She'll be at a friends house again on Thursday night when I go over there but not bothered anymore.

Phew!

OP posts:

Kayleigh · 17/03/2004 09:59

Good for you. Sounds like you did exactly the right thing. You must be relieved that's over. Now just GMTV to get through

Original poster

Thomcat · 17/03/2004 10:04

I'm very relieved it's all over yes
Not massively looking forward to seeing her on Thursday but know I can get through the evenig okay now after last night.

OP posts:

oliveoil · 17/03/2004 12:37

Good for you. Don't forget to mention on Thursday that you will be on GMTV and that on GMTV you are not sure what clothes to wear on GMTV and did I mention that I will be on GMTV (repeat till she turns red)

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