bereaved

[mumsywumsy]

hi everyone .... dunno if u remember me coz i haven't posted in a long time ... Unfortunately, and this is still painful .. i lost DH to ...what else ? cancer ...it seems to be evrywhere...i have been thoroughly confused by the resulting reactions ... at times i'm relieved that he's not in pain any more ...at times i just go to pieces ...and then sometimes i shake myself up and say - have to get on ... i don't think i'll ever stop grieving at this rate ...and now am alone and its scary ...so very diff to actually put in words what i am going thru ...needed a bit of TLC so thot i'd drop by ....

Do tell us more, mumsywumsy. It would be lovely to get to know you and be a support system for you when you feel down.

DelGirl is fantastic by the way, and there is at least one other widow on mn, Kateandthegirls who is in the USA. You are not alone.

Hi mumsywumsy,

I wasn't on mumsnet when you fist posted, so I missed this thread the first time around.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. How long ago was it? How old are your kids?

I lost my husband suddenly 3 years ago when he was 37 and I was 29. We have 2 daughters. I also moved after his death. I did live in New Jersey, but I moved to Florida just over a year ago. It has been a great move for me, and I hope Australia works out for you.

After 3 years I am still grieving my husband. I think I always will be. But as time goes on it gets easier to get on with life and accept my status as a single parent. But there are still good days and bad days. I haven't started dating again. I can't even imagine going out with someone other than my husband, let alone sleeping with them. I'm not ready and I don't know whether I ever will be. On the other hand, another woman I know who was widowed at the same time as me and who had an 18 month old daughter and was pregnant (she subsequentally miscarried) has now remarried and has a new baby. So different people are affected differently. What I'm trying to say is that any emotion or feeling you have is OK. There is no correct way of dealing with these circumstances.

By the way, butterflymum, thanks for this link. I hadn't seen that website before and I think it has a lot of good stuff on it.

hey ladies.... u all are so far away and yet so close !! Its difficult to imagine ! but thanks alot for everything ...sometimes i come on here just to get it all off my chest .. IYKWIM! I'm still looking for a job and tho i have enuff money just now to support ourselves i know soon enuff it will dwindle ...and i need to get a job b4 that happens .... some well- meaning friends an relatives have been trying to 'fix'me up with their divorced/separated/widowed/ male friends and it was such a shock ... coz i still feel like DH is around .. like he's on a business tour or something ... but anyway ... i want to settle down first an give the kids some security and stability before i put myself forward to ANYTHING.. i mt sound like the self sacrificng mom ...but then, who isn't ??? haven't we all at some stage sacrificed ourselves b4 our kids needs?? i'm not in a hurry and i believe that if anything has to happen it will...I'm lonely and it takes alot to get used to life without a DH after 15 yrs of just having to ...spend ... look after kids .. clean.. spend...and spend again...etc oh! i forgot.. cook!I'm adamant on finding my way and doing things slowly ...very frustrating when u don't know the difference between 'premiums'and 'third party liabilities '...still figuring that one out !
anyway ....bottom line is I have the freedom to do as i please but i have to be careful....I'd rather go slow than to rush into things i dunno a fig abt !Thanks again sweets .. I need you all !!!!!!

You sound like you're doing great Mumsywumsy. (Don't you hate it when people ask how you and/or the kids are. As if you're going to say "We're absolutely crappy, thanks, how are you?")

I'm still curious, if you don't mind saying, how long ago your husband died and how old your children are. Thankfully I haven't had anybody try to fix me up. I'm stil crazily in love with my husband - how could I think of dating anyone else?

KateandtheGirls,DH passed away ( still very difficult to say that), this yr in January. The boys are 9 and 13. I haven't yet hit the big Four-OH and we used to plan many things for it and what we'd do when it came around ....Now, however, I don't even feel like going for a walk by myself