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Original poster

bereaved

56 replies

mumsywumsy · 06/03/2004 20:18

hi everyone .... dunno if u remember me coz i haven't posted in a long time ... Unfortunately, and this is still painful .. i lost DH to ...what else ? cancer ...it seems to be evrywhere...i have been thoroughly confused by the resulting reactions ... at times i'm relieved that he's not in pain any more ...at times i just go to pieces ...and then sometimes i shake myself up and say - have to get on ... i don't think i'll ever stop grieving at this rate ...and now am alone and its scary ...so very diff to actually put in words what i am going thru ...needed a bit of TLC so thot i'd drop by ....

OP posts:
Janstar · 11/03/2004 12:02

How sad to read your news, mumsywumsy. I'm so sorry. Why don't you tell us all about your dh and why he was so special. I'd love to hear about him.

butterflymum · 11/03/2004 12:07

Sorry to hear of your sad loss.

I happened to be watching a local chat show last week when a young, bereaved mum was on talking about a site she had set up to say how it affected/affects her life, detail all the practical steps needed to be taken at the time and afterwards and generally share experiences/support others.

Not sure if it would be of any help to you, but she seemed such a positive person and gave an excellent interview:

Widowhood...a young woman's survival guide

Take care

butterfly

wilbur · 11/03/2004 12:08

So sorry to hear this mumsy - what a terrible thing, it makes my heart go cold to think of your pain. I hope we'll be able to offer a little comfort here, so keep posting. xxxx

Kayleigh · 11/03/2004 12:09

mumsywumsy I am so sorry to hear this. What a terrible thing for you and your family.

I have no real advice although I know things will eventually get better for you but it is a long road. My mums husband (second husband, not my dad) died from cancer 6 years ago after they had been together 15 years and while she will probably never get over losing him she has moved on and got on with her life.

Am thinking of you and sending a hug {{{x{}}}}

fio2 · 11/03/2004 12:11

Of course you are not going over the top! ((HUGS)) from me too, what an awful thing to happen to you and your family. I dont know how long ago this happened but you will be feeling numb and confused for a long time. This is not something that will just go away. Talk about him all you like on here, people are lovely on here and always know the right things to say (unlike me!) Im sure he knew you loved him xxxx

motherinferior · 11/03/2004 12:27

(((hugs)))

Original poster
mumsywumsy · 26/03/2004 21:06

hi again... have been going thru mood swings alot ..mostly from -ve to worse ..if that makes sense.. Many of my friends have stopped by to just chat or be there . And some even drop- evrything when i call an ask if they can come over or vice versa..however, this is limited to my female friends .. Some of DH's friends as well have been nice an not so nice .. one or two were/are very close to both DH an myself.. and tho i'm craving attention and company i find myself in a very dicey position..one evening one of them , say DH Friend 1 made a pass at me an i jus burst into tears....and slammed the door ...The other friend 2, has been saying an doing all the rt things...takes me out when i'm in a mood ...keeps me above sinking into self pity, buys small things for me , making me feel good even tho i resist,giving my confidence and morale a big boost , in short.. While this is all fine and i'm flattered.. i can't help wondering if theres some hidden expectations ? is he trying to get me where i can't say no to an, as of now , imagined proposition, or am i just going off my rocker and feeling so wretched that i can't see good intentions when they are just that ? How can i ask him with out hurting his feelings ? He really has been so sweet .. and i wonder if i'm giving myself too much importance and can't help thinking "who do u think u are anyway ??"...So ?? Now what ??

OP posts:
Janh · 26/03/2004 21:24

I'm glad your friends are being there when you need them, mumsywumsy. Sorry to hear about DH's friend 1 but I don't think you should assume the same of friend 2 - take his kindness at face value - don't try asking him why he's being kind - if in the long run it turns out he did have ulterior motives then you can deal with him at the time but he may not and I hope he doesn't.

One of the mums at DS2's school lost her husband last weekend (hereditary heart failure), leaving her with 3 girls aged 13, 11 and 8. I don't know her very well so don't feel I can barge in but wish I could help. She has lots of friends and family though.

Original poster
mumsywumsy · 26/03/2004 21:45

Janh, in this time of sorrow ppl I dint know very well called up and paid their condolences .. an offered to help if they could.. It made me feel good to know that ppl care and i now realize that everybody can provide some degree of help ..even if its just to chat ...i guess, if u feel like, u can give DS2 friends Mom a short visit or phone call to say yr sorry abt her loss and put the ball in her court by suggesting SHE call u if she needs anything..At least u've done yr bit by comforting her.. sorry, tho if this seems a bit pushy...

OP posts:
Hulababy · 26/03/2004 21:49

Only just seen this thread. So sorry mumsy. Take care of yourself and accepted all the help offered. (((hugs)))

CountessDracula · 26/03/2004 22:03

Mumsywumsy I just wanted to add my support and say how sad I am to hear of your awful loss. I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel. (((()))

Original poster
mumsywumsy · 26/03/2004 22:14

its lovely coming on here and having all of u supporting me ....its just so hard to see straight, forget about THINKING straight.. Thank you...... each an everyone of u.. (((((ALL))))))

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hmb · 26/03/2004 22:18

Hugs to you sweetie.

Original poster
mumsywumsy · 07/10/2004 11:58

hello...i'm back and to all of u who remember me i took a BIG step... and moved to

Australia ...

i've been here almost 3 months and things are tuff.

And i miss DH so much...

OP posts:
Twinkie · 07/10/2004 12:02

Bloody Hell - welcome back!!

Marina · 07/10/2004 12:03

mumsy, have you friends and family over there? That is a long way to move. Talk to us some more if it helps. In what way are things tough (other than the obvious ? Are you OK for housing etc? Good to hear from you again, please stay in touch.

anorak · 07/10/2004 12:05

Hello mumsywumsy! My goodness, Australia! What made you decide to do that? Do you think it is working out for you? Do tell us more.

(I used to be Janstar btw)

bonniej · 07/10/2004 12:09

I think you're very brave {{{{{hugs}}}}}xxxx

Hulababy · 07/10/2004 12:10

So sorry mumsy (((hugs)))

And welcome back to MN

DelGirl · 07/10/2004 12:11

hi mumsywumsy. I'm very sorry for your, still very recent, loss. I lost my dh to cancer too just over 2 years ago. If you ever fancy a chat, please feel free to CAT me anytime.

Original poster
mumsywumsy · 07/10/2004 12:30

oh!!! How wunderful to have u all here !

Yes , its a new world and i have my sister here and some cousins and friends ...they have been gr8 and very very helpful... I know this is something i'll never get over and I'm still very raw and emotional ...I feel guilty.. sad... hurt... pain...and very very vulnerable but I just cudn't help thinking i'm being very selfish..I have two DS also... i dunno if i'm brave but i have to think abt their lives as well..

I think i made the move coz i thot i needed a break and tho it challenges every emotional reaction....I just feel I have to prove it to myself that i can rely on myself... Ok I might screw up(lang?!!) a few times.. but I read somewhere that- unless u try, u'll never know..
Plus I think DH woulda wanted me to move on and 'get a life,' so to speak.. what say , ladies?

OP posts:
Original poster
mumsywumsy · 07/10/2004 12:42

just wanted to add ... I have got a house , got the kids into school, got a car, albeit on a loan... and am looking for work ..
so far ... so good

OP posts:
Mirage · 07/10/2004 13:21

You sound a very brave lady.I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

I truely believe that no one who really loves us wouldn't want us to carry on & make the best of life.I'm sorry I can't put it any better but I'm not very good with words.

suedonim · 07/10/2004 13:32

Welcome back, Mumsywumsy! You sound amazing and I'm full of admiration for the way you're coping. Best wishes for your new life in Oz.

bundle · 07/10/2004 13:34

good for you, whereabouts are you in aus? you know there are a few MNers in aus?