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Original poster

does anyone regret a abortion

45 replies

SHIREENSMOM · 04/03/2004 14:53

i am writing this because of what i wrote in the other thread i had a abortion 3 years ago i was only 17 and i was with the same boyf that i am with now and we have a dd togther and every day i think about a life that i disstroyed i cant get over it, after i had it done i had to take ages off work(my dad was my manager so i was allowed) after i had the abortion a moth and a bit later i found out that i was pg again and i didnt even think about having another abortion it felt like it was a way i could make up for what i done i would never change dd for the world but i cant stop beating myself up about it i was even looking at pro life web sites
yesterday and i was looking at the pictures of aborted babies i couldnt stop myself i was crying all night thinking how could i do that. does anyone else fell this too its only me dp and the doctors that no i had it done

OP posts:
slug · 05/03/2004 13:32

Like alongtimeago I had an abortion and I have never regretted it. It was the wrong time for me, and if I had gone ahead with the pregnancy I would never have had my wonderful sluglet. I look at it positivly, getting pregnant then showed me that I was fertile with dh, something that up till then I had doubted.

bitter · 05/03/2004 19:50

unlike others here, I was 39 and already a mum when I had an abortion. I was shocked at an unplanned pregnancy and felt tired and really unwell and OLD. I work full time and we were in the middle of a run of evening visits to schools and stuff, and I couldn't see how we could cope with our lives as they were and a baby.

DH was just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with the school run as our youngest was leaving primary. DS1 was about to do A levels and DD to GCSEs. My mum told me I was being very selfish having another baby on a whim and depriving the kids I already have.

I bowed under the pressure. DH didn't want me to have it, mum didn't want me to have it, and I wanted to feel like a person.

About 3 months afterwards it was like I woke up. I couldn't see how I could have done such a thing and I am racked by guilt nearly all the time. The baby would have been 15 months old by now.

It has put a wedge between me and DH because I blame him and he also blames me. He blames me because he now bitterly regrets forcing my hand and wishes we'd not told mum and just had the baby. I really blame myself because I sat in the clinic and thought I don't want to do this but couldn't face calling DH back to get me or ringing mum to say I hadn't done it. How pathetic is that?

I had 6 weeks counselling from a wonderful woman I found through yellow pages under pregnancy services. They are a christian organisation so they are free and not preachy. I may go back again and try to take DH to make him talk to me. I found out recently in the middle of a row about his regrets. He hadn't said anything before.

carla · 05/03/2004 19:56

Haven't read anything but your initial message, but the answer is yes, and no.

marthamoo · 05/03/2004 20:14

bitter, I'm sorry you're so sad (((hugs))) xx

Original poster
SHIREENSMOM · 05/03/2004 23:38

sorry to hear about that fisil, you are all so nice to tell me about your experiences it must of took a lot of courage i dont really no what brings it on some days im fine then i just start thinking about it i no that i i hadent of had the abortion my dd wouldnt be hear now thats what makes here even more special at the time of the abortion i was 17 to put i bluntly i wasnt write in the head i attemped suicide twice (for reasons wich are too painfull to go into) and when i found out i was pg at first i wanted to keep the baby so i could have somone to love and love me back but me and boyf sat down and spoke about it i was living in a bedsit and he was at his moms and we were so broke so we decided to abort it was the hardest decision we have ever made in our lives, when i went to the hospital for the abortion it was 8.00am and there was about 15 other girls there all diffrent ages they were with their moms and boyfriends but my boyfriend had to go to work because we were so broke we couldnt ever afford for him to take the day off work, we went into the ward wich was on the maternity ward wich made it harder, before my boyf left he gave me a hug and said if you really cant go through with it call me and ill never mention it again, we got into our beds and were all given numbers i was number one so as sooon as i went in they got me changed made me sign a form i wanted so badly to ring him up to come and get me but i couldnt how stupid is that, i was lieing on that cold bed in theatre the anethetist was holding my hand an i was just crying so much the next thing i new i woke up and was screaming no what have i done they took me back to the ward and i felt like saying to all the other girls no dont do it but i didnt i was all alone all i wanted was someone to be with me later that day they dischared me even though i was of no fit state to be let out, my boyf picked me up we didnt say a word to each other in the car he put me to bed gave me a hug and went to work i didnt get out of that bed for 3 weeks other to go to the loo i couldnt eat i didnt wash i couldnt do anything, boyf used to come round after work and we just used to lie there in bed for hours just thinking. he told me the other day how when he used to go home he used to cry himself to sleep and how he wished he had come to the hospital and stopped me from going through with it ,3 weeks later i found out i was pg again we sat down and talked for hours but we both new we couldnt go through with another abortion and we thought it was out chance to make up for what we done i am so glad we had dd before she was born i was so messed up if i hadnt of had her i dont think i would be here now.
i have never told anyone this before(about the abortion) the only people that no are me and boyf. thank you all for your support im now gong to wash my face ive cryed for england in the past ten mins and then im going to cuddle dd my angel, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
wiltshire · 06/03/2004 02:29

I think that you are looking for an awful lot of 'I can unload my guilt here'. Why on earth did you have a child so soon after if you felt so bad about the abortion? Perhaps if your birth control had been a bit more effective you would not be on here talking about your loss!!

wiltshire · 06/03/2004 02:33

This probably sounds a bit harsh!!

wiltshire · 06/03/2004 02:36

Have read your thread through, didn't you ever think about using birth control.

wiltshire · 06/03/2004 02:38

Sorry I have just repeated myself. But God knows where you were getting your advice!

Ghosty · 06/03/2004 02:45

Oh Wiltshire ... that IS harsh ....
Shireensmom and everyone else ... I haven't had your experience and like someone else said in this thread when I had to have a D&C after a miscarriage I thought "Thank god I haven't had to face an abortion ... "
Thinking of you all ...
Love Ghosty xxx

wiltshire · 06/03/2004 02:50

Oh perhaps I should have added that I too, have had an abortion.

wiltshire · 06/03/2004 03:05

I have always posted on this website with what I thought fair. Until I saw this thread. I have never seen so many people who are 'at the time it was right, I regret.....'. What a load of rubbish!! None of you did what you did because you thought of that child (including me!) We all did it because it was not right for us to be pg at that time. If anyone here had a termination because of medical reasons ' I am sorry', but anyone else, don't spout a load of rubbish because it didn't fit in with your life at that time.

magnum · 06/03/2004 08:15

I think you're being a bit harsh wiltshire. Everyone's circumstances and state of minds at the time would have been different. In my case now my situation is totally different to what it was I regret my decision. There is nothing wrong with having regrets for things you've done in the past. We're only human.

marthamoo · 06/03/2004 09:13

wiltshire, why did you post that? Shireensmom is broken-hearted about what she did and full of regret. Which bit of your response to her did you think was helpful, if any? I don't know how anyone could read her last post and then be so hard on her. Can anyone say they haven't made a mess of things and done something they regret? I'm astonished by your (and donnie's) posts on this thread - if I was unable to be anything other than judgmental and unsympathetic towards someone crying out for help and support I just wouldn't post.

Shireensmom, I for one hope it has helped a little to post about what you went through - it made me cry that you were so alone and frightened. (((hugs)))

fisil · 06/03/2004 09:17

Can I make a suggestion that we let this thread die so that Shireensmom is spared the anguish of reading these last few quotes. I've e-mailed her to warn her not to come here.

Wiltshire, I think you are starting an important and valid debate, but the issue here is someone who is very messed up and hurt and is asking for help. Now really isn't the time and place. Please have some respect.

marthamoo · 06/03/2004 09:18

Fisil, agreed, let's let this one disappear

Original poster
SHIREENSMOM · 06/03/2004 14:50

i didndt get your email but it doesnt matter i have read the posts and your rite all i wanted was to let it all out and i was looking for support im sorry some people feel this way , but i was write for me at the time and no i do regret it are you telling me you dont regret anything,
and by the way the first time i got pg i was on the pill and no i didnt work and the second time i got pg i had a colil fitted the same time as the termination and it became lose and i had to have it removed, i was 17 years old for f**k sake i had no mom no family and i was alone i really hope you never have to fell like id did but its no reason to make remarks like that.

to all the rest of you thank you for listening to me its made me fell a lot better to talk about it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
Angeliz · 06/03/2004 14:57

SHIREENSMOM, glad you are feeling a bit better

wiltshire, i think that was very mean and don't we all come on here sometimes to let off steam and unload our guilt?

WideWebWitch · 06/03/2004 15:17

Hi Shireensmum, I agree with everyone else who says we all make mistakes and you can't change the past but you can be grateful for the lovely girl you have now. I'm so glad you're feeling better today. I do think once you have a child you are far more aware of what could have been so an earlier termination may hit you harder. I'm glad the rest of your life is happier. I've had a termination too and I don't regret it at all but I do understand a bit of how you feel. I won't change my name to post this either - I don't feel ashamed of it.

A small aside but IMO the anti abortionists shouldn't be called "pro lifers" however much they'd like us to - we're ALL PRO life. They're anti abortionists and I think we should start calling them that. I won't say more on this thread but if anyone wants to debate it feel free to start another discussion and I'll join you there.

bunny2 · 06/03/2004 15:23

Shireensmom, I am glad you are feeling a bit better and that a majority of posters have helped. Please dont let the callous remarks of some put you off.

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