Best *put down* you've ever heard?

[marthamoo]

I have two.

Second favourite: at Uni, a very pretentious bloke was holding forth about how Prefab Sprout (remember them?) were the best band ever (better than the Stones, better than the Beatles etc.), mainly because of the depth and intelligence of their lyrics. One of the girls we were with just fixed him with a withering look and said "Oh yes, their lyrics...hot dog, jumping frog, Alberquerque." He shut up after that.

But my best has to be one of my friends from Uni - he's gay, and extremely camp, so has a natural advantage in the put down department. We were at a party one night, a few years after graduation, and the most boring bloke ever was monopolising the conversation with a monologue on his Very Important job as a Museum Curator. He had gone on and on about the importance of preserving history, the work on restoring artefacts, blah blah blah, and as he paused to draw breath my friend said, in the campest and most cutting drawl, "darling, really it's just dusting a load of old knick-knacks, isn't it?"

More please - I am in dire need of a laugh this morning.

codandchips - Bette Midler in the ex wives club I think. Isn't it something like "...and my insurance premiums are lower" ?

"If I had a face like yours I'd teach my @rse to speak!"

Ok I have found reference to it on snopes the urban legend site (very readable ) hrer

unfortunately sometimes kids are a bit slow... I have used

want some cheese with that whine?

WHy? Is a letter between x and z.

But??? Only billy goats butt.

When god was handing out brains you thought they were milkshakes and you asked for a thick one... ( hangover from my childhood)

Cat's bum face - or sucked on a lemon face...

have heard someone who was called 'fat' reply - I may be fat but I can diet - ugly is forever!!

Q - Have you got a match?
A - My arse, your face

one from a colleague at work who was harrassing a lady from the same office to go out with him - "any chance I can get in your knickers?" Her reply - "oh goody, then there'll be TWO c**ts in there!" I'm still waiting for a bloke to ask me the same question just for the joy of repeating it!

I love the Churchill one when he was drunk at a dinner party. a woman said (horrified) "Sir! You're drunk!" He replied " And you're ugly Madam, but in the morning I shall be sober!"

Oscar Wilde and Groucho Marx had a few jems too!

Or should that have been gems??? Dreadful spelling - sorry!

There was a dinner party, and two barristers were craning their necks to talk around the very clever and accomplished woman (a minor politician of sorts) sitting between them. At the end of the dinner one of the barristers said, "Oh dear, I hope you didn't find it rude that we spent the whole night swapping law stories."

She answered: "No, I didn't find you rude. Just f--king BORING."