Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Best *put down* you've ever heard?

59 replies

marthamoo · 26/02/2004 09:56

I have two.

Second favourite: at Uni, a very pretentious bloke was holding forth about how Prefab Sprout (remember them?) were the best band ever (better than the Stones, better than the Beatles etc.), mainly because of the depth and intelligence of their lyrics. One of the girls we were with just fixed him with a withering look and said "Oh yes, their lyrics...hot dog, jumping frog, Alberquerque." He shut up after that.

But my best has to be one of my friends from Uni - he's gay, and extremely camp, so has a natural advantage in the put down department. We were at a party one night, a few years after graduation, and the most boring bloke ever was monopolising the conversation with a monologue on his Very Important job as a Museum Curator. He had gone on and on about the importance of preserving history, the work on restoring artefacts, blah blah blah, and as he paused to draw breath my friend said, in the campest and most cutting drawl, "darling, really it's just dusting a load of old knick-knacks, isn't it?"

More please - I am in dire need of a laugh this morning.

OP posts:
Fizog · 26/02/2004 12:03

My friend to a guy that looked like the guy in the 118 adverts
"Got your number"
Retort "Well I haven't got yours - Thank god"

mothernature · 26/02/2004 12:07
  1. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

  1. Do I look like a fucking people person?

  2. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

  3. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

  4. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

  5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

  6. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

  7. You!... Off my planet!

  8. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

  9. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

  10. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

  11. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

  12. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

  13. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

  14. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

  15. Allow me to introduce my selves.

  16. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

  17. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

  18. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

  19. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

  20. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

  21. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

  22. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

  23. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

  24. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

  25. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

  26. A woman's favorite position is CEO.

  27. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

  28. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

  29. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

  30. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

  31. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

  32. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!

  33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

  34. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

  35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

  36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

  37. I plead contemporary insanity.

  38. And which dwarf are you?

  39. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

  40. Meandering to a different drummer.

  41. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

bran · 26/02/2004 12:08

Not proud of it, but I did once say to a colleague who just wasn't getting what I was explaing "Look, I know you can understand this, I've seen you use a telephone".

oliveoil · 26/02/2004 12:14

I find saying 'AND????' when someone has finished going on with themselves works quite well.

turnupthebass · 26/02/2004 12:31

A bit paraphrased...

"I wish that for just one time, you could stand inside my shoes.
then you'd know what a drag it is to see you"

Positively 4th Street - Bob Dylan

twiglett · 26/02/2004 12:34

message withdrawn

Codandchips · 26/02/2004 12:36

(a size/ weight loss one)

Ive had three kids - whats your excuse?

princesspeahead · 26/02/2004 12:46

famous one when the aussies were playing s africa at test cricket - bowler (aussie) said to batter to put him off "why are you so bloody fat?" and batter (SA) replied "because every time I f*ck your wife she gives me a cookie"! Cue all the SA fielders wetting themselves laughing, batter out next ball.

I love that line.

princesspeahead · 26/02/2004 12:47

famous one when the aussies were playing s africa at test cricket - batter (aussie) said to bowler to put him off "why are you so bloody fat?" and bowler(SA) replied "because every time I f*ck your wife she gives me a cookie"! Cue all the SA fielders wetting themselves laughing, batter out next ball.

I love that line.

princesspeahead · 26/02/2004 12:48

note I'd got my batters and bowlers confused in the first post.
I hate bloody cricket!

Codandchips · 26/02/2004 12:50

an old one I htink

Bit of urban legend?

Metrobaby · 26/02/2004 13:02

I always liked ...

'Who cut your hair? ... Are they still employed?'

Galaxy · 26/02/2004 13:12

message withdrawn

emmatmg · 26/02/2004 13:17

DOn't know if this has already been said but.....

God gave her beauty then smacked her in the face with a shovel.

oliveoil · 26/02/2004 13:18

'you can drop the attitude, you only work in a shop'

Edina & Patsy off Ab Fab to snooty museum/art gallery worker

emmatmg · 26/02/2004 13:19

DOn't know if this has already been said but.....

God gave her beauty then smacked her in the face with a shovel.

and

beaten senseless with the ugly stick.

alibubbles · 26/02/2004 13:47

There's a village somewhere without an idiot, I suggest you go there.

The circus is in town and they need a new clown.

Teachers comments to boys in DS's class!

Twinkie · 26/02/2004 13:50

Girl 1 - You've put on weight.

Girl 2 - well I'm prettier than you, cleverer than you so I thought I would put on weight so you didn't feel so bad about yourself.

Said to old school friend bumped into that never liked anyway (and she was wearing open toed shoes with opaque tights - god would have worked that one in if I could have)

Codandchips · 26/02/2004 13:54

I like that line in a film(cant remember which) when the older woman rams the younger womans car and says I am older and have more insurance.

Competition: NAME THAT FILM!

lilibet · 26/02/2004 13:56

Fried Green Tomatoes at The Whistle Stop Cafe

Browbeaten · 26/02/2004 14:01

My old boss's PA, after a particularly bad day with the contrary fool, described him as " a waste of skin".

One of my favorites from school was when a teacher said to you if they caught you yawning "Am I keeping you up xxx?" and you'd reply "No, you're sending me asleep" - usually followed by "See you in detention xxx" :0

Browbeaten · 26/02/2004 14:02

sorry - to sleep not asleep - should of been less lippy and then I would have learnt summit!!

Blackduck · 26/02/2004 16:12

Got the full six pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all togther....

Not the brightest crayon in the box are we?

Davros · 26/02/2004 17:28

The cat's bottom line reminds me of "she looks like she just sucked a lemon", we always say someone has "got a face like a bag of anvils" (far worse than spanners) and a former boss of mine used to say "so and so thinks their sh#t don't stink" (crude but accurate)

slug · 26/02/2004 17:31

You crawled out of the shallow end of the gene pool

You must really miss primary school

(to a flasher) Oooh, that looks like a penis....only smaller

(to my horrible college students) You need to practise this phrase "Would you like fries with that?" (Takes them ages to work out thy're being insulted.)

And your point is?????