RE cat tips:
smear cat in tar...hmmm you're joking aren't you
squirt her with a water pistol... yes, but that means the kitchen gets wet. If the floor tiles get slippery, that's dangerous. So lots of mopping up. Not a bad idea, though
Hiss and growl at her... do that already, with some limited success
Anyway, even if I train the cat to never jump on surfaces when I am around, who is to say what she does when I am not there? I wouldn't trust a cat - would you?
I know some of you hate the idea of introducing a pet into your home, but once you do, IMO you cannot expect tip top standards of cleanliness, unless you watch your pet every minute. So if you go to some pet owners home, you have to realise it can't be as hygenic - no fault of the pet owner. I would never place food straight onto my work surfaces - damage limitation in other words. I expect guests to clock I have a cat and do the same.
And generation after generation of children have survived the pet invasion, so I will go by the saying, a little dirt does no harm.