What advice would you give fictional characters?

[hunkermunker]

For instance, Humpty, don't get on that wall. It'll end in tears.

Snow White, dont go accepting treats from strangers. Did your Father never teach you about Stranger Danger?

Big Ears - get a pinnaplasty and grow your hair and people will stop calling you names

Angeliz

Eva Khatchatourian in 'We need to talk about Kevin':

Have an abortion! For God's sake! While there's still time!

Atheist old man - watch your back round Goosey Goosey Gander.

Snow White - stay off the apples and tell the little fellas to clean up their own mess.

Baby Bunting's Dad - your son will look much cuter in a Mothercare babygrow. And I hope that shotgun is licensed.

Wendy, take off your hard hard when not on the building site, glam yourself up a bit, (push up bra, bit of make up) and bloody well give Bob a good seeing to! It's SO obvious you want to.. and I reckon Bob more than reciprocates.. I don't know what's the matter the pair of you!! One of these days, that sister of yours with the pink highlights and a bit more get-up-and-go than you, is gonna snatch him from right under your nose!

Mariana (Measure for Measure), let's take this from the beginning, OK? So he might shag you if you dress up as a nun, but sweetie - I know you love him, but is this really the best foundation for a lasting relationship? Do you really want your only chance of a sex life to involve a wimple?

This is the best thread in ages

If you can't get over it and can't get under it, I'd give up that Bear Hunt now.

Little Red Hen: this is not the way to an equal division of labour.

Winston Smith in 1984: face it, you love Big Brother.

Julius - They're behind you!!

this has really cheered me up thanks everyone but why has no one mentioned miss marple if she moves into your village or stays in the same place as you MOVE!! or you will die!

Winnie The Pooh - step away from the honey pot and go see a dentist...

Message withdrawn

Prince Florizel; do you genuinely believe you have gained adequate consent from that sleeping woman before snogging her?

Message withdrawn

To any heroine of chick lit... take a closer look at your best male friend.

Anna Karenina and Bridget Jones: Oh FGS get a life!

The cast of Lost - wait for the next plane

(some more I thought of on way home)

Wibbly Pig - yes it is bedtime, now shut up and go to sleep.

Elmer - no he's not your friend, he's a LION ffs.

(Am still giggling at HM and Very Hungry Caterpillar.)

To the papa in 'Hush Little Baby'

I think your spending is way out of control and your choice of toys are misguided.

Babies don't need mocking birds, diamond rings, or looking glasses let alone two billy goats. Have you never heard of Mothercare?

Pianomummy - you might add that if he must get the baby a diamond ring, at least get one from a reputable supplier.

and give it to the baby's mother...she'll appreciate it a lot more than the baby

also...if you must buy a billy goat, at least invest in a strong tether.

bridget jones - you say you've seen pride & prejudice? so use your noddle and think about it - that mr darcy was nice underneath it all so...