What advice would you give fictional characters?

[hunkermunker]

For instance, Humpty, don't get on that wall. It'll end in tears.

all characters except harry potter - steer well clear of scar-boy - have you seen what happens to his friends each year?!

Gruffalo -it's so not the mouse they're all scared of.

Lady Macbeth, you need to change your washing powder love.

Elizabeth Bennet - Look, underneath it all he's just a real softie! Grab him while you can and forget Wickham.

Have you never heard of Flylady Miss Haversham? your skirting boards are a disgrace

I wouldn't wait for Godot if I were you

Old lady - Why did you swallow that fly, you will probably die now.

Oi Wicked Witch of the West - wear a mac. Trust me, its wet out.

Noddy. It was the Goblins OK? Always was, always will be. Now either you get Mr Plod sorted and shove an ASBO on them,. or your life will be constant round of mischivious misery.

Bad Guys on Scooby Doo - it was the pesky kids who grassed you up

Lady of Shallott: I think you need to get out more. Possibly taking swimming lessons would be a good idea.

i love this thread, i may marry it

That goes for you too, Ophelia.

Ophelia: take some water wings, and ditch the rosemary..

MI

Most Dickens heroines: get a grip, love.

Heathcliff: she loves you, OK? Enough with the drama. Give her a kiss, and live happily ever after.

Peter Piper: leave the peck of pickled pepper where it effin is

Mr Rochester, please wait until your wife is off the scene or at least explain it to poor Jane before the wedding date. Just a hint, mate.

RUN RABBIT RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE FARMERS GONNA BLOWS YOUR BRAINS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mary - get a conjuction order out on that lamb, he's stalking you.

Focus Chicken Licken, Focus. Is that fox really your friend?

Mr Pig, it's brick sweetheart. Either invest in a bulldozer or buy your pork in Sainsburys.

Red Riding Hood, have you considered contact lenses love? wolf, granny. A dress doesn't cover that much of a difference, surely?