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Original poster

Should I have sex for money?

131 replies

yawn · 30/01/2004 15:48

I'm not a troll! I post regularly but have changed my name. If you were strapped for cash and someone you knew quite well had joked about paying for it. Would you have sex for money?

We've often joked about it in the past - I'd give him a special rate etc... but it's not actually happened.

Anyway today whilst talking about one of his friends who wanted casual sex - I jokingly said I'd do it. I had a think about it and sent a text to my friend saying I do it for £150.

Would I be wrong to do it?

OP posts:
charlieplus3 · 01/02/2004 19:53

£150.00 for your dignity, not much is it.

50k for the same, not much is it.

The love of your life time partner and your dignity for free. Know which id choose!!!!!!!!

stupidgirl · 01/02/2004 20:32

I am not someone who sleeps around much (but yes, I have had one night stands and sex on the first date). I would never condemn someone who finds themselves desperate. Nor, you will notice, have I condoned it.

If you go into a situation like this with your eyes open (and yes, I know it can rapidly go downhill) and having considered all aspects, then I don't really see how self-esteem comes into it. If I made a carefully considered decision to take money for sex, then I don't think it would adversely affect my self-esteem.

If I could pick and choose clients and earn a reasonable amount of money from doing it then I don't see any objection. What I do object to is all the women who are forced into it - either by someone else, or by circumstances. The girls who are out on the street with no protection. There is a world of difference between that and an arrangement between friends.

That said, I would be extremely cautious of a 'friend' who was prepared to set you up with a stranger. IMO I would question my trust in someone who could look at me in that way. Would he be taking commission for this little arrangement?

I'm not sure if I agree with all VP's ideas, but I do think she has a point about how 'high class prostitution' is much more acceptable. At the end of the day, so muchof our attitude towards things like this are shaped by society. And to me, while there is a distinction between one night stands and accepting money for sex, I theink morally the lines are blurred.

Finally, Aloha, you might have experienced poverty, but not from the point of view of being the provider. If you had been the one on the breadline with a child to support, prehaps you would think differently. Perhaps not. Who knows?

ks · 01/02/2004 20:55

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tanzie · 01/02/2004 21:59

Bobsmum - hope you've had it since then as well
For the record, I've never had a one night stand
but plenty of my friends have and I know that they wouldn't consider themselves to be trollops.

VP - think you have a point...but...

aloha · 01/02/2004 22:11

I wouldn't have sex with anyone for money. Any amount of money. And not just because I'm married. And if I was that poor, I'd do what my mum did. Clean floors in old people's homes. Work in children's homes. Do stuff that's crap and hard, but has value and leaves you feeling tired and poor, but not like a prostitute with 'friends' who want to use you for money.

Lisa78 · 01/02/2004 22:14

spot on, aloha

CountessDracula · 01/02/2004 22:18

YES you would be wrong to do it and you would regret it in the future.

Imagine if it was your daughter considering doing this. Would you advise her to go ahead?

Moomin · 01/02/2004 22:34

Pretty amazed that yawn would start this off and then flounce away when other posters replied honestly. What did you expect, yawn? You must have known it was shocking and would provoke extreme reactions. Sorry if you think we're all on our moral high-horses but I really don't think I'm in the minority because I don't sleep with casual friends and friends-of-friends and expect there to be no fall-out.
I agree with the poster earlier who said that your original post did not sound like someone desperate. TBH it sounded like someone who is gaining a bit of attention in a way which slightly thrills them sexually and basically wants the nod from others to go ahead.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but I think it's a bit naive to expect anyone to condone this that has even a tiny bit of concern for you, yawn, who sounds like they need help, not exploitation by a so-called friend who clearly does not give a shit.

motherinferior · 02/02/2004 08:33

I don't have any problem with one-night stands or casual sex. I do have a problem with the fact two blokes are passing your name and price around. And I think you might well end up wishing you hadn't done it, so if that £150 is what stands between you and absolute destitution but you have any other way to make it, I think you should take that other option.

Janstar · 02/02/2004 09:13

I think the best favour you could do yourself is to find some better friends.

Twinkie · 02/02/2004 09:28

I would feel terribly degraded that people think that little of me that they have been offering me to their friends for money - that would be more disgusting than sleeping with some creep who feels like he is doing me a favour by paying me for sex.

I think prostitution is vile and disgusting - I understand that some women choose to do it and think that most of them are probably either forced into it through lack of money or resort to it to buy drugs etc... - to me it is not a normal career choice.

I am not going to apologise for any of the above - that is my take on sleeping with people for money - please please don't do it - I fear that you will either do it again and again or feel so disgusted with yourself that you will end up depressed or taking drugs or harming yourself in some other way - sounds drastic huh - to me taking drugs is far less drastic than prostituting yourself.

(I must say though that I had Catholic schooling and have a pretty prudish attitiude to sex).

Nicksie · 02/02/2004 09:58

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pie · 02/02/2004 10:04

Nicksie

Ok...can I just ask you to stop with the 'we'? We all have our own opinions and moral standards an I for one don't want to see MN become a place where everyone feels that 'we' have to feel the same way about everything!

And FTR...there have been several threads about taking drugs and smoking, and plenty of people who think that they're ok if you're not hurting anyone else. If that makes some MNetters 'morally liberal' then so be it, but I don't think its fair to make out that these people are WRONG, because you feel this way and insist on using the term 'we'.

Blu · 02/02/2004 10:13

Well, at least Yawn has kept everyone awake! No internet access at the w/e Yawn?
Yawn's original question was 'would I be wrong?', a question relating to values. Most of the posts here have (rightly, imo)focussed on safety, not only physical but emotional and psychological, which is caring rather than moralistic, isn't it?

My own price? Whatever the difference was between life and death at that moment, be that a cheese sandwich, or the cost of lengthy brain surgery if I was in a non-NHS country!

aloha · 02/02/2004 10:16

'Mumsnet' doesn't have an opinion on anything - the boards are made up of the opinions of lots of very different people. Sometimes there is a vague concensus, sometimes there are ferocious disagreements. Why would should it be different on this thread.

Nicksie · 02/02/2004 10:21

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lydialemon · 02/02/2004 10:40

Nicksie, why are you so upset?

If a woman consents to sleep with a man for money or for fun thats her business and her choice to make. If she doesn't consent thats not prostitution, thats rape, and not what we were discussing.

There is nothing 'bad' in saying its wrong if thats truly how you feel, but obviously some of us don't agree with that POV.

I'm quite happy being moraly liberal I'm afraid

aloha · 02/02/2004 10:59

I think I'm morally liberal, but I do actually think prostitution is a bad thing. Which is not the same as saying a woman who is a prostitute is a bad woman. I also think my thoughts on the ethics of prostitution and men buying women for sex seem almost irrelevant (or entirely irrelevant) in this particular case, where I think more urgent issues such as the role of the friends and the potential danger are much more pressing.

Original poster
yawn · 02/02/2004 11:09

I was suprised to see this message still active. I have been working long hours since Friday night and so have not been back since.

I should have stuck around on Friday but I felt too vulnerable and unclear and unsure of my thoughts to feel I could sensibly participate in the conversation. Everything felt like a personal attack and I didn't feel it was helping.

I mustered the courage to read through the thread this morning and can see there's a lot of useful/interesting/constructive points made since I last looked in.

I spoke to my 'friend' at greater length who told me he had thought I was joking and that he would never let any of his friends sleep with me let alone for money (nor would he ever suggest such a thing to them). We talked about it a lot and talked about a lot of other related issues and had a bit of a moment (not sexual) just a "i love you, you're my best friend moment".

Reading through the thread there are a lot of sticks that have been grabbed at the wrong end and YES THIS WAS ENTIRELY MY FAULT by not explaining myself fully or clearly or in any capacity at all really. Feeling better and more positive I would love to respond to lots of the comments on here but I feel it's best left alone

Yes I am still very strapped for cash but my friend helped meet some things in order and I feel better about money (and life). This whole predicament made me take a long hard look at myself, my feelings, my life and my priorities but I know at the end of the day I have a great deal to be greatful for and although things are tough right now, I still have my family and my friends and together they will drag me out the otherside.

OP posts:
Janstar · 02/02/2004 11:16

Yawn, I'm so glad you are back. And it is great that you are taking away what you find constructive from here. You sound as if you are feeling much better now. I'm delighted that your friend came through for you after all. I hope things don't seem so desperate any more.

Original poster
yawn · 02/02/2004 11:25

Janstar - you are wonderful and your post further down about your jobs is truly inspiring. On threads, you never quite cease to amaze me and your family and friends are very lucky to have such a strong, intelligent and caring woman in their lives.

OP posts:
StressyHead · 02/02/2004 11:27

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StressyHead · 02/02/2004 11:28

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StressyHead · 02/02/2004 11:28

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Nicksie · 02/02/2004 11:29

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