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Original poster

If you waited before losing your virginity ... why?

111 replies

morningpaper · 15/04/2006 20:43

Reading the thread about the Guardian article on sex made me wonder how we can encourage our daughters (and sons) to postpone losing their virginity.

If you lost your virginity 'late' - what made you wait?

OP posts:
CaptainCavemansMummy · 15/04/2006 20:46

I work with a girl who's 26 and just lost her virginity to her husband. Both Christians and believed strongly in no sex before marriage.

Original poster
morningpaper · 15/04/2006 20:47

The religious reasons are an obvious one perhaps - that's why I waited until I was married (although I married very young!). However, I wouldn't want my daughters to avoid sex for those reasons (which are basically unhealthy - and based on guilt).

OP posts:
Donbean · 15/04/2006 20:48

Pride in myself, prizing my virginity as something very important and to be given to someone who means something special to me.
Being single minded and stubborn enough to not feel in the least bit pressured into sleeping with some one, nor to feel stupid or ashamed of still bieng a virgin at 19.
I was absolute in my mind regarding this and nothing would have swayed me in my personal opinion.

Donbean · 15/04/2006 20:49

ps, it was NOTHING religious for me, just a steadfast opinion.

Original poster
morningpaper · 15/04/2006 20:50

Donbean where did that come from? Did your parents contribute to those feelings?

OP posts:
Daisybelle · 15/04/2006 20:50

I waited until I met someone I felt comfortable with, I didn't until I was nearly 19. Is this 'late' tho?

Original poster
morningpaper · 15/04/2006 20:50

I think anything over 16 is late

OP posts:
jofeb04 · 15/04/2006 20:50

I regret the person who i lost my virginity late. I wish i waited a lot later. I was pritty immiture at the time i suppose, didnt think that it made much difference to me (IYKWIM), but now i have a dd/ds, I would want it to be special, someone they trust, not just a mate or someone on a night out etc.

JoolsToo · 15/04/2006 20:50

self-respect

expatinscotland · 15/04/2006 20:51

I waited till I felt emotionally mature enough to handle sex and know that it didn't have to mean marriage. Nothing religious about it. I wanted to make sure I found a man who know what he was doing, loved women and cared about my feelings.

Original poster
morningpaper · 15/04/2006 20:52

expat - how do you know when you are emotionally mature enough? Don't teenagers ALWAYS think they are emotionally mature?!

OP posts:
Donbean · 15/04/2006 20:54

No my parents did not contribute to that opinion although an auntie did. I remember having a conversation with her at age 13/14 about it. We discussed it although i cant remember the details of the conversation it was then that i made my mind up. She is 5 years older than me and is with her childhood sweetheart 20 odd years later, this sounded so so right to me. To be with and remain with the love of your life.

Friends of the same age all had very different views and most couldnt wait to have sex. When i spoke to them about this, their reasons did not make sense to me at all, thereby reinforcing my views.

mcmudda · 15/04/2006 20:55

I was 23 and my first time was on my wedding night with dh who was 26 at the time. He was a virgin too.

I'm a Christian so I believe in being committed to one person for life.

But from a purely emotional point of view it meant I haven't got any regrets or mistakes to knaw at me over time. I have plenty of other regrets and mistakes in my life without having sexual baggage too.

Practically I've never had an STD or been worried about getting pregnant at the wrong time. Every time I've had sex it's been with a man I am head over heels in love with. THere's never any awkwardness afterwards, just a fight for the loo roll Wink

And as for the "but how did you know you were compatible?" chestnut which I'm asked over and over again, I'm in love with dh, I fancy the pants off him and we talk all the time so we can talk about what we like (and don't). Bliss Smile

expatinscotland · 15/04/2006 20:57

MP
I spent a lot of time in France as a teen. The attitude towards sex was far more mature than I encountered in either the US or Britain. I felt ready when I knew I was able to have sex with someone and NOT be completely gutted if it didn't end up in marriage.

In fact, I chose a Frenchman whom I was not involved in a romantic relationship with, but whom I had a strong bond with - ok, he was the son of the family I was living with. :o

It was a terrific, positive experience that I never regretted, even at that age.

mcmudda · 15/04/2006 20:58

And the christian thing is a strong and reasoned conviction - definitely stemming from feelings of guilt in my case.

mcmudda · 15/04/2006 20:58

oops! NOT stemming from feelings of guilt!! Blush

Original poster
morningpaper · 15/04/2006 20:59

hmmm Doctor Freud what do you make of that? Wink

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 15/04/2006 21:01

Oooo, I never felt guilty. I just enjoyed myself! :o

Donbean · 15/04/2006 21:03

I suppose that if it is possible to instill a strong sense of worth and encourage independant thought then it is something that you can do for your children.
A strong moral grounding without guilt, an appreciation for thier opinions and views is again helpful......However, back on planet earth....teenagers are teenagers and will do what they want basically with far more freedom and opportunity than we had.
Its a tough one, and peer pressure means that they are swimming against the tide.

DumbledoresGirl · 15/04/2006 21:10

I waited because I was religious but I don't think my faith would have withstood real attraction in someone. So the bottom line was that I waited because I did not meet anyone I was sufficiently attracted to (except for one man who turned me down as he was training for the priesthood!) until I met my dh.

lact8 · 15/04/2006 21:19

My DD still only a baby but I was thinking the other day I would hate it if she behaved how I did when I was a teenager. I really regret the circumstances under which I lost my virginity Sad I've been trying to think what would've made me behave differently and I think if I'd been getting more attention at home (parents divorcing at the time) then I probably would've waited. I was so desperate to "grow up" and losing my virginity was part of that

Caligula · 15/04/2006 21:26

I didn't meet anyone who I wanted to shag and who wanted to shag me until I was 18. But then when I met someone who wanted to shag me, but I didn't particularly want to shag. However, I shagged him anyway out of curiosity and also I'd recently read an article in a woman's magazine saying that virginity was nothing special and not something men could be bothered with - the underlying message was get rid of it quick because it's a drag. So I did. That message is even stronger today I think, than it was then.

cataloguequeen · 15/04/2006 21:28

I wanted it to be with the right person and at the right time I also wanted it to be a good memory because so many of my friends had bad ones...

My mother always taught me high morals and self respect although she was not a christian during my teenage years... she was a teenage mother with 3 kids by aged 21 and she never hid anything from us(which I really respect her for!) she just asked us not to make the same mistakes/choices she did... make different ones

beartime · 15/04/2006 21:38

Christian for me too.

Rhubarb · 15/04/2006 21:48

Christian and a respect for myself. I grew up in Oldham where lots of girls had one night stands, unwanted pregnancies, abortions or lots of babies with lots of different dads. I thought that sex was actually a bit special, I was also a bit afraid of it.

I'd come close with a couple of knobs who just wanted to get their rocks off with no thought to what I wanted. I wanted to find someone who deserved to have my virginity.

This is what I shall tell my dd, that her virginity is special, it is a gift and something to be treasured and given to the right person. That might sound pathetic to some, but I don't want my girl to become another notch on someone's bed. I want her to respect her body and treat it like the special thing that it is, and to give it to someone who deserves it.