If you waited before losing your virginity ... why?

[morningpaper]

Reading the thread about the Guardian article on sex made me wonder how we can encourage our daughters (and sons) to postpone losing their virginity.

If you lost your virginity 'late' - what made you wait?

I had sex with someone I wanted to, at 16. I really really liked him, I wanted to lose my virginity to him, and I have no regrets. There have been no ramifications from this event in my life.

I am confused as to why not waiting for someone I loved and was really committed to equals a lack of self-respect...can anyone enlighten?

I think I was pretty naive looking back - my mother was VERY very strict and old fashioned - and told me that I must not "get into trouble" and "bring shame" upon the family ! I had the impression that I would get pregnant every time I had sex - so any thoughts I had were rather thwarted !

Did almost do it at 19 with my first serious boyfriend - but we were both too scared -a dn chickened out. Met dh when I was 21 and went on pill immediately and slept with him after just 5 weeks ! We are still together now ! Mother was very wrong - dd took 2 yrs to conceive and number 2 is still proving elusive after almost 6 yrs !

expatin - I said everyone tho' - the spouses included.

Sorry, but I don't see sex outside of marriage as a bad thing. People have been doing it for thousands of years.

Lack of opportunity ie not meeting anyone I fancied enough until I was 19. Dislike the way some people put an emphasis on virginity, talking about it as if it were a precious object. OK, agree with basically a good idea to wait until you meet someone who isn't a complete tosser, but not 'ooh, virginity is something really, really precious and you'll be sorry if you lose it'. Yuck.

This thread is asking a question 'what made you wait' why is it offensive to other people to lose your virginity with some one important to you? why is it offensive to talk about virginity as something precious??Its offensive to wait till you're ready to have sex?...not everyone is the same or feels the same about a subject you have your opinion and others have theirs ..I didn't feel the need to sleep with lots of partners and I have experimented but I did not feel that having a sexual relationship was something I wanted to happen when I met the first decent guy... and you would be sorry if you did lost it to some tosser

I didn't have penetrative sex till I was 18, which is IMO pretty damn late (and was then, too, in the late 1970s) purely because I was afraid of getting pregnant; I waited until I was on the pill.

According to \link{http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,1692199,00.html\this recent poll} this is actually about the average age at which young people are currently having penetrative sex for the first time. Which is interesting; I'd assumed it was lower.

I would be concerned about my daughters having penetrative sex very young, which for me would be at 14 or thereabouts.

Well - how old is too old? I was 34!!! An abusive childhood (including sexual) meant that I was too afraid to get involved with anyone till I met my hubby. He was fantastic, understanding and very patient. No regrets now - we have a three year old and he's chased alot of my demons away - bless him.

I was 24 and it was my wedding night. I had always been very proud that I had waited to give the most special gift I had to give, to my husband. I also waited because, as a Christian, I felt (and feel) that the best place for sex is in marriage.

I was under the impression that my dh had waited until then too. I found out very recently that I wasn't his first and that is still smarting.

It has been scientifically proven that the hormones that cuase you to love when you are 15-16-17 you will never produce to the same extent again ever in your life, it is not physically possible. If you beleive that life is for experience THAT is the time to experice sex.
If you belive that life is about anticipation, wait. you'll not know what you've not experienced

oh cadbury that is crap! poor you! hope he has done some mega groveling

cataloguequeen agree with you probably a good idea to have sex with someone decent. Was just saying I dislike the way virginity is turned into an object of veneration in some discussions. Sorry but all this talk of it as a precious gift makes me shudder.

I think the shuddering is because it's part of the whole Madonna/Whore complex - that a virgin is venerated and someone who has had sex has lost some special status.

Nutty dont oyu think that not seeing t he bloke ever again is GOOD htoguh
so you can be really crap and never have to face him again
it hink that is the BEST way to do it

he has chapsmum, but him lying to me for the past 8 years has made a big dent in our marriage. It's going to take me a long time to trust him again.

whilst i feel sorry to youcadbury
d o oyu really htink htta is the ""Greatest gift oyu have to give"

relly?
isnt kindness or charity or pateience or unconditional love more worthy of that title?

cod, all of those things were things to strive for in our relationship. My virginity was something I had kept especially for him (at the risk of sounding sickeningly sweet) as my wedding gift to him.

its dos sound a bit mills an boon!

i know. I can never explain myself very well (especially when its an emotional issue for me) so fall back on cliches for the words but I hope you catch my drift.

Unfortunately I come from a culture where virginity is still a very important value to get into a good marriage. Although I don't find virginity that special, some of my friends lost it with their boyfriends of years just to be left a week after that. So, I decided to wait until I found somebody that I could trust not to do that to me and who didn't considered virginity important. It took me sometime to find him though, hence the late start

...and obviously, I have not finished reading the thread...

lol so romance is dead???

i was 18 when i lost mine, tho i waited till i was married- i don't think it was late tho. anyway, i did wait first for religious reasons, however, even if it wasn't for religion, i had grown up with only brothers. hearing the way they and friends of mine talked about the girls that were 'had' as 'easy' and the lack of respect they showed them was more than enough to know that any guy who wanted sex with me, was for purely their own pleasure. i felt disgusted that someone just wanted my body to relief themselves with. and i would expect that any guy that wanted to bed me as a virgin, must also be a virgin. i hated this thing that women should be virgins and guys can go sow their wild oats everywhere and no one giving a damn about. i wasn't having none of that. why is it that there are so many terms used for girls that don't wait for marriage before having sex yet i've never heard a guy describe with anything similar. all this influenced my decision. plus i thought it was disgusting not sure what but do remember the thought used to make me grimice (sp)

lol know what you mean about madonna/whore complex...

teenage mother/Catholic school (and I wasn't even Catholic but it rubs off!!)

I don't venerate but I don't ridicule either...