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Original poster

If you waited before losing your virginity ... why?

111 replies

morningpaper · 15/04/2006 20:43

Reading the thread about the Guardian article on sex made me wonder how we can encourage our daughters (and sons) to postpone losing their virginity.

If you lost your virginity 'late' - what made you wait?

OP posts:
TheBlonde · 16/04/2006 23:20

Yep, not sure if she knows or not though!!

Chandra · 16/04/2006 23:42

I also find the idea of virginity "being a gift" very offensive, there is far more in a woman than a little membrane.

expatinscotland · 16/04/2006 23:45

i don't ever recall when my hymen tore, b/c i studied dance for so long i'm sure it was long gone by the time i lost my virginity. it didn't hurt, that's for sure, but i also chose someone experienced.

Oblomov · 16/04/2006 23:59

I was 20.
Can assocaite with Edam's post.
Wasn't really a choice.
Had a couple of crap offers for one night stands.
I wanted it to be atleast ...nice...with someone who atleast MAY want to see me again.
As it was, after all that, first time wasn't that great and he was a bit of a tosser..so....thats a bit ironic, I suppose !!

But I am a bit surprised by people finding it 'offensive' to be descibed as a gift.
I don't see it as a huge 'gift'.
But I do see it as important.
Ideally , your first experience of sex should be nice, special.

You do hear some horrific stories of first experiences, don't you?
I suppose I should be grateful that mine was...'o.k.' !

Chandra · 17/04/2006 21:26

OK, I find it offensive to think of virginity as a big gift for a man. Now, seen as a gift to myself, that's fine, and that's what it was Grin
oh selfish me!

Rhubarb · 17/04/2006 21:31

I agree. It was my gift and who says you have to give it to a man anyway? I'm proud that this is the way I saw it and I'm a staunch feminist. Feminism means being free to express yourself in any way you want, not being held back by the constraints of society, so if women want to be domestic godesses, that is up to them. Same with virginity, I see it as a gift, that is my choice. Being a woman is a gift, being able to bear children is a gift.

Hope this is acceptable!

Flamesparrow · 17/04/2006 21:38

Not read whole of thread, just responding to original question.

I was 18 (is that late??). I would have done at 17, but I was lucky enough to have a boyfriend (sort of, we'd broken up and kept having interesting one nights Wink) who respected me... he said he wasn't going to sleep with me when we weren't a proper couple and wouldn't be again. He was hot though... I really wanted to WinkGrin.

I had always said that I wanted it to be with someone who felt "right" and that I had always half liked the idea of waiting until marriage - not religion, for the logical reason that if they were bad, I'd never know what I was missing GrinBlush.

I then met a lovely guy. We were friends for a few months, grew close, and I finally agreed to be his girlfriend. We waited a whole month Blush, and it just felt right. Nearly 7 years on, and 2 children later... it still feels right. I am glad both that I waited, and that he is my only one. (Guess I got my way with not knowing if he's good or not Grin)

MrsWood · 17/04/2006 22:04

Had to wait till I finished school as I knew my parents would kick the living daylights out of me and my mum always used to say that falling pg whilst in school would mean losing my friends as I'd have to miss a year and so on... Kind of scared me, and so I waited. Glad I did, my dh waited too, for different reasons though.

Caligula · 18/04/2006 22:19

MP I'm definitely going to remember your advice to give my DD! Grin

Flamesparrow · 19/04/2006 11:56

MP - That is the best advice ever!!!

I think the thing that would have put me off most would have been if my mum had bothered to mention that the women in our family are cross bred with rabbits! She didn't bother to mention it until after I fell pregnant with DD the one and only time I did anything without being on the pill. Luckily I was sort of wanting babies anyway Wink. If I'd known though, I would have been too bloody scared to even look at a boy!

sharklet · 19/04/2006 14:18

I lost mine at 18. It was late in comparison with lots of my freinds, but I never felt any peer pressure about it. I just hadn't met anyone I wanted to sleep with enough to do it. I never saw it as some great gift, but I did see that it was somethign which I wanted to be a wonderful expereince the first time I had sex. Like Expat I chose someone experienced who I wasn't in love with but had a great relationship, trusted and lots of respect for and I enjoyed myself. We ended up dating for a few years.

Waiting until later had nothing to do with religion or guilt or pushy parents. In fact quite the opposite. My folks were always very open about sex and the like. When I went on holiday with my best freind aged 14 my mum bought me a huge packet of condoms so I would practice safe sex. I nearly died when she asked me at the top of her voice in Tesco's if I wanted ribbed or regular.

I had lots of offers, and ended up in a few touch and go situations where I had to put my foot down and say no it wasn't what I wanted. And in truth I knew I didn't want someone to want me just for sex, but for me. So if I said no and they took the hump they weren't the man for me anyway.

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