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Trolls: long and serious (sorry!)

59 replies

marthamoo · 02/01/2004 14:45

OK, this has been bothering me for a while now and I've ummed and aahed about whether to post or not..so here goes.

There seem to have been quite a few troll accusations levelled at new posters recently, some made by people who have hidden their identities in order to make the accusation. I don't know whether the original posters were really trolls, and that's the point really, NO-ONE does, not for sure. Troll is a euphemism for calling someone a liar - would a person actually call someone a liar to their face IRL if they doubted their story? I know I wouldn't.

The reason this matters so much to me at the moment is because just before Christmas something very tragic (can't go into details) happened to the husband of a woman my dh knows. The very next day she gave birth to her first baby. My dh (much to my surprise, as he moans like mad about the amount of time I spend on MN) asked a mutual friend to tell her about Mumsnet, as he felt the support of other online Mums might be of help to her. To my knowledge, she hasn't posted, and to be completely honest, I'm relieved. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel if she had posted, as a new member, with a story that sounds like something out of Take a Break or Chat My Real Life Tragedy but in fact is TRUE, I think it's quite likely she would have been accused of being a troll. How devastating for someone in real need, and emotional distress, to be accused of making up stories.

I do know trolls can cause real upset. A poster on a site I used to frequent caused a lot of upset to many vulnerable people by posting about the death of her child, under the most horrific circumstances. But when it all came out, the poster HAD lost a child, not in the circumstances she described, but she was obviously someone who did need help, she sadly chose a destructive way of looking for it.

I'd just like to sound a note of caution - if you suspect someone of being a troll (and I'm neither naive or gullible - I know they're out there) surely it's better to give them the benefit of the doubt? And if you can't find it in yourself to do that then just don't respond. Surely a real troll is looking for a reaction - lack of interest is likely to send them off to new pastures.

Right, public service announcement over, I'll get off my soapbox now. I just really felt I needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:
SHIREENSMOM · 03/01/2004 16:08

i am a fairly new mn and i had to change my name beacause i got called a troll just because i asked for lots of advice i had a lot of problems but everyone here helped me sort them out so im not a troll and i used to be nikki19 so there

Chinchilla · 03/01/2004 16:16

I have to add something here. I personally think that it is usually obvious who is posting maliciously. In those instances, I have been known to say something. I accept that new MNers may start a sexual thread on their first posting, but most don't.

Also, I have to disagree with you Mardy, because I do think that the wording used in the pillow thread was unnecessary, and more the way a man would think. I am not a prude, and did not comment, but I do think that the poster was some sad man w*nking at the thought of all us mums giving their men a finger up the bum. Sorry.

Anyway, welcome to MN.

crystaltips · 03/01/2004 16:30

OK Mumsnetters .... here is OUR New Year's Resolution
.... If we suspect a Troll - Just IGNORE.
Our responses only fan the flames of the attention they are seeking
Therefore - the less said by us ( the valid MNrs ) the better.
And lets hope that 2004 brings us "Peaceful Posting"

elena2 · 03/01/2004 16:33

I agree with Chinchilla, I'm pretty broadminded, but the way that post was worded did not, IMO, sound like a 'woman' on her first post to Mumsnet. It sounded slightly perverted, and obviously made a lot of people uncomfortable.

I certainly didn't think anyone's reaction was 'prudish and slightly hysterical'. TBH, that comment sounds like the sort of thing a bloke might say, too. Sorry Mardy.

handlemecarefully · 03/01/2004 21:21

I agree Marthamoo - if you genuinely suspect that someone is a troll the best thing to do is keep your counsel and not reply to their posts, rather than make an accusation which may be unfounded

jasper · 03/01/2004 22:12

Mardy, I agree with you about the ttc thread. I was not shocked/suspicious and I AM a bit of a prude.Work that one out

I know a couple of women who are EXTREMELY frank about that kind of thing and just assumed it was someone of that ilk.

Paula71 · 03/01/2004 22:13

Hmmm,interesting. I hope there aren't too many as I have just recommended this site to a friend who lives in Germany (forces) and is having a hellish time with her month old baby. I told her people on hear would be able to advise, comfort etc.

And as for punctuation etc. I shall now concentrate more on spelling etc. rather than doing this and watching tv, talking to DH too as that rather ruins my train of thought (which was destroyed as is during pregnancy and never recovered!)

popsycal · 04/01/2004 16:46

I am with cyrstaltips

popsycal · 04/01/2004 16:46

oops -can't type//

Tinker · 04/01/2004 17:42

Well, I just had to go and read the posts in question after this thread. Not sure what I would have thought if I'd read them at the time though. Agree that some people are just frank. Isn't this just the kind of thing that would be published in Cosmo?

Rhubarb · 05/01/2004 13:41

You do have to be careful though. There was a thread before Christmas by someone who hadn't had sex with his wife for 6 years (he said) and we all gave advice and so on. Then it transpired that his posts were full of inconsistences which led a few Mumsnetters to out him as a troll. To be fair this man did come back and protest his innocence, and to this day I still don't know if his story is genuine or not. I felt annoyed at the time that my advice and experiences might also be fuelling someone's sick fantasy, but then I realised that perhaps it was partly my fault for being so open. Besides, he still may not be a troll. There is a fine line, but that's just life. Sometimes it's obvious who is a troll and sometimes it isn't. I would say, if in doubt then go to the Mumsnet moderators. However perverted trolls should be outed and I would gladly do it myself.

There is a difference between someone who is seeking attention and a pervert. I don't think Mumsnetters are insensitive and from what I have seen, many so called trolls are given the benefit of doubt. The real problem here lies with the troll and not us, if there were no trolls there would be no problem. But once bitten twice shy and you can't really blame Mumsnetters for being ultra cautious in the light of certain trolls.

M2T · 05/01/2004 13:58

Totally agree Marthamoo!

I have seen some accusations that have just sounded like hysteria and paranoia! So sad and disappointing, but so are those who Troll.

There have been some very disturbing Troll posts about using harnesses on children and stuff like that.... very sick! And in those cases most people spot it. But it's best to just mail Tech to have the thread removed.

aloha · 05/01/2004 14:27

Re the harnesses posts - I did email tech, but Mumsnet being the small organisation it is, they responded quickly but not instantly so the thread was still up and running and I really felt it was my duty to warn people not to feed this person's sick fantasies with their kind advice.

Roscoe · 05/01/2004 14:40

Just a quick question. If we spot a malicious or pervy troll do we e-mail MN, tech, or both? (No I haven't spotted any recently. I was just wondering.)

M2T · 05/01/2004 15:11

MN and Tech are the one and the same aren't they?

fio2 · 05/01/2004 15:43

I agree marthamoo. I have been accused of being a troll on another site! cant think why! And thanks alot you lot, I just HAD to read that ttc thread and now feel quite sick

sorry shireensmom, I thought you were a troll too when you posted as niki, so a very grovelly sorry from me

Lou33 · 05/01/2004 16:04

Moderator hat on here . Any suspicious posts should go to [email protected] , not tech.

Hat off now.

Roscoe · 05/01/2004 16:32

Thanks, Lou.

SHIREENSMOM · 05/01/2004 17:43

fio 2 can i sak why you thought i was a troll

SHIREENSMOM · 05/01/2004 17:44

what doies ttc thread mean

StressyHead · 05/01/2004 17:45

message withdrawn

fio2 · 05/01/2004 17:47

i really dont know shireensmom, sorry. I am just stupid. I mean nothing you wrote compared to what i read today at all. I have been accussed of being a troll aswell so i know its not nice. Sorry again

SHIREENSMOM · 05/01/2004 17:49

thats ok i just wondered thats all. i dint have much familt or friend so this site is a godsebd and your all wonderfull

SHIREENSMOM · 05/01/2004 17:49

i cant spell today

SHIREENSMOM · 05/01/2004 17:55

i cant find that thread

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