Autism...?

[Hawkmoon269]

It's very important that I start by saying that I'm not trying to upset anyone or cause any offence. Please don't read anything into my question that's not there!

But aibu to not understand why so many people on mn seem to have children who are autistic or on the autistic spectrum?

I have 2 (young) children. One is at a large state primary school. Neither have any friends or classmates who are autistic. None of our family friends are. None of my dc's friend's siblings are. We go to lots of groups (all inclusive things ) and no autistic children (or siblings that I know of). In my student days I nannied for a boy with aspergers. That's it - my sum total of people I know/ have met with children affected.

I've met lots of children with other sn, but it feels like on mn every other poster has a child on the autistic spectrum.

As I understand it, the definition isn't too clear with very high functioning autism (ie people "on the scale" but only just. That was my understanding from about 10 years ago - I'm sure research has moved on since then!

Anyway, not trying to be controversial - just genuinely curious. What do you think?

Sorry i havn't read all the posts but in answer to OP's question:

I'm sure there are autistic children in your dc's school, how would you know if they had it or not? (children with ASD dont look any different do they?). Both my dd's have ASD, we dont tell everyone that dd1 has AS and quite often people that i do tell are shocked, dd2's ASD is more obvious, most kids with dd2's problems would be in sn school but dd2 goes to ms and all her class mates know she has ASD where as dd1's class mates do not know she has AS. I have just found out that one of dd1's friends is also on the spectrum but i would never have guessed (even though i already have dc's on the spectrum).

More and more children are being diagnosed which could be due to people being more educated in autism or it maybe due to other things (such as the MMR although there is no proof of this).

That was not what I meant at all Amberleaf. But I am sure you will take it any way you wish, as of course you are entitled to.

I really am going out now.

Ok enjoy your day.

Don't see any other way that your comment was meant though? You'd 'smoothed' things over and then along came me with my post. That makes sense fair enough and all that. But you can't speak for everyone you know.

I think that's what Pagwatch and I both said, that we were responding as individuals.
Are you furious with Hawkmoon, or more with the MN attitude to other more targeted attacks on SN, left to stand in order to educate?

How on easrth can you say that your nephew rarely gets unkind comments and then say that he gets called SPAZ very often? Really? So, being called a spaz isn't unkind? It is. It is soul destroying.

I just don't know how those two things stack up in your brain.

I apologise if you feel I've been harsh. But this is my life. You can educate yourself and when you've had enough, you can hit the 'off' switch. I don't have an 'off' switch. This is it. 24/7. And, yes, in the game of 'shit life top trumps' I win.

I am not saying this to piss you off. I am sure you are a nice person who isn't meaning to cause offense. I do, acutally, buy that. I'm saying it because I (and, like every other poster here, I can only speak for myself) find it so hard to deal with.

I don't want strangers coming up to me in the street to ask me what is wrong with my son. None of their business. Stare if you want. Says more about you than it does about me. If you don't think Spaz is an unkind comment, then I don't think anything I say here - however I suger coat it - will help.

Again, apologies if I've been rude. I'm a bit protective of my DS.

I think worrywort already had second thoughts about the intensity of her initial response and said so.

Hi worrywort!

Hi Fallen,

Yes, I apologise for my post.

I just get a bit over emotional.

Hawk, EVERY DAY I have to defend my Ds against ignorance. EVERY DAY I go out.

Given our experience it would be downright dangerous to assume the best intentions from people, because slip your guard for just one second and all hell breaks loose!

We all do worrywort.

We are currently tiptoeing through the minefield that is Young Women With Intentions.
It would be a lot more amusing if the potential for disaster wan't so huge.

People searching for help and advice about special needs get directed to this site. scroll down there's a link to MN on this directgov page

the link takes you to the MN SEN board

Do you think they'll have to reconsider if the response is a continuous Fuck Off?

Actually, that's not good. The SN boards are opt in to try and reduce trolling and such.

Fallen. I wouldn't say I'm furious with anyone really. Its all so predictable that I can't get that worked up over it.

Its just tiring.

I thought hawkmoons reply to worrywort was awful though. 'Shit life Top trumps' was just so mean.

The whole 'educate' thing does get on my nerves though because for all the educating a say 15 page thread will do we have to hear such horrible stuff personally I don't think its worth it. The sort of people who are open to being educated are not the ones we have to worry about.

I have read most of the thread.

I have been in the past very defensive of ds having ASD both here and in RL.

I mention him having ASD on many threads I am on because it is relevant to almost everything I post. My every day life is pretty much consumed by ds's ASD. I do think though OP that there was just a little bit of unpleasantness behind that question on your part and if you haven't sat at your computer screen and thought "well whats THAT got to do with anything?" when someone has mentioned it, then I'll eat MY hat .

As for meeting other kids with ASD in RL, I didn't even know my OWN child had it. I can honestly say that it being suggested to me was the biggest shock of my life. He has High Functioning Autism, Dyspraxia, Sensory Processing Disorder and Hypermobility. I didn't know he had any of these things. Now though I can spot a child with ASD a mile off. Even on here people will write about their kids and I really have to sit on my hands so as not to type "have you considered that he/she may have ASD?".

I don't mind people asking me and the same as on here I will volunteer the information in RL when ds is struggling. Even in a restaurant when a waiter asks him something and he ignores him I will say "please don't think he is being rude, he has autism and he won't talk to anyone but me". Do you know why? Because my ds has it tough, so so tough, he always will and if I can aleviate that even in the tiniest way and get some understanding for him then I will. I have never been met with an unsympathetic response. Not once. I have always had smiles and people generally ask more questions about it. I like that (as long as ds is not actually melting down at the time!).

In Mothercare last week ds was shuffling papers belonging to the shop around on the counter. I was looking at something with dd. I heard the young lad who was working there ask him to stop and ds obviously didn't hear it so ignored him. I explained why ds was ignoring him and this young lad, probably about 17, started asking questions and we ended up talking for about 15 minutes. He told me he had never even heard of it and was glad I had told him.

So thats why I like to mention it and like people to know because there are probably about 50 people since ds was diagnosed who now know more about it and will consider it in the future when dealing with a child that they might just dismiss as awkward, difficult, tantrumming, badly behaved etc.

Sorry this was so long.

aka thank you for your post. All I meant about people mentioning asd on threads was that it seemed like there are a lot of mners with asd children. Not that I don't want them to mention it. Or feel in any way annoyed.

My question has been answered by other posters pretty much.

And worry... You read my post and thought it was ok for my nephew (or anyone) to be called spaz? Then I give up. Right after I report your post(s)

What are you talking about Hawkmoon?
worry wrote

'How on easrth can you say that your nephew rarely gets unkind comments and then say that he gets called SPAZ very often? Really? So, being called a spaz isn't unkind? It is. It is soul destroying'

How on earth can you read that as her approving of the insult?

Hawk

you really are spoiling for a fight aren't you?

i thought you were one of the good guys, you know...but now am not so sure

spaz and retard are two of the words that parents from the sn boards always challenge when they are used here.

aka your attitude to other people's ignorance is fantastic. Thinking of your mothercare eg. Thank you for your patience and common sense!

Mumsnet is recommended as a source of support and advice on the National Autistic Societies website.

It's worrying though. I mean the amount of ignorant trolls around here who are quite vile to people with kids who have SN.... and it's allowed to stand by HQ as education. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone with a new dx, I know I was far too vulnerable.

Yes now I am pithy and sarcastic. If you wonder why it's because I don't ever dare let my guard down. Been called a scrounger too many times for that by people who know nothing about my life.

haha Hawk go ahead and report me.

Here, I'll write it for you:

Dear, MN.

I wrote a completely insensitive and thoughless post about SN children. Then took offence when others didn't like what I'd written.

In particular, worry was mean to me (boo) and pointed out a blatent inconsistency in my story. I think I've covered that one by blaming her (YEAH ME) Can you please ban her and her children from my life (which is otherwise perfectly pleasant)

Love, Hawk.

p.s. I am dead interested in autism, as long as I don't actually have to, you know, deal with them. Cos they're a bit odd, aren't they.

There you go. That should do it.

ANything else I can help you with?

And, no I do feel big and I don't feel clever, but I do feel the need to stick the fuck up for my child. Anyone who has a problem with that, can PM me.