Autism...?

[Hawkmoon269]

It's very important that I start by saying that I'm not trying to upset anyone or cause any offence. Please don't read anything into my question that's not there!

But aibu to not understand why so many people on mn seem to have children who are autistic or on the autistic spectrum?

I have 2 (young) children. One is at a large state primary school. Neither have any friends or classmates who are autistic. None of our family friends are. None of my dc's friend's siblings are. We go to lots of groups (all inclusive things ) and no autistic children (or siblings that I know of). In my student days I nannied for a boy with aspergers. That's it - my sum total of people I know/ have met with children affected.

I've met lots of children with other sn, but it feels like on mn every other poster has a child on the autistic spectrum.

As I understand it, the definition isn't too clear with very high functioning autism (ie people "on the scale" but only just. That was my understanding from about 10 years ago - I'm sure research has moved on since then!

Anyway, not trying to be controversial - just genuinely curious. What do you think?

unchartered ah, well I don't post much. I read lots (especially during night feeds etc). And sometimes people do ask what the relevance of a child with asd has to an op and they seem to usually get shot down.

I was thinking the EXACT same thing and thinking about posting the same question!

I was thinking it was more to do with sample bias - that maybe people with SN kids naturally come more to a forum to look for support, and then post on other areas of the board so there is a higher % of people with SN kids posting in total?

Amberleaf, I also detected that it was a slightly snarky question

Op , you probably unknowingly know lots of people with autism....i heard/read somewhere that we are all on the spectrum to some degree.

I remember when dd became friends with a girl 'on the spectrum' somewhere .... Both early teens, dd thought the 'new girl' was a bit edgy and cool and they became good friends!

These children can come across differently.

"And sometimes people do ask what the relevance of a child with asd has to an op and they seem to usually get shot down."

This is not at all a neutral innocent question, you clearly have an issue with this.

oh and in regard to a later point you make. the mum of ds1's best friend at his first primary school was very surprised when I told her that DS1 was autistic. it is not always obvious

i don't believe that OP

that people get shot down for asking about ASD

however, they DO (and rightly so) get shot down for making insunuations

I think a parenting forum gives a lot of mums who have children who have autism the opportunity to be "the same" as everyone else. For example they might not go to the park, toddler group, soft play etc if their child is likely to get distressed or have a meltdown. Some children who have autism don't go to mainstream school. But on mumsnet all mums can use it so it looks like there are more mums whose children have autism than there are IRL.

Also on a parenting forum nobody knows if your child is sat beside you licking the wall unless you post about it. So maybe mumsnet is popular with mums of children who have autism because they can be themselves and post about what they enjoy when IRL they will be "Matthew's mum" rather than themselves. I have a child who has physical disabilities and I think there are a lot of children around who have autism and hardly any children who are wheelchair users. My friend has a DD who has autism and thinks it's the other way around.

In my case having a DC with ASD is quite socially isolating, crowded places, parties, restaurants, theme parks etc are all things that DS struggles with, so we don't go out much.

MN is a lifeline to me as well as a way to get to talk to people.

I suppose if you get a high proportion of mums on an Internet forum, then the percentage is a bit more reflective than that of your personal experience, as the audience is wider
It reminds me of a friend of mine who said, 'smoking doesn't harm babies, I smoked all through my pregnancy and mine were fine'

I wouldn't describe mn as a realistic representation of parenting in the UK (majority on mn are in UK I think).

There are some autistic children and others with various SN at my dcs schools however I don't know them (not intentionally, it just hasn't happened).

Mainly I think its more to do with the self selection that tiggy mentioned.

But also I think there is an element of those on mn identifying themselves as parents. There are exceptions obviously. But I find that many of those on mn take the parenting role very seriously, whereas out in the world a lot of people take it less seriously. SN requires extra effort and consideration so I think people whose children have SN strongly identify with parenthood.

(Realise my second point isn't well articulated but I'm struggling to explain it).

There was a thread asking what you had only encountered on MN and there was lots that i don't come across in RL, but hear about on here constantly.

That aside, my friend is struggling with her Autistic child (newly diagnosed) and is reluctant to share that he is Autistic in RL and is having to limit trips out at the moment.

its probably because we're all maKING IT UP FOr attention

in actual fact we are just terrible parents and YOUR kids would never get away with such behaviour

Really?
You see people on here mention that their child has asd for absoloutely no reason. And then someone asks why and that person gets shot down?

I have been here years. I can't think of having seen that once. What a strange state of affairs.

The current estimate is 1 in 64 people have asd. You are living somewhere extraordinary if there really are not any.

DinahMoHum.

Yes I think that's where the OP was hoping this would go!

Were you OP?

Argh - fanjo and amber - I'm not asking anything other than my original question!! And it seems others had the same question.

And several role have offered a good explanation.

unchartered see, even bringing this up has quickly got some unpleasant responses.

Is it not ok to ask these questions? Have I really said anything insulting? Or should anyone with questions about an area of sn that they have little or no experience of just keep quiet rather than try to find out from others who know more?

As mentioned, the SN section is great. People seek out support that they can't find in rl on parenting websites. We don't advertise our children's disabilities in rl, however it's great to have somewhere you can talk openly about it. Does that make sense?

Hi there
This is really an AIBU so we'll move it
Thanks
MNHQ

wow, i never saw anything get moved INTO aibu before

Why are there so many cases of domestic abuse on mn? Probably the same reasons. It's a safeway space to be open.

OP. Are you unhappy that 'people refer to their dc being ASD while posting about unrelated stuff' ?
If that was the intention of the thread, then you would be better saying that from the beginning. Thereby people to whom that would cause offence, could simply stay away

Safe-ish not Safeway...

dinah no. That's just rude and ridiculous.

I've also been posting here for yonks, under this name and a previous one and have not encountered this phenomenon.