Autism...?

[Hawkmoon269]

It's very important that I start by saying that I'm not trying to upset anyone or cause any offence. Please don't read anything into my question that's not there!

But aibu to not understand why so many people on mn seem to have children who are autistic or on the autistic spectrum?

I have 2 (young) children. One is at a large state primary school. Neither have any friends or classmates who are autistic. None of our family friends are. None of my dc's friend's siblings are. We go to lots of groups (all inclusive things ) and no autistic children (or siblings that I know of). In my student days I nannied for a boy with aspergers. That's it - my sum total of people I know/ have met with children affected.

I've met lots of children with other sn, but it feels like on mn every other poster has a child on the autistic spectrum.

As I understand it, the definition isn't too clear with very high functioning autism (ie people "on the scale" but only just. That was my understanding from about 10 years ago - I'm sure research has moved on since then!

Anyway, not trying to be controversial - just genuinely curious. What do you think?

Is it that I am shit scared

Worrywort, you're understandably having a very difficult time at the moment. The OP and others are posting out of blind ignorance and there are a fair few people on the thread who are a bit further from the rawness than you (I'm only an Aunty and worker, so while i feel strongly it just doesn't compare to a parent's feelings iyswim)

Can you trust us to do the educating so you can save your energy for your ds?

PS i've been asked what's wrong with dniece. My answer is "Nothing, however she has autism which means she finds the world hard to understand". I love the flappy mouthedness of the asker while they try and think of a come back, while i stare at them smiling politely :o

Ok worry I get it. My experiences don't count. You have the worst life ever. You win. Congratulations. Am very glad I don't encounter people as vicious as you in rl.

Oh, and most people I know with children with physical disabilities would rather people asked about them than stared. PHYSICAL disabilities.

The main thing I've learned from this thread is to NEVER mention sn ever again. Unless talking to normal rl people who don't can't hide behind the anonymity of the Internet to be foul.

Have a great summer.

Op. I was wondering the same. It seems sometimes that most posters have an asd child. I assumed it was because parents with children with those difficulties are more likely to seek out internet support from other parents with similar experiences.

I hesitate to get involved - I don't have a child with sn, but know plenty of people who do - which makes my experience proximate but certainly not unsympathetic or altogether ignorant. But hawkmoon - I honestly don't get the flounce. What are you so angry about? You have essentially said that parents of ASD kids are trampling all over threads and going on about it all the time; they have explained patiently and carefully (1) that very often in RL they do not wish to disclose their children's diagnoses and that people can be very judgmental and (2) that actually their children's ASD bears on most aspects of their lives, esp if they are commenting on behavior, development etc.

I don't get what your problem is; and I don't get what is problematic about parents talking about their children on a parenting site! I've learned a huge amount from many of the posters on here as I've encountered them on other threads.

Yes purple I am mainly ignorant about autism. So? I wanted to find out. Why is that met with such spite?

I've not read the whole thread yet, but from what I've seen this is another chance to educate someone about special needs, which some posters have taken instead as a chance to massively take offence at imagined slights.

The op was just asking!

rhetorician I didn't say anything of the sort! Of course I have no problem with people mentioning their child's sn. I was just expressing surprise that SO MANY children seem to be autistic.

'I am mainly ignorant about autism. So? I wanted to find out'

That wasn't really how your OP came across though. So some people have reacted more negatively than others to your questions.

Thank you poopoo

You have essentially said that parents of ASD kids are trampling all over threads and going on about it all the time;

Has she? Do correct me if she has actually said that but from what i have read it seems unlikely.

Would you like salt and vinegar on that chip?

Do you also understand what some of us are trying to explain to you about the range within the spectrum?
That you can't spot children with an ASD in the same way you can spot a physical disability, and that you could be passing dozens of people a day that have a dx you don't know about?

That wasn't really how your OP came across though.

It did to me!

fallen yes I do. People have been good enough to explain. And I have taken that on board.

do you still want to know what's 'wrong' with a child though?

do you still want to know what's 'wrong' with a child though?

You can chose to take offence at that if you want, or you could just see it as a poster who hasn't loads of direct experience of special needs using the wrong terminology. The choice is yours. The chip is yours.

But i know which route is likely to scare other people of wanting to learn about special needs in case they encounter your spikey attitude and also likely to give you high blood pressure.

So why do you think you have had such strong, negative reactions from some parents of children on the spectrum?
Do you think they are just being nasty? Was there something in the way you phrased your posts that made them defensive?
What is the nature of the minefield you have wandered into so casually and now never want to go near again?

Asking what's "wrong" isn't a very pc way of putting it. But when I'm out with my nephew that's how children ask. And adults too sometimes. How would you like people to word it?

I agree that that word isn't useful when talking about autism. But I didn't use it in that context.

I had a friend with cf. People asked what was "wrong" with her. She'd say "nothing is wrong with me. But my lungs have cf." Simple. If she was coughing and catching her breath or on oxygen then it was clear that something was "wrong."

But again, my (limited) experience of sn is based on physical disability. I can't and won't apologise for that.

PooPoo i asked that question with a very different agenda to the one you're assuming i have

yes it's offensive to assume a SN is wrong, but since the OP is trying to understand, stop putting words/arguments into my mouth thank you

thanks Hawkmoon

fallen I'm not sure. I think that maybe some parents have had a very hard time and experienced some very upsetting attitudes in rl. So any questions about autism asked by someone without experience is likely to put them on edge.

I do think that some people hide behind the Internet to just be mean. To take their anger out on strangers. Which is a shame because it helps no-one in the long run.

I have already apologised for any offence I may have caused.

I don't think MNs policy helps at all.

This stance that SN hate threads shoukd remain as an opportunity for education makes people me cross before I even get started.

Knowing that upsetting comments will remain kinda makes me want to nip it in the bud and snipe before it happens. I don't think I do it in reality, but I still want to sometimes.

I think a lot of parents have had a very tough experience of responses in RL, and will continue to do so. Which can make them protective, defensive and sometimes misinterpret the reasons behind people's interest.
But to get a response that hurts your feelings and flounce back with OTT comments is less constructive than to think 'Well. that didn't go well. I wonder why? I wonder what I can do next to change it for the better?'
My son is 17 now, so I've had years to try and get my act together. But even after all that experience, sometimes my gameface slips.

Oops!

'But to get a response that hurts your feelings and flounce back with OTT comments is less constructive than to think 'Well. that didn't go well. I wonder why? I wonder what I can do next to change it for the better?''

I meant that for the mundanes asking questions and getting a snappy response from members of the SN community here.

SN hate thread?!?!?!? What? Really?

What on earth have you read on here to think its a sn hate thread?

Is life really that bad that the mere mention of autism by someone without any direct experience of autism makes you think that they're starting a "hate thread"?

This is an eye opener. And really pretty sad.

no-one called this thread a SN hate thread - now who's being snippy?

Star is right, your OP could have gone down that route, but i'm willing to believe it was perhaps a little clumsy, and you've taken on board that parents of child with ASD are being rode rough shod all over the place and are enclined (some might say bound) to be defensive and short at times

many threads have been allowed to stand in the name of 'education' i don't see this as one of those really