Autism...?

[Hawkmoon269]

It's very important that I start by saying that I'm not trying to upset anyone or cause any offence. Please don't read anything into my question that's not there!

But aibu to not understand why so many people on mn seem to have children who are autistic or on the autistic spectrum?

I have 2 (young) children. One is at a large state primary school. Neither have any friends or classmates who are autistic. None of our family friends are. None of my dc's friend's siblings are. We go to lots of groups (all inclusive things ) and no autistic children (or siblings that I know of). In my student days I nannied for a boy with aspergers. That's it - my sum total of people I know/ have met with children affected.

I've met lots of children with other sn, but it feels like on mn every other poster has a child on the autistic spectrum.

As I understand it, the definition isn't too clear with very high functioning autism (ie people "on the scale" but only just. That was my understanding from about 10 years ago - I'm sure research has moved on since then!

Anyway, not trying to be controversial - just genuinely curious. What do you think?

Poo

if what you say is true, isn't that better said on the thread you mention, not dragging it up on here?

it's been said over and over that parents with DC with SN are far more likely to be defensive - why are you poking this thread with a big argumentative stick?

Is it? Im not poking anything but you seem to be.

Are you actually suggesting i go over to her thread and tell everyone there that she is going round picking on other posters to make herself feel better? Don't be ridiculous.

no, i meant about talking about her extended family and 'issues'

I don't think you should bring her other thread into this. Maybe PM her if you think she is doing that.

What happened?

I know that you say that you 'cannot see any other way it was meant' but, whilst I appreciate that is quite a polite way of calling me a liar, it does not actually make it true

No its my way of saying that after your happy post and then my response to various things on the thread that pissed me off and then your 'cries and runs' post I really don't know what else you meant by that.

So instead of being all passive aggresive you could tell me what you meant?

Why on earth you would chose a thread like this to get into a pointless argument with another parent of an autistic child is beyond me but there you go.

Amber. Just to give you an outside perspective...I was following the thread, and it was getting very very heated ( as they do), it had just started to calm down and everyone was more or less being civil to each other when you posted
It was just a matter of timing I guess. And in the throes of a fast moving thread I read pag's post as just referring to the fact that it was about to kick off again
I didn't read it as referring to you particularly, it was just in the context of the way the thread had gone

I guess I just couldn't understand why you pick a snarky, slightly pointless argument with me in the first place.

I was not 'smoothing' things over. I was just trying to post how saw the thread - laden with defensive posts, hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

My post about 'my work here is done' was a joke in response to the previous post. So maybe trying to be non confrontational was not a great idea in the midst of a fight but I genuinely thought there was a point of view that could see where both sides were coming from. It was a bit twee and I felt that straight away. My subsequent post was a 'oh fuck it - of course that isn't likely'

You chose to see it was personal. You chose to see it as aimed at you in spite of my saying it wasn't. You now chose to see everything I post as passive aggressive. You seem actually to be quite enjoying yourself.
There isn't anything I can post that will move you away from your own agenda. I should also point out that would also be incapable of having a pointless argument alone so I am not sure what point you are trying to make there.

But i am tired so I will leave you to it.

Hi mince thanks, yes that really how I read it too.

Heated is the right word and that's how I felt at various things and sorry but I had to respond.

Pagwatch can you really not see why I saw you post immediately after mine that way?

*your

pag I understood

Look, given its me who has largely kicked this off, can I try and explain?

I am not angry. I am tired, exhausted, weary, over sensitive and over emotional. I see insults where perhaps none was intended, but I've learned that that's a much better coping strategy than assuming everyone means well.

The op got to me out of pure insensitivity, and latterly, out of massive inconsistencies.

Speaking as the mother of a SN child, I do not want strangers feeling entitled to ask what's wrong with my child, and I'm pretty sure that would be the same for physical disabilities too.

I apologise to anyone who feels personally offended. I can assure you it's not at all.

Amber wow aren't you pleasant! Really, really lovely person aren't you

FUnnily enough, I quite like amber

I do just love the fact that the op has hidden this thread. Nice to be able to do that. Just hide from stuff you don't like dealing with... you know, like autism. I think I mentioned that, as a mother of a SN, I don't get to do that. There is no off button in my life.

So, once again, apologies for having offended anyone (and thankyou to MN for officiating said bun flight!!) but I maintain that the op was insensitive, and her replies inconsistent and contradictary.

I think this crass OP has upset several of us, unnecessarily, but I don't believe intentionally.

I do believe I may have been a tiny bit upset about it

I don't think anyone noticed though.

I couldn't tell.

It's not common knowledge that my ds is autistic

Thank you Worrywort

This thread has made me I worry for my ds future and him being isolates by ignorant people because of his differences. There really are people out there who would do this

Mama - I worry every day (the name is a bit of a give away, I grant you). But what parent doesn't worry for their child's future. Just because our children aren't NT doesn't make it worse. Or better... Just different.

How old is your little boy?

Of the 689,300 children in the UK with either a Statement of Special Educational Need or School action plus, just under 10% will have an ASD.

So 66,000 children have ASD which requires educational support from outside agencies in school.

24445 primary
22570 secondary
19185 special school Source: Dfes Statistics

The isolation that comes from having a child who has SN which makes social life hard for them (whether that be ASD, Severe Learning Difficulties, Moderate Learning Difficulties, Pervasive Developmental Disorders) is so crushing. Really, it is.

DD1 loves people. But she can't understand the social rules of life. She tries, oh she tries. But life is difficult for her.

By 7.30 yesterday morning, she was in full meltdown because she didn't understand why everything was different.

Autism is a hidden disability. So hidden, in fact, that it is sometimes excrutiatingly difficult to get anyone to listen.

DD1 doesn't have an ASD diagnosis. But she does have SN. I knew she did. I knew there was something 'wrong'. I raised concerns regularly, and specifically at her 8 month check. I raised concern again at 12 months, 15 months....it took until she started preschool at 2½ for someone to say 'DD1 is a bit behind.'

You think????

I think the point is the OP doesn't think. Well, not outside her own little perfect world box.

The rest of us pretty much know what you mean.

Ironically, I wouldn't swap my SN child for all the tea in china. I am his mummy. I will always be his mummy. I am a stroger person because of it. People like Hawk can do their best to bring me (and mums like me) down. But they will never succeed. And the more they try, the more sure I am that it will never happen.

There are lots of mums who can empathise and be kind. YOu don't have to listen to the nasty ones.

Do you think Hawkmoon's trying to bring you down as an active target?

I think it's perhaps a matter of perspective, she sees herself as kind and tolerant and a good person, and others see her as patronising and lacking in empathy.
Happens quite often. Sometimes it's possible to find the middle ground, sometimes not.