Would I be a terrible woman if i advise my DD's to act in a way so they are less likely to be assaulted.

[Rubytuesdayy]

With respect to lit streets, chaste clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc? Or would I be victim blaming prior to teh event. I KNOW that rape is the fault of the rapists, but I just want my DD's to be safe.

I think the most important thing is teachng them to hold themselves confidently, walk confodently and have the guts to listen to their instincts...as well as the guts to ignore or avoid people who attempt to engage them when such an engagement is suspicious.

Their manners in ther words should never trump their self preservation.

I think it's good that this is being talked about.

I think it is massively unfair to just say "you need to look at rape myths".

No one here thinks it's anyone's fault except the wanker rapist twat's.

Do you have sons OP? Because you should focus on teaching them to respect boundaries.

when I was younger it was always the same friends who attracted the most sinister attention (and had the most sinister things happen to them, more than once)

IMO they did NOT ask for it one bit

HOWEVER sinister predators have, IMO, vulnerable types that they go for.

One common theme seemed to be it being the ones that were scared to call their parents for help before things escalated (because they weren't supposed to be at the location they were at or with the people they were with, or out at ALL, or wearing what they were wearing and had changed after their parents saw them leave, or because they were drunk and didn't want their parents to know).

IMO just being drunk was a factor but not the biggest one, the biggest risk IMO is being drunk and being more scared of going home to your parents in that state than going back to a strange flat with an odd pushy man!

• I think "those" men can sense which drunk girls aren't afraid of the consequences of shouting and calling their parents, and which ones don't "feel their fear" and trust it because they are too busy fearing what'll happen if they call their parents and have to fess up to what had happened up to that point in the night!

I really hope that doesn't sound like victim blaming, I really don't feel it is I don't think being vulnerable = "asking for it" or deserving of anything bad. I just think that vulnerable = attractive to the wrong sort

It is hard, Morris. These attitudes are well ingrained. Women have been ornaments for a very long time, and rape is not taken as seriously as it deserves to be. I strongly believe that we have to educate our children about body autonomy, and the right to it.

Sadly I think it's more a case of realistically accepting the threats over what we wish life were like for our children.

I danced in a short skirt walked home in a long coat, only wore shoes I could run in, with metal heels capable of real damage.

Often walked home alone, but little market town.

I do have a dd and no I won't teach her to live her life in fear.

So who is telling their sons on how to avoid being raped?

My DDs have already seen me chase a pevert down the road. And he ran.
This is despite him being only about 45 and fit and strong looking. The reason he ran was my intention...he could see I wasn't pssing about and if I had caught him, he would have been damaged.

This is born of confidence and an ability to detach....of course he was bigger and stronger than me...but my self belief in terms of my own abiity to defend myself is huge.

I felt that this was an excellent thing for them to see...I wont go into th details of what happened...it wasn't TOO traumatic but had I been the shy retiring type it may have been.

Wouldn't it be more prudent to ask who's teaching their sons not to rape, Blackoutsun?

I've already asked yellow

I taught both of my children all I knew about keeping safe when out and about, how to spot trouble coming and avoid it, being in a group, safe choices about getting to and from locations. Yes, rapists are often known to the victim before an attack.
They are 17 and 21 now, DD at uni.
It's a lifeskill, yes rape is always the fault of the rapist but it's little comfort. I'd never blame my DD or any other victim of rape, but I'd do everything I could think of to minimise the danger.

"Please don't tell girls that this will prevent them being raped because it won't"

I have to disagree with that. A drunken female walking alone is a much easier target for a rapist. Even more so if she is wearing minimal clothing and high heels.

The heels alert a lurking rapist to her approach. The sound of her footsteps are often a giveway if she isnt too steady on her feet. Her wits are less likely to be with her if she is pissed, and rather than be alert to danger, drink gives you an air of misplaced confidence quite often.

Tight clothes and heels are much more difficult to run or walk quickly in.

Most stranger rapists are opportunists. Many will notice the woman leaving a pub or club alone and might follow her.

No woman deserves or asks to be raped, but it is common sense to look after your own personal safety and do what you can to avoid putting yourself into a situation where a rapist could be more likely to target you.

We all want the best for our children and for them to stay safe. Can't see what there is to disagree about. I've told my son and daughter, stay with friends, don't take a lift from a friend who has had too much to drink, in fact persuade them not to drive. Stay with the crowd, don't go off of your own. Don't drink too much. And so on.

Me. I will teach my sons not to rape. I will teach them that sex is not a right, that they don't 'deserve' to have sex with anyone, that a woman doesn't have to be fighting back or screaming for it to be rape. That a woman's body belongs to her, and she can give or not give her permission to engage in sexual activities as she sees fit.

That's good, Chicken.

I suppose no one wants to think of their children growing up to do that. But they obviously ARE doing it, and I think it comes from misplaced entitlement.

think the poster asked who would teach their sons to AVOID being raped themselves Chickens.

I agree with you but I got a lot of hassle on the relationships board for saying this - including having posts deleted!

You are only at risk if there is a rapist about. You can be pissed as a fart and not be raped if there isn't a rapist around

That's very true BlackOut and I don't see that anyone is disagreeing.

I cover the alcohol thing with boys and girls, as it is relevant to both. Ditto the staying with other people etc.

But the "chaste" clothes? High heels being difficult to run in is not what the OP was saying, is it?

Did the 'we believe you' campaign actually happen? Or was it just a dream?

banana, I don't see anyone saying it's the fault of the victim.

It's certainly not what I believe.

Blackout, my son has AS and is more likely to be a victim of mugging not rape. I've taught both of them about treating others with respect and consensual contact.
They have continues to be respectful with those they know and have a circle of friends of both sexes for whom this is common practice.
How old is your DD?

Bumblery you were deleted for rape myths

don't disagree with that either BlackOut

but then once they are there they choose a victim, or are opportunist and happen upon a situation they can take advantage of etc