Would I be a terrible woman if i advise my DD's to act in a way so they are less likely to be assaulted.

[Rubytuesdayy]

With respect to lit streets, chaste clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc? Or would I be victim blaming prior to teh event. I KNOW that rape is the fault of the rapists, but I just want my DD's to be safe.

Yes mrsjay and that said alot?

But that isn't reducing the odd is it

OK. I find it interesting that a word which has a very clear meaning, and one which is very relevant to sexual activity, has been interpreted in a completely different way by some posters to detract from its original use.

So people seem to be arguing that chaste doesn't mean refraining from sexual intercourse, it means being able to run away from a potential attacker.

So, yes, I suppose it is semantics. But worth "quibbling" over I think, given the whole "asking for it" myth.

Oh, and x post with squeakytoy. Illustrating it rather well there.

"leading them very clearly to believe that they are up for sex,"
and even if they WERE 100% up for sex and went out looking for it, they can change their mind at any point, I don't agree that you can't test the waters and flirt unless you are 100% commiting to "see it through" from the start!

This thread was started as I am obviously concerned for my DD's and in turmoil about not perpetuating rape myths, being a rape apologiser etc. Surely reacting with sacasm and snippiness and calling an unknown faction of posters gobshites is a completely crap way to help someone out, and edify?
it saddens me so I'm boughing out.

Cherie, I agree, but boys and men also need to be educated that just because a woman is flirting, not to think she is inviting sex, and to be absolutely damn sure that she is inviting it before taking things further.

Thank you mrsterrypratchet and Mmmm

I also agree with Yellowraincoat about rapist finding all sorts of e cuses for their behaviour. I know when I tried to confront mine the following day he tried to make light of it, avoided direct answers and never admitted there had been sex, but didnt deny it either. I knew it had happened even if I couldnt remember. I found his arrogance revolting and infuriating.

Get your dds to read "The Gift of Fear" (or at least the first few chapters) it is a brilliant book about personal safety (both in relation to people women know and they don't).

I agree with what yellowraincoat just said.

I was raped by my partner of several years in my own bed after I had specifically told him I didn't want to have sex with him that night.

Sure, all teenagers should be told how to keep themselves safe at night, including all the various sensible things people have said on this thread. It's always good to be careful, for everyone. But a very high percentage of rapes and murders of women are committed by their partners and husbands. I wish I could tell you how to protect your daughter from that but I don't know.

And I don't know about anyone else but I am pretty certain I would never be able to outrun 90% of potential male attackers, no matter what shoes I was wearing - I'm 5 ft 2 and not an athlete! More able than if I was wearing stilettos I guess, but I wouldn't fancy my chances.

Op I suggested you look up rape myths which I still recommend

Yellow I think your post of 23:53 is spot on

I agree with everything you say

I would go for the safety side of things, whilst also making them understand in some gentle way that rape is never the victim's fault.

Understanding the rape myths is important, the rest is just common sense for everyone surely.

'Cherie, I agree, but boys and men also need to be educated that just because a woman is flirting, not to think she is inviting sex, and to be absolutely damn sure that she is inviting it before taking things further.'

Absolutely agree, that goes with not thinking that touching is OK either.

'Cherie, I agree, but boys and men also need to be educated that just because a woman is flirting, not to think she is inviting sex, and to be absolutely damn sure that she is inviting it before taking things furthe"

wasn't that what I said?

I know that the official figures are "only" 20% of rapes are by strangers, but I honestly believe that those are not true figures.

I know of many women who let rape go unreported, because they know they couldnt identify the attacker, because they are too ashamed, because they dont want their family to know.

Prostitutes get raped by strangers regularly and rarely report it. They see it as a risk that goes with the territory. :(

By the same token of "you are only at risk if you are near/with a rapist", when tackling the danger of rape by a stranger, there is very little that any campaign could do, because a rapist is not going to see this campaign and think "oh that is me, I mustnt do it again".

Personally, my choice is to do what I can to protect myself, not to put myself at more risk than is necessary, and lessen the chances that I might be a target for a rapist. I would prefer that than be raped as I would find little solace in being told "it wasnt your fault".

So is the OP going to advise her DD never to have any male friends or partners? Because most women victims are raped by men they know.

OP, YANBU to want to protect your daughter, and I expect I will struggle with this too if I ever have a daughter. But this sort of thing fuels the idea that rape is something to do with women's behaviour and that it's preventable. I suspect that we like to think we could prevent it from happening to us, or to anyone we love, because it's just too scary to admit that it can happen to anyone who is unlucky enough to encounter a rapist.

The only way to prevent rape is for people not to choose to rape people.

Cheese you are not at fault or blame for another persons actions

So is the general advice that we tell our daughters nothing other than the only way to avoid rape is to wait until such times as the crime ceases to be committed and to campaign for reporting all incidents, increasing conviction rates and the severity of the punishments?
And raising our sons not to be rapists?

I prefer not to change my life for the risk of it.