I know she's something of a MN joke and everyone thinks she's funny, but my MIL has had me in tears all night last night and I really don't ever want to see the woman or hear her name ever again.
She has constantly and consistently undermined me and my parenting almost since the day my dd was born. The day after the birth she came to visit and was asked to leave after a few minutes because I was unwell (long labour, emergency section, blood transfusion, blah blah blah) and her response was "That's OK, no-one's come to see YOU anyway". The following day she came again while dh was at home, and when she got home she rang him to tell him what a crap mother I was - not talking to the baby enough, not cuddling the baby enough, not interacting (go figure; I was spaced out on morphine and in dreadful pain, and dd was spending most of the day asleep). And basically she has continued to undermine me in every aspect of my relationship with my daughter. She talks over me when I try to talk to dd or discipline her, she refuses to accept it when I say "no" to dd, she does things I have particularly asked her not to do.
Yesterday was my birthday, we'd had a nice day out and popped in to see her on the way home. We were only intending to stay for 20 minutes, so when dd asked if she could have her box of toys out I said no. She had paper and pencils, and was making things with the gift wrapping and ribbons from one of my presents so had plenty to play with. MIL kept saying "It's OK, they're not too difficult to get at, she can have them if she wants them", but I had said no because we weren't staying long, and MIL has been away from home for a while and her bags and cases were in the way of dd's toy boxes. When dd asked for the third time for her toys and I said no she started the emotional blackmail - started that fake crying that almost-5-year-olds are so good at. And my MIL hit the roof. She accused me of making everything horrible for my dd, spoiling her day, spoiling the time that we were spending there and yet again there was the implication (if not the stated opinion) that my parenting sucks. My dh told her that she was undermining me, which she denied, but when I asked to go home he wouldn't leave because he said I was over-reacting.
We did leave pretty soon, because I wouldn't stay and was going to walk home without him, but on the way home dh accused me of being paranoid about his mother (I'm not; you only have to read some of my posts about her to see what she's like with me). He has since told me that although he agrees she undermines me, I have to make allowances for the fact that she's in her 70s - basically I have to put up with her crap because she's old. As far as I am concerned, age is no excuse for her behaviour; she has all of her faculties, and she isn't losing her marbles - she just doesn't like me and she doesn't think I'm a good enough mother for her (only) grandchild.
It sounds like something really petty when I write it down, but it's really got to me this time. I have had 16 years of not being good enough for her son, almost 5 years of not being good enough for her grandchild, and I can't take this much more. Particularly if dh isn't prepared to support me against her. He phoned her last night when I was in the bath, I could hear him asking whether she was OK and how she was feeling ... he's now acting as if nothing has happened, and expecting me to go out tomorrow to buy presents for her birthday later in the week.
Sorry this is so long and rambling; I'm not sure why I'm posting it really but I'm so hurt and upset by it all and just need to get it out. There's nothing anyone can say to make it better or make it go away, I just need for someone to listen and understand. Sorry.