The fourth WIIT thread travels far and wide, with tales of new adventures to share.

[100years]

Hello Ladies,

Here is the 4th WIIT thread for our enjoyment.

Stats will have to follow at a later date, as I can't check back to see where everyone is accurately at the moment.

Get posting and lets see where this thread takes us. :)

old thread

AC I saw that, I thought people were being REALLY insensitive and judgy to her, poor woman!

It's very difficult to know what to do with the 'if you're over 35 you ain't comin in' fear though isn't it? Currently it's one I've got on rotation with the it'll-fuck-my-career fear and the financially-how-will-we-manage fear and the have-i-got-enough-patience fear, what joy. Been chatting with my sis this morning and she's just taking it all as it comes and dealing with things as they occur instead of worrying about then in advance and I'm quite jealous!

DP is back this eve when we shall see if his baby-making enthusiasm has sustained! Tbh I've been fretting about whether this is the right time for us- because of my work commitments this year, either we've got to get pg in the next couple of months or we've got to hang back until prob August - with of course the likelihood that there'll then be another load of stuff on the horizon . Now ttc is actually an immenant possibility it's suddenly terrifying again. Help. Will one of you please tell me what to do?

God I don't know what to think, I was surprised by the reaction to her age, that people felt it was such a strong standalone reason to continue with the pg notwithstanding all her other life plans. It made me realise that if I do have fertility problems everyone actually is going to say behind my back it is because I left it too late, was too busy gadding off to USA, going clubbing, selfishly pursuing career etc.

I feel the same about the fear, look how I dithered (red - do you remember the levels of dithering?!) when I got back from my epic game of hide the duck! but if I'm not careful the dithering will get the better of me and I'll end up without the family I'd like, which would be so sad. I think with DH dragging his feet it might actually help me to get a grip on it when the time comes.

Why does no one dither these days? Has it become unfashionable?

Oh we could have made the British Olympic Dithering Team back in the day . Something tethersend said on that abortion thread which really resonated with me was "At the moment you are comparing the known with the unknown, and that is hard...Fear doesn't mean it's the wrong choice, just that it's a lifechanging one." There was actually a lot of good advice on there amongst the emotionally-blackmailing stuff - there were also a lot of people pointing out that terror at being pregnant and resentment of loss of carefree life are totally normal and part for the course, which also resonated with me!!

It is really surprising to me too how much people seem to have interiorised that declining fertility thing and are willing to really judge people on it, even when they know not the slightest f* all about the actual circumstances.

DP and I had The Chat last night lying in bed - he said 'I think that we should just start trying now and see what happens'. And then peacefully drifted off to sleep, WHILST I LAY THERE WITH MY HEAD PRACTICALLY SPINNING OFF!

Well that was the thing, I was thinking "are you all fertility experts? What's your evidential basis for saying the OP won't be perfectly able to conceive in six months time for example? She's obviously very fertile just at the moment!"

I miss that thread, there were other people on there with similar FOF issues to deal with. Didn't one person go through IVF without her DH ever really being on board - and then he took to de facto parenting like a duck to water! Do you feel any less dithery now you've finally got DP on board, or is it easier to be gung ho in the face of extreme reluctance?!

DEFINITELY easier to be gung ho in the face of extreme reluctance. Now I feel like a big wibbly virgin. I do feel very reassured by his confidence in the whole shebang, weirdly. On my own it is spinning me out.

Is it worth trying to get another Dithering thread going?

I wouldn't like to try tbh, it was never well received on the conception forum generally, there was some animosity. I suppose now fertility issues has its own separate forum it's less of an issue, but still...

We can dither together, at least till you're knocked up anyway!

Weird isn't it, that there's such animosity to the idea that SOME people find the idea of conception daunting/terrifying/huge? Surely there's room for all sorts?

I think it was more that they were dithering on a forum for people who were trying desperately and a small minority felt it was the wrong place. I always felt uncomfortable straddling the waiting and the dithering threads, but it's like standing too long on the bungee platform, isn't it. The longer you contemplate the jump the more you fret about actually doing it.

We only have to look at the evidence that we want children (years on this thread, fascination with pg and childbirth, excessive interest in friends' small offspring, worry about fertility, charting and taking folic acid, etc) versus the evidence that we don't (can you think of any, other than that the thought of making the leap scares us?)

Yes that's true. My best friend and my family all think I'm desperate to have a baby and I should get on and have one, despite me telling them I'm in two minds a lot of the time. They do this face: . Clearly I'm giving off signals.

I'm not even really using any contraception in the conventional sense, and haven't been for over 15 months. I take folic acid every day. I have a baby gro and a sleep suit in the wardrobe. The first thing I did when I started this job was look up the maternity policy.

Yes when you put it like that the evidence is fairly compelling isn't it?
What you need now is for the well documented phenomenon of the Male Unpredicted Rapid Change Of Mind (MURCOM) to occur in your vicinity. Did I tell you that my sister's partner has had one of those? He's totally on board and excited about it all now.

As I understand it, MURCOM is typically observed at the first scan.

Pleased to hear it by the way!

Hi Quod & AC!!
It's very chatty on here today. I think that the reaction to the dithering threads sounds totally unreasonable. Surely dithering means that you're really thinking about the massive decision of bringing another person into the world and not just rushing into it with no thought what so ever. Not a bad thing in my books!!

I shall keep things crossed for a Christmas MURCOM for you :)

Dithering is totally reasonable when you think about it! It is a massive decision after all. I dither over what to pick off a menu & that's only something that I'm going to have to have for half an hour of one day not the rest of my life!!

Quod - pleased your sisters OH has had a MURCOM!

Please all pray for a Christmas MURCOM miracle for me!

Loving our new word!!

Somebody slap me, just shopped Next sale online & added newborn hats to my basket (so cute, with elephants on)!!!! I saw sense & took them out again, but why did I do that?!

Ha ha that's funny I have been thinking I deserve some Christmas baby clothes as well!

MURCOM all ye faithful
Joyful and triumphant...

Just popping on to say Happy Christmas to all!

Christmas not off to a brilliant start here, just went to take DD to church but was too late & service was already 20mins in which means unless I go to midnight mass I won't go to our church over Christmas! (Already been to services at my mums when I was there but not quite the same.) Plus I think AF is about to visit for Christmas so my mood is not the best & I'm feeling pretty rubbish!

DH is being utterly useless & has done next to F all towards helping me for Christmas & has just been so work focused DD & I might as well have not existed this week!

Anyhoooooo, must try & perk self up (and not drag you all down with me) where is my festive spirit Gin?!

Hope everyone has a lovely day tomorrow, and that all the new mummies are spoilt rotten & given a lie in!

Merry Christmas my dear old Bebe, and merry Christmas everyone! Here's to all our families and DC here and to come!

Oh and one of my best friend's had a baby girl today!

Happy Christmas everyone. Hope you all have a fab fab day

Well while we were all watching Emmerdale earlier, MIL helpfully observed "well your life's over when you have a baby, and it's not for just 18 years like people think, it's the whole rest of your life."

Helpful!!