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Original poster

People touching babies. Your opinions.

117 replies

GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 09:28

My Dd is 11 weeks old and I have always enjoyed people cooing over her when I take her out. Like most mums I get a hugh sense of pride when they tell me how lovely she is and ask about her.

But yesterday someone touched her. I was feeding her in the corner of a coffee shop when a group of three women came in and moved towards the back of the shop. The first in the group saw Dd and made for her like a greyhound for a hare. She grabbed Dd's hand and started stroking it before she even asked any questions. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do but held Dd extra close and gave her very short answers and fight the urge to hit this women. Told Dh last night and he said if he'd been there she would have been in no doubt as to where she could put her hand.

Are we over-reacting? Have you ever done that? We wouldn't do it to an adult we didn't know, so is it acceptable to do it to a baby? Opinions please.

OP posts:
harpsiheraldangelssing · 14/12/2005 09:33

yes, you're wildly overreacting
why on EARTH would you want to hit her?

wordgirl · 14/12/2005 09:33

Are you serious? You felt like hitting a woman because she touched your dd's hand Slight overreaction imo.

feastofsteven · 14/12/2005 09:35

I'm not wildly keen on strangers touching my son, but I wouldn't feel so strongly that I would have an urge to hit them. So yes, you are overreacting. Are you feeling OK in general?

Auntybrandybutter · 14/12/2005 09:35

Is this a joke?

People always say hello to my Ds and take his hand or touch his cheek. especially older people!

Original poster
GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 09:39

It was just the way she did it. I know that the urge to hit her was an overreaction - shocked me too as not a violent person! But I would never consider doing this to a child I didn't know and no-one else has ever done it either. Dd had a look of shock on her face aswell, but she always does when she see's someone new.

I'm afraid I'm turning into one of those awfully overprotective mums. Would you guys have touched a baby you din't know though?

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 14/12/2005 09:40

I'm not mad for people touching tiny babies, as it's not like tiny babies can make clear their objections.

That being said, I don't think I'd want to hit someone who touched my baby - what's the harm in someone touching your baby?

Original poster
GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 09:41

Sorry x-post. Yes feastofseven, apart from a bad cold I'm fine in myself.

Do they Aunty? Seriously no-one has done it before.

OP posts:
MaryP0p1 · 14/12/2005 09:41

Don't come to Italy GemgleBells. We live here and everybody touches children. Its almost like they do it for luck. It feels very nature, everybody does, you go out and everybody cuddles and hugs your children. At my children's school my children are always hugging and kissing their teachers and nuns. I love it.

NotQuiteCockney · 14/12/2005 09:41

I don't touch babies I don't know, unless they come to me. I don't generally touch kids, either, unless they come to me.

But older people feel differently. They don't mean anything bad by it.

PotPourri · 14/12/2005 09:43

YEs, you're over reacting a bit. But I must admit that I found it strange when my sister was tickling a little girl who was playing near her one sunday afternoon in a restaurant (this was in London). But, now that I have moved back to Scotland I realise that this is just what people do here - it;s friendly and no one bats an eyelid. There seems to be much less of a worry about invasion of privacy and all that. Less people probably has alot to do with that.

Original poster
GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 09:45

No harm at all NQC, and if I'd known her even slighly I don't think I'd have the same problem. As for the urge to hit her, as I said that part shocked me too as is very unusual for me. Didn't follow through on urge I'd like to point out.

OP posts:
harpsiheraldangelssing · 14/12/2005 09:47

we had this discussion not so long back. it's a cultural thing I think. Where I was brought up (and indeed where I live now) is a working class area and yes my dd's get toouched by the oldies. It makes the oldies happy, and I really can't see the harm at all.
my mum would do it for example without even thinking. still can't quite believe that you would have to fight the urge to hit someone like my mum tbh

spruceylucy5 · 14/12/2005 09:48

Dont come to Spain either, everybody touches babies here, young and old alike. It still happens and dd is 5.

handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 09:48

Parp! I'm speechless

harpsiheraldangelssing · 14/12/2005 09:49

not too impressed with your dh's aggressive reaction either
are you first time parents?

RacersTheRedNosedReindeer · 14/12/2005 09:49

Yes, people do sometimes stroke her cheek or hand (though they haven't for ages, maybe it's just with newborns?!) I have felt slightly uncomfortable for a couple of seconds a few times but then have reminded myself of their good intentions and that people just love babies!

If it happens again, just take a breath, relax and try to enjoy the attention your beautiful babe is getting.

Caligyulea · 14/12/2005 09:51

Yes, sorry but I think you're nuts. I wish people would do more touching of each other, it's a basic human need and I think we'd probably all be happier.

I do think it's insane to talk about a baby's right to privacy. Babies need touch, it's a major part of how they relate to other people.

Original poster
GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 09:51

I knew I was over-reacting. Excuse me while I go remove the pole from my jacksee.

I think if it had happened when I still lived in a small town I would have assumed they knew me, as I worked in the local shop. But since living in a city I've become used to people having this an inpenitrable bubble around them. You can talk and look but there's a gap between you.

OMG, I've become a cold, unfriendly person!

OP posts:
harpsiheraldangelssing · 14/12/2005 09:52

Caligula come here and give me a hug...

Poshpaws · 14/12/2005 09:53

I've touched tiny babies . I kinda touch first, think afterwards.

Don't touch them all, you understand, but when pregnant with DS1, my first child, we did a hospital visit and there was a newborn with mum (mum's fourth) who had agreed to meet the group. I went in the room and immediately went up to her and starting chatting and then stroked the baby's face. Mum was fine but it wasn't until I was in mid-stroke that I realised that I could be entering into someone's personal zone. Baby seemed fine with it, though.

Have done it a couple of times since but NEVER did it when I wasn't a mother. Maybe my maternal instinct kicked in and I felt it 'ok' somehow.

Others have stroked my children and I have never felt like hitting them. If you are holding your child or standing right next to your child, they couldn't possibly hurt them without you knowing .

Caligyulea · 14/12/2005 09:53

LOL! Where's Cod? I want to hug her!!!

Original poster
GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 09:54

We are first time parents Harps, but my Dh's reaction didn't surprise me. He's very protective of his family and does have an aggressive streak. My reaction surprised me as I'm the calming influence in the relasionship.

And your right HMC, I thoughly deserved that Parp.

OP posts:
spruceylucy5 · 14/12/2005 09:55

I dont think you are nuts, its just that protective instinct kicking in. When dd was little I was paranoid about everything in the early days. I was taken aback when people started touching dd in madrid but you get used to it. Infact I then became the opposite as she got older when we were in Uk I couldnt understand why old ladies were no longer clucking over her.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2005 09:55

omg, i'm glad you don't live in Latin America. people there are VERY touchy-feely - not just w/kids but w/everyone. the whole 'it takes a village to raise a family' really comes into play there.

personally, i LOVE it. think it's great for the child - a baby can never have too much affection - and as for exposing them to germs, well, that's life! it's healthy, IMO. the more folks they come into contact w/, the better.

handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 09:56

I reserve my feeling of supressed rage for people who tut at my small children or look at them disapprovingly when they make a noise, not those who clearly delight in and love children.