Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

People touching babies. Your opinions.

117 replies

GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 09:28

My Dd is 11 weeks old and I have always enjoyed people cooing over her when I take her out. Like most mums I get a hugh sense of pride when they tell me how lovely she is and ask about her.

But yesterday someone touched her. I was feeding her in the corner of a coffee shop when a group of three women came in and moved towards the back of the shop. The first in the group saw Dd and made for her like a greyhound for a hare. She grabbed Dd's hand and started stroking it before she even asked any questions. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do but held Dd extra close and gave her very short answers and fight the urge to hit this women. Told Dh last night and he said if he'd been there she would have been in no doubt as to where she could put her hand.

Are we over-reacting? Have you ever done that? We wouldn't do it to an adult we didn't know, so is it acceptable to do it to a baby? Opinions please.

OP posts:
Poshpaws · 14/12/2005 09:56

Here, here, HMC.

Caligyulea · 14/12/2005 09:57

I think touching babies is a human instinct that we're born with actually. That's why people do it without thinking. Only problem is, we're trained not to touch anyone, which is why we find it strange when people do.

All surveys have found that Southern Europeans touch each other at least double the number of times in any given time, than the British. Even the Germans touch each other more than we do!

handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 09:57

Sorry though gemglebells - I've been over lecturing you

I shall try to be more understanding - yes perhaps you were just experiencing a spontaneous reaction due to feeling so very protective of your dd.

handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 09:58

You sound like a nice person so i feel a bit guilty now for parping you!

harpsiheraldangelssing · 14/12/2005 09:58

sorry didn't mean to giveyou are hard time Gem
if you're not happy with it then deep breaths and assert yourself!
by the time the next baby comes along you will be handing her to complete strangers to hold i bet

harpsiheraldangelssing · 14/12/2005 09:59

it's clearly your own fault for having such an irresistible baby btw

expatinscotland · 14/12/2005 10:00

'All surveys have found that Southern Europeans touch each other at least double the number of times in any given time, than the British. Even the Germans touch each other more than we do!'

Yep! Had a blast trekking in Pakistan and Nepal and enjoying the utter delight people took in babies and young children. A REAL treat!

NotQuiteCockney · 14/12/2005 10:00

When DS2 was very small, we met a boy with (obvious) SN at the local library, who is mad for babies. He likes to rub heads with them. DS2 has always been ok with this boy, but I did find him a bit startling at first.

Particularly as he was rubbing heads with DS2, who was at most 2 months old, while I was breastfeeding DS2!

Original poster
GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 10:03

Please don't feel guilty. I needed to hear that to keep me sane. Obviously just had a nutty moment.

And your right Harps. My Dd is utterly irresistiblen and that must be my fault 'coz she didn't get it from Dh.

OP posts:
Socci · 14/12/2005 10:12

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 14/12/2005 10:13

Read on here of a woman (complete stranger!) who felt inside someone's baby's mouth (to check their gums, possibly? Can't remember the details - but was def a loon) - now that would have got a reaction from me!

But not touching on the hand - unless a v crusty person. That's fine. I do it to new babies as an instinct.

Wondering whether an 11 week old baby can look shocked though?

Caligyulea · 14/12/2005 10:13

Must admit, my immediate reaction to a child rubbing heads with any of mine would be "oh great - headlice."

NotQuiteCockney · 14/12/2005 10:15

Touching a baby is totally different from touching someone's bump! (People very rarely touch me, without prior permission. Thankfully.)

Caligula, we only had our first run in with headlice recently. I should check with that boy's parents about whether he ends up catching it much? (He only really likes bald babies, which presumably helps?)

LizzylouDonkey · 14/12/2005 10:16

Feeling braver now Socci has spoken too...when I had first had Ds I wanted to hit my MIL everytime she came within 1 metre radius of DS! If she touched him I was seething! And that is my MIL! I think this feeling will pass, I was very overprotective of DS and anyone touching him and still am to a certain extent, but he is 21mths now and makes it very plain if anyone invades his personal space! I struggled with this feeling too, but I think it is only natural to want to protect your baby. I also admit though to wanting to touch other people's babies all the time...I am definitely going to try and chill out more with this next one!

foundintransleightion · 14/12/2005 10:17

I love it when people comment on ds's gorgeousness, but dislike it intensely when people I don't or barely know touch him without asking. I wouldn't want to react violently, but I really don't like it.
When I meet my neighbour on the stairs/at our flat doors, she frequently just takes ds out of my arms ! However, she is basically a lovely woman so I (literally) grin and bear it.

Caligyulea · 14/12/2005 10:17

I think having the urge to hit your MIL is quite a standard one tbh, baby or not.

spruceylucy5 · 14/12/2005 10:18

I think the thing is, we are all different. I remember when I was pregnant with dd at the same time as my colleague, we both had differing opinions about people touching our bumps. I would walk down the stairs at school, bump thrust forward and everyone would have a pat as they passed, i loved it. My colleague hated it and would take the back stairs putting time on her journey just to avoid it. Although I wouldnt have liked a stranger kissing it and I definetley would not have been comfortable with someone putting their fingers in dds mouth.

Original poster
GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 10:19

Believe me Hunker, my Dd is very expressive and can look shocked. But as I said. She always does when she sees a new face. Like "OMG, noses come in that shape too!"

Thanks for the support Socci. I klnow I overreacted, but I am glad I'm not the only one who's not fond of strangers touching their children. Nobody touched my bump, let alone kissed it, when I was pregnant so I didn't have to deal with that.

OP posts:
LizzylouDonkey · 14/12/2005 10:20

LOL Caligyulea....that was the beginning of the end for us to be honest...didn't help that she kept calling herself DS's "Mummy", purely by accident, natch!

bakedpotatohoho · 14/12/2005 10:20

What about handwashing first?
In New York my sister was directed to the bathroom in no uncertain terms before being allowed to wave at a friend's baby

noddyholder · 14/12/2005 10:22

I have often held a babys hand like that on the bus or somewhere I would never expect someone to hit me.We are all too paranoid about touch imo

hahahehe · 14/12/2005 10:23

Hiya Gemglebells
Well my little man is 8 months and we still get people touching him all the time......have done since he was born!! He was only 4lb born and tiny so he was like a magnet...we had lots of people even put money in his hands (good luck apparently) which made me quite emotional - i was amazed that in this crazy world people could be so kind. He is now a major flirt and loves people making a fuss of him - food shopping now takes twice as long as we have to stop so much for people to talk to him!!
But at the end of the day - its your baby, if you don't like people touching then say!!!

Original poster
GemgleBells · 14/12/2005 10:25

Your joking about the handwashing bakedpotato surely. Before waving. Really!

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 14/12/2005 10:25

Must admit if someone had kissed my bump I would have collapsed in shock!

bakedpotatohoho · 14/12/2005 10:26

I'm not joking. I think there was a general anxiety that my sister might feel the need to touch the baby, or maybe some of her toys.
Screwballs!