People touching babies. Your opinions.

[GemgleBells]

My Dd is 11 weeks old and I have always enjoyed people cooing over her when I take her out. Like most mums I get a hugh sense of pride when they tell me how lovely she is and ask about her.

But yesterday someone touched her. I was feeding her in the corner of a coffee shop when a group of three women came in and moved towards the back of the shop. The first in the group saw Dd and made for her like a greyhound for a hare. She grabbed Dd's hand and started stroking it before she even asked any questions. I was so shocked I didn't know what to do but held Dd extra close and gave her very short answers and fight the urge to hit this women. Told Dh last night and he said if he'd been there she would have been in no doubt as to where she could put her hand.

Are we over-reacting? Have you ever done that? We wouldn't do it to an adult we didn't know, so is it acceptable to do it to a baby? Opinions please.

I'm not paranoid about germs thank-god. I'm one of the got to eat a speck of dirt before you die brigade.

If this happens again, and I dont' like it (proberly won't have anywhere near the same reaction after talking to you lot) how do I tell them politely to let go of my Dd?

I dunno - sort of pull her out of their reach and make a big pretence of winding her ?

say she is contagious

its not usually a long hold or grope is is it, just a friendlt stroke or hand shake!
Try to chill a little, you dont want your dd to be one of those children that quivers when unfamiliar people approach her do you?

I used to be a bit paranoid when dd was tiny, it's tradition up here (maybe everywhere?) to give them money and touch their hand with it first. I tried to have spare scratch mits so she wouldn't chew the dirty ones. I remember a student at dd1's School took of her mit before i realised and i practically screamed "DON'T PUT MONEY ON HER HAND" Scared the life out the poor girl.

HOWEVER, i don't mind and i think it would be a really sad world when people stop cooing over babies.

A guy behind me in the Spar oneday even gave my dd1 50p for being such a good girl and helping me. Now that took some explaining but how sweet!

No I don't Aunty. I don't think I'll feel the same way if it happens again after specking to you lovely people. I don't think it helps that I'm quite standoffish myself about people I don't know touching me. And I've never been one who touchs others.

Will take a chill pill and stop being a drama queen. It's my (early) new years resolution.

gemblebells you win the MN prize for well balanced mother of the day (year?), truly...
would that we all could take the MN rough and smooth in our stride like you have

Its natural to want to protect.
Whats the saying...Mother dont smother!!!
Enjoy being a mum and let others enjoy seeing what a wonderful one you are!!!!
Go on...let me give you and DD a squeeze!!

I agree - Gem's done really well staying calm and unruffled when we've given her a bit of a hard time.

Thank-you

We took DS to Greece when he was 9 weeks - and had to get used to greek women seizing him and cuddling him. I did have quite a strong urge to get him straight back, but DS was quite happy - not screeching or anything, and that's how people are when being lovely, hospitable and friendly in Greece - so I learned to accept it with happy grace.

Less so the man (tourist) who stuck his finger in DS's mouth while he was being held over DPs shoulder.

Better care, affection and inteest from strangers being freindly, than cold irritation and intolerance to kids amongst us!

In most countries new born babies get passed around and cooed over by hundreds of people, and I feel sorry for English babies that they dont have this.
Having said that, cuddling a wrapped up baby is different from touching their little hand, which will probably be in their mouth next.

My cleaner (lovely person looks after ds3 regularly for me) stroked SIL's baby when he was about 6 months (in his car seat) amd BIL (who is a prat) moved him away. I noticed! But BIL and SIL are very precious. (and first timers),

I admit that I kind of 'twitch' inwardly when strangers touch DD (6 months), but I smile at them and I am proud of her, so I do love that other people think she is cute.

Hated people touching my bump - even my mum . I wanted to ask for a feel of their boobs or bum to kind of even things up .

Gemglebells, I didn't like it either when people touched my babies, particularly old people, but I recognised that they were trying to be nice and meant no harm.

You just don't know what other peoples' personal hygiene levels are. And I would never dream of touching a stranger's baby.

I guess you can't help these sorts of animal urges. I guess I was a little morreactionary with my first baby. I used to get a feeling of rising fury if someone held her for too long. Also if they gave her back and she smelt of their perfume. That used to get my hackles up.

We're all animals after all. We can't help these more venal feelings.

I'd just like to share my experience, we moved this to Italy from the UK. In the Uk my 7yr old was shy and unsocialable to people she didn't know. We spent 3 years building a relationship with the dentist in order for her teeth to be looked at FGS. My son (3) has always been a very open personality whereas my daugher the opposite.

My observations since being here is that.

My children love being touched by everybody.
They love the fact that whereever they go people smile and often give them sweets.
I have notice my DD has become a confident outgoing personality in just 6 months.
I have noticed my son has stories and sings ALL the time.
My children's picture are vibrant and full of talking points whereas before it was hard to get them to hold a pencil.
My children hug and kiss their teachers all the time.
My son called one of the Nun's in his school the Italian equivalent of Nanny.

I have feel the openness and need to touch and be with each other is only a positive thing for them.

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I often touch people when I'm talking to them, not strangers obviously, but I don't believe there's anything wrong with touching. I am quite touchy-feely though. Living in Spain, it's a good job! Everyone touches my sons. They're fine with it as they're used to us. I do believe it's healthy.

I understand when you have a young baby, particularly if it's your first, your discomfort when strangers touch the baby, but not the aggression. We've all been a bit precious and uptight in the early days but usually relax a bit over time. Touch is a positive thing (usually). I'm glad you made the post though, I hope the replies have encouraged you to not get so distressed next time.

Not keen on people putting fingers in baby's mouths though. I remember getting really uptight about my young cousin doing that to DS1. And touching pregnant tummies, now that's much more personal and not acceptable (from a stranger especially).

I hate the way people are scared to make contact with children in the UK nowadays. It's so sad. My MIL was at a park recently when a young child approached her and she felt awkward talking to her/him. What the hell's going on there? Perfectly innocent people worrying that others wll think them perverted for talking to children! The world has gone mad.

Don't get me started on cameras at school plays/shows. Our children are going to grow up socially inept.

It's a good job I'm typing one-handed (DS2 asleep & poorly on me) and can't be bothered to type anymore otherwise I really would be on my soapbox... sorry.

I'd probably join you.

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Socci, I think it´s just human nature to touch babies. They are so incredible that people just can´t resist. They certainly don´t mean to be intrusive or rude. They are doing it because they feel loving, warm feelings towards babies. Babies touch something inside (most)of us and some people don´t think of holding back incase they offend anyone. I would we should encourage caring human behaviour, it´s preferable to indifference or aggression.

i think you were way overreacting tbh. she only stroked her hand!

and yes, i would touch a baby.