Alternative swearwords

[tomps]

The f word thread reminded me I need help with finding acceptable expletives ! I get very sweary mary in the car (not my fault - it's all the f*$kin awful drivers round here !) - but now dd's started repeating EVERYTHING I must mind my language. Dp is very bad too so between us we came up with ... fluffy sheep (f--k / sh-t) and twit (instead of ...) Of course it's important that in a stressful situation the 'swear' word is satisfyingly noisy to help let off steam, but without being offensive. Over to you ...

I like Pants, said very loudly.

good one

Iuse the F-word far too much, but I am trying to say "sugar!" now....

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i now use "oh for frog's sake" after the children thinking i actually said that

PANTS vg idea.

Oh SH.....UGAR is my favourite!

Fffffish!

Bum is a good one.

always say.ffffffffffiddle and sugar. (apart from when i'm driving then it doesn't have the same effect)

Bollards works for me. And,'Oh for fu....crying out loud.'

You Stupid Hole
For Crying out loud
Penis

Smarter mumsnetters will be able to help me on this one, but from what little I remember of school grammar, for the most satisfying sweary alternative it's needs to start with an unvoiced plosive like a "p" or a voiced one like a "b". Can't remeber what a "k" or an "f" are called, but they seem to be the essential ingredients. There must be loads of combinations out there

P....t
B...t
F...t
K....p etc - fill in the blanks folks and we've got more choice - any ideas?

With slightly Irish background I do say "feg" a lot! Also effing and LOVE "poxy" and "sodding" as very expressive but not toooooo rude. Also use "blimey" a lot.
Exclamations include "Christ on a Bike", "Jesus in Brooklyn","Christ Alive" and fairly new one "Bin Laden in a Ballgown"! Not much use if you have religious objections to such phrases.

Anus

Just had to cite a very funny section from a Peter Ladefoged book about Child Language, where he recalls a phase his son went through when he was about 4 of saying "Jesus Christ". Not wanting to draw too much attention to what his son was doing, Ladefoged asked him very gently what he thought that meant. His son replied "It means there's no room in the car park"

OH, FISHCAKES!! I have no idea where I got it from, and no idea when I started using it, but it works!

fish-hooks was one my Mum always said. Can't say I remember to replace the real F word with it though, I just hope DS1 does hear when I mumble it.

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'Jeff' gets used in our house ('Oh JEFF!', 'You jeffin' idiot!' etc etc). Unfortunately DS1 has latched onto it's true meaning as now uses 'Jeff' quite a lot.

ham shank

gammon

feck off!!!!

billions of blistering blue barnacles!!!! ( Captain Haddock).

Doormat - now THAT's my language!

isnt a ham shank a w--k? Or is it a tommy tank? - cant remember