Am I being unreasonable (6)?

[WideWebWitch]

OK, Dp will not be happy if he ever reads this (likely as he'll be a SAHD next year) but wtf. Sorry love, if you're reading this and fuming...

OK, we're poor atm but moving so we can earn a decent living, buy a house etc etc. While we've been in our current house we've been lucky enough to have space for 2 offices, i.e. one each and 2 Pcs, ditto. We're moving to a smaller house for the next 6 months and I've accepted that there's no room for my large desk. I'd also sort of thought that we'd maybe have to manage with one PC for a while since there won't be room to set both up (we're losing at least 3 rooms in terms of space and will be gaining a baby in 8 weeks to boot. Hmm, what makes me think we'll even have time to use 1 PC I wonder?).

Anyway, my monitor blew up this am and so I've got Dps. He's just said he wants to buy another asap, I've said it's not a priority since we won't have room for 2 machines anyway. He disagrees. I know I'm right (sorry, but I am) about the lack of space vs the amount of stuff we have and I'm sure we won't be able to set both up. Anyway, that's not the only point. The point is the money thing. I have always contributed equally to our finances, despite not working (maintenance etc) although I have often forked out for big things, like a sofa, his pc (admitedly bought for me when mine blew up - he then got it when mine was fixed a month later but he didn't have to pay anything towards it, his argument being that he didn't have the money and wouldn't have bought it if it had been him forking out - fair-ish point), our moving costs (£2k+++ this time) etc.

I have been trying to be frugal for the last year since we've been so poor - i.e. I only bought 2 maternity bras, borrowed all maternity clothes, didn't take preg vits after 12 weeks as they're so expensive, that kind of thing. So my view is that if he has ANY 'spare' money he should be putting it towards moving costs, my credit cards (as sofa etc is on there), baby clothes (haven't bought ANY, relying on donations from friends)etc etc etc. His view is that if he sells something (a PS2 game for example) he ought to be able to buy a monitor with the proceeds. I think not. Money is the only thing we ever argue about since I have credit cards and he doesn't and so I've OFTEN ended up buying a joint large item on my card which I then end up paying off all on my own. If anything my income is slightly lower than his although this will change next year when I work and he's a SAHD. I do know we have to sort this out by then...

Anyway, please, Court of Mumsnet, Am I Being Unreasonable?

WWW - no you are not being unreasonble - just practical. Being practical is not a male strength - manny live in their own little bubbles and cannot be reasoned with!!
You can wire the monitor to 2 PCs and switch between but of course cannot use at the same time...and you would have to buy a switch but would be cheaper than new monitor. you could also check out reconditioned monitors...

apologies WWW for turning your thread into a general money debate - I've set up a seperate one now, as I thought it might run and run... and we'd never be able to count the votes for and against your DH's new monitor!

There will probably be loads of computer deals in Bristol aimed at the students around now, so if he's determined to get one (and you sanction it) delay it till after the move at least... by then your concerns may have got through to him...

You're right of course.

We have a joint account for household stuff, and separate accounts for other things. He does the weekly shop, I pay the childminder (which will mean I pay a lot more than him when I go back to work, with two children, but OTOH I make rather a lot more than him). STuff for the children tends to vary between the different accounts. This doesn't stop ALL the tensions - notably his announcement when I was 5 months pregnant that he couldn't contribute to my maternity leave (I am a freelancer, so it all had to be paid for by ME) - but as dp is crap with money (strange as he works in finance) and I am quite good/aka mean with it, it solves a lot more than if we had everything in common.

Thanks Court of Mumsnet! Nice to see so many people agreeing with me, it's always lovely to be told you're not unreasonable and it doesn't happen often in real life

Well, we did have a big row about it and I wish we hadn't since I'm far too emotional atm. He backed down on the monitor very quickly, even before the 'row proper' started. I stormed off (what was that about 34yo tantrums on another thread?!) and eventually came back after sitting in my car in a lay by crying (I know, pathetic) for a while. He apologised big time and we made up. Prufrock, you really have got a point there, I did say more or less: my monitor's broken, give me yours NOW (he swapped them) and actually, that wasn't reasonable of me. Somewhere in the back of my mind though I suppose I thought well, I paid for it and actually, I should stop thinking 'his' and 'mine' and think 'Ours'. We do have a joint account and 2 separate current accounts too but I think we need to look at pooling everything and then having a small amount of spending money each since the joint is for bills and food and we then end up arguing about other stuff like monitors. I'm sure he'll realise there's no space when we've moved and if there is I'm sure we'll be able to get a cheap/free one if and when. I think he particularly appreciated me yelling "what makes you think you're going to have any time to f* about on the computer when you're at home with a baby? Hmm?" Poor bloke.

Waterbaby, don't apologise, it's interesting to find out what everyone else does about this - if you've started another thread I'll be there in a minute. I have to say that when I was with ex dh and we were both working and well off, money just wasn't an issue or something we argued about and that's how I'd like it to be with dp ideally. I do think things will change when we've moved and I'm working again and I do love him dearly and think he's a fantastic man but we've had far too many of these rows for my liking and we have to find a way to avoid them in the future. Thanks very much for all your advice. I'll tell him later that mumsnet judged him and I'm hoping he'll laugh... he says he'll be here when he's a SAHD, he's even decided on a nickname

surely wickedwaterwizard